SteinFibers
02-05-2003, 08:44 AM
Just a little Bit Different
When did I realize it? The exact moment when I became aware of it, I think I will never know. What happened? It was the day the realization came to me that the school I was in, the people that I thought I knew, and the friends that I had really did not matter to me at all. It isn’t because I am different, or that they did something wrong, it just didn’t seem to fit all together. We listened to different music, they were into Alternative, Grunge, Rock n’ Roll, while I was a Techno, Euro, Dance, and Freestyle. I was playing hockey in the local gym while they went out to drink and smoke. Never once did they come to play hockey with me, never once did I go out to drink with them. Keep in mind that when they went out to drink, they went to the park or hid in someone’s garage because we were all underage and thus making it illegal to drink. Did I ever feel the urge to drink? Of course, but for some reason I really never understood, a reason to this day, I have still never tasted alcohol. It took me awhile but I realized that I was in the wrong school hanging with the wrong crowd. I changed school’s, I convinced my father to let me into a more ‘organized school.’ Where everyone was a bit more into the music I was into, a bit more into the clothing I was into, the fact that we had to wear uniforms even made it a bit easier to fit in. It wasn’t conformity I was looking for mind you, it was just acceptance. To be around people who shared similar interests as me without being abrasive or hostile towards a different train of thought. This was the place that I met her, of course this is the part when you may be thinking, “Ah, here we go, a sexual encounter changes him, or in some adolescent curiosity shared between the two changes him for the better.” I must warn you before I continue, this is not the type of meeting or experience you may find comforting, or even normal, I’ve come to accept the fact that my meeting her has become an obsession passing on to the neurotic, without of course becoming illegal.
I have to ask, if you came close to meeting perfection, touching perfection, being able to physically hold it in your hand, realizing that it was possible, only to have it snatched away, never knowing when it would be back or if you could have it again, what would you do? Would you continue the chase? Would you give up? Would you think that it was your moment and you now had to move on and settle for something less. I will explain this further, but for now let me introduce the antagonist in my life. She is what kept me going, she was my hero, she was my first love, now I don’t know what she was. Her name was Lisa. What can I say, I could describe her to you, her measurements, her features, the way her hair blows in the wind, the way she likes to twist her long brown wavy hair in her fingers, but what’s the point, I’m sure you know her already. She’s the girl in your dreams; she’s that girl in your fantasy. You know the one I am talking about, the one that doesn’t exist because if she did she would be an angel. In life we meet many people, people we hate, people we become friends with and people we fall in love with. The latter happens sometimes without cause, some lovers are total opposites, and some are soul mates. My point is, Lisa was beyond all that. She went beyond what a soul mate would entail! She didn’t just laugh at my jokes, she understood them, she didn’t adapt to my whims it was as if she anticipated them, it wasn’t as if I was looking for a slave I was looking to get as close to perfection as humanly possible and that was my problem. What am I about to share, divulge if you will, will make you think twice about my sanity, whether or not I am right in the head will all be based upon your beliefs and your ability to trust a perfect stranger. This is one of those situations where “What if it were True” will intrigue you as long as it will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Without knowing completely why, all of a sudden I changed my image, my lifestyle and all my friends and even my school. I changed not only from the inside and the way I thought but from a physical aspect as well. I won’t lie, I was from far away from perfect as possible could be. It’s not enough to say that before I went to my new school I was simply overweight, I was steadily gaining weight I had gone from an active and athletic student to a lazy pungent drone. Due to the fact that my new school was based on semesters, there was approximately a 2-month layover before I could officially start, in which time I lost 60 pounds. It wasn’t as if I went on a diet, it was like my metabolism just went into overdrive, I guess one can argue I just became of age and my body was going through changes, but still I remembered it amazed me how quickly it seemed I had gained the weight and then just as quickly I had lost it. That’s as far as I dare to go without putting everyone who reads this to sleep, for those of you who stuck with it, thank you, maybe just maybe, … never mind I’ll just continue.
