family matters

[souls_cry2000]

This will be one of my dumber moments. Please overlook any brain farts that might occur on my part.

It is generally considered bad form to date your ex's friend right after a breakup but there is usually an accepted amount of time to wait before you can hook up with your ex's friend.

What I want to know what's the length of time before one can hook up with a member of your ex's family? Or does it depend on their position within the family?

[ryker]

i think you are heading for a whole lot of grief on this one.

causing divisions in families is mucho bad karma.

good luck in whatever you decide to do

[souls_cry2000]

ryker: I believe you're right. Although it's really hard to help one's self at times. Sometimes we are all slaves to our nature and to our lust for life. Okay so many here who really know me are saying my lust for life has nothing to do with it. It's my "lust for other things" that is the problem

The sitch is--Back before I was dating kyttn. I had a nice 3some with my ex and one of her relatives. It was an awesome time. The problem at the time was I was totally into my ex's relative. Factor in her S/O which is on and off. More off than on :) and my addiction to fruit.....the Forbidden kind and we have a major problem.

The mantra I was given in my group meetings is as follows-- "CANDY IS DANDY BUT CAUSES CAVITIES."

[ryker]

if what you are after is the good ole horizontal folk dancing, then maybe you could talk them into doing it on the sly...adding just that little bit more spice...but be ready for the earth shattering explosion when you get caught...just be careful and leran to duck. ;0)

[BamaKyttn]

Souls, I knew you had a thing for my mom but damn.

[souls_cry2000]

Kyttn, one of the other ex's sweetheart.

[Grumble]

To be honest souls, I think this is a case where fools walk in where angels fear to tread. My advice - do not persue it

[Casperr]

Hi Souls,

I think your original question was how long sould you wait before getting with a family member of an ex.
I think the family member is a separate issue - the real question is how long should you wait after a breakup before getting with anyone. I'm a big fan of saying "Screw that!" to the rules, and doing what feels right and seems sensible.
What do you want from this girl? A relationship? A brief fling? A one-night stand? Be careful that anything you want is not just a rebound thing - unless you're only interested in a one-night stand or a fling, and both of you know that.

So how long should you wait? A week? ten days? A coupla hours??

It's up to you! It'll depend on the intensity of your previous relationship, the terms that you ended it on, how you feel about the family member (is it just a physical thing? emotional?) etc etc
These are all questions only you can answer, and it's a matter of making your own judgement.

Good luck souls, let us know what (if anything) happens!

CasperTG

[Oldfart]

Souls, Maaaaaaaaaaaate!

Listen to Uncle Oldfart on this one.

How long? Until she's dead or hell has frozen over, either works.

You'll become an instant lighning rod for all the shit she's ever felt

if you go "formal", and a walking time bomb if you do it behind her back.

There is no good outcome with this.

[souls_cry2000]

Old fart that's what I'm trying to decide which one of those will occur. It's been almost a year since there was official dating going on. It seems like a long time but "some" females are funny that way. Some don't give a shit others don't take it too well.

I'm not sure what I want out of it or what exacly is going to happen. I think it's best to go into it that way since making any plans longer than six hours tends to get me into trouble.

[BamaKyttn]

knowing all parties involved..... I think you're opening up for your ex to get more shit from her parents and then theres the whole happy birthday cousin daddy thing........ thank god(dess) for mississipi.

[souls_cry2000]

You are right Kyttn. Although the whole situation has been a bit shady since day one. You forget that if I'm not in trouble then Trouble walks out of my shower naked leaving me to explain.

I don't really exists in her parents little world. Oh and that cousin daddy thing is sooooo worst case scenerio kinda like getting drunk and married a few miles outside of Nawlins (don't ask).

But on a more serios note I take it the consensus is "don't go there" or if I do then "that's yo' ass Mr. Postman".

[BamaKyttn]

>shrug< your life kiddo, you get to choose how to fuck it up.

[Toreador]

Harsh?

Anyway, if you think you can pull it off, I say go for it.

[Missy1965]

hmmm that's a touchy one. Ok here goes from a womens point of view. I would say it depends on three things, 1. How long did you and your ex go together? 2. Are you still close with her? 3. Is this friend of hers what you really want? If you were together for along time and you broke it off with her I can see how she might feel hurt especially if you and her are currently friends and there are still feelings involved here. If she broke it off with you then I would say that was her choice to end it so you are free to do whatever you want. The next thing is how close are they as friends? Will this cause a riff between them? You may want to think of how that will affect you in the long run. What a headache that can be. I mean is it worth the aggravation? Women can be very catty when it comes to boyfriends ex's or not. However, if neither one of them cares then go for it. I have ex's that I could care less if one of my friends married them. It really depends on how close you all are as friends. Good luck.

[celticangel]

one of my best pals and my ex-husband have "got together". Situation is quite weird in that;
1~Have known my pal for 15yrs and know that she deserves a good man after all the hassles she has had to face.
2~My ex and I were never really in "love" and our relationship was doomed to failure before it was started---hind-sight beeing 20/20 vision!
3~Know that I want what is best for both.
4~Worry that the kids will be upset /confused/?????--------our kids have been "family" from the outset.
5~worried that if it doesn't work out that the pain will be too much for those affected to bear!
6~wanting it to work out for the best.
Basically if things go well-----------great##everyone happy
if things go pear shaped----loads of pieces to pick up!

Best wishes that u make the choice that is right for u!

[Dan99NY]

souls_cry2000 ...

If it's a situation where your dick is calling the shots and she is "very sexy" I suggest nurturing the friendship for 6 months, before leaping into a relationship. It would be even better if your "ex" is in a NEW relationship BEFORE you finally make the leap toward the family member.

If you can't wait that long ... expect grief, embarassment and pain to POSSIBLY occur along with the sex.

If both of you can do it in a secretive way for an extended amount of time and she is very sexy ... GO FOR IT! :D

If you get caught ... don't mention my name. I don't know you. lol

Dan