So my first day of school came, my first class, my first encounter with Lisa. She was sitting in the back row with a bunch of students that I could tell were either A) Very popular or B) Very rich. It turns out they were both. The second I walked in it was obvious that I was the ‘new guy,’ the fact that I had to ask someone sitting in the front whether it was Law class or not and that it was second semester and no one in the class knew who I was made the point more obvious. Before I could really look around and get comfortable with my setting the teacher walked in and immediately recognized who I was, not by face mind you, but it was obvious that he was expecting a new student and this seemed to be a big deal, or at least he made one out of it. Of course he introduced me to the class with the typical mumbo jumbo about my name and where I came from and then of course offered me a seat in the front row right in front of his desk. From what I could make out of my brief overview of the class is that there were three rows of desks paired facing the teacher’s desk. What I didn’t expect was that he asked for a volunteer that knew the school well and that could show me around and introduce me to people to sit next to me. It was at this point that the class went silent, I mean who in their right mind would want to be chaperone to some new guy who could be a total loser and be stuck with him sitting in the front row right next to the teacher. I bet this is the part you think where Lisa gets up in front of all her classmates, shows her bravery and her willingness to face the unknown, break out of conformity and comes and sits next to me. Well that is exactly what happens, to my shock and of course to my delight. This is where I truly noticed her, there were a lot of pretty faces in the class room and a few had caught my attention when I walked in, but Lisa was too far back in the class for me to have singled out, it wasn’t as though there was a Halo over her head to single her out. She introduced herself to me and told me her class schedule, she basically took me over the school rules, guidelines, and a whole bunch of other useful information a new student would need, all the time I was thinking to myself, and I do admit it was immature, but she was a babe and that she must make some man very happy. I was to learn more of that man later, but she had asked me a question but I was so lost in my thoughts that I had not caught what it was. It was at that time that the teacher had finished whatever it was he was writing on the board and had begun his lecture. That whole period I was unable to mutter a single word to her but it seems she understood my predicament, not that I was new to the school, not that I was intimidated by my new environment, but rather, I was too caught up in her aura, I wanted my first words to be meaningful, I wanted to start off with a good impression, I didn’t want to come off and say something goofy, so I wanted to choose my words carefully, and it was during this thought when she actually grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes and said that it would be helpful that if I started off by saying, “Hi.” At that moment the only thought I had was to laugh and so I did and she laughed and so it had begun. The four classes we had were broken down into four periods with a lunch period in between. The way the schedules were set up that the first class would be the home-room class and that students in that class would have at least 2 of 4 classes together and a common lunch. It turned out that Lisa and I had the exact same schedule. At lunch she introduced me to her friends whom at first did seem a bit cautious towards me and not as open as Lisa was, but they did seem friendly enough. I learned that everyone in the school had basically grown up together and even though there were many people from different feeder schools they had met before coming to high school through sports tournaments, family outings and things like that. They were basically one big happy family and as any newcomer there is an adjustment phase and over the next few weeks it was as though I had been there from the start, the stories they shared with me, the gossip I heard, throughout it all Lisa and I had formed a friendship. From the first day she had given me her number to call if I had any questions about schoolwork or if I just wanted to chat. I remember not wanting to seem to eager to call her so I think I waited nearly 15 minutes after I got home before dialing her up. She seemed happy to hear from me. The conversation was suppose to be short, I just wanted to thank her for being so nice to me and making my first day really easy, I remember that first call lasting for nearly 4 hours before it finally ended and even then I didn’t want to stop talking to her.
When did I realize it? The exact moment when I became aware of it, I think I will never know. What happened? It was the day the realization came to me that the school I was in, the people that I thought I knew, and the friends that I had really did not matter to me at all. It isn’t because I am different, or that they did something wrong, it just didn’t seem to fit all together. We listened to different music, they were into Alternative, Grunge, Rock n’ Roll, while I was a Techno, Euro, Dance, and Freestyle. I was playing hockey in the local gym while they went out to drink and smoke. Never once did they come to play hockey with me, never once did I go out to drink with them. Keep in mind that when they went out to drink, they went to the park or hid in someone’s garage because we were all underage and thus making it illegal to drink. Did I ever feel the urge to drink? Of course, but for some reason I really never understood, a reason to this day, I have still never tasted alcohol. It took me awhile but I realized that I was in the wrong school hanging with the wrong crowd. I changed school’s, I convinced my father to let me into a more ‘organized school.’ Where everyone was a bit more into the music I was into, a bit more into the clothing I was into, the fact that we had to wear uniforms even made it a bit easier to fit in. It wasn’t conformity I was looking for mind you, it was just acceptance. To be around people who shared similar interests as me without being abrasive or hostile towards a different train of thought. This was the place that I met her, of course this is the part when you may be thinking, “Ah, here we go, a sexual encounter changes him, or in some adolescent curiosity shared between the two changes him for the better.” I must warn you before I continue, this is not the type of meeting or experience you may find comforting, or even normal, I’ve come to accept the fact that my meeting her has become an obsession passing on to the neurotic, without of course becoming illegal.
I have to ask, if you came close to meeting perfection, touching perfection, being able to physically hold it in your hand, realizing that it was possible, only to have it snatched away, never knowing when it would be back or if you could have it again, what would you do? Would you continue the chase? Would you give up? Would you think that it was your moment and you now had to move on and settle for something less. I will explain this further, but for now let me introduce the antagonist in my life. She is what kept me going, she was my hero, she was my first love, now I don’t know what she was. Her name was Lisa. What can I say, I could describe her to you, her measurements, her features, the way her hair blows in the wind, the way she likes to twist her long brown wavy hair in her fingers, but what’s the point, I’m sure you know her already. She’s the girl in your dreams; she’s that girl in your fantasy. You know the one I am talking about, the one that doesn’t exist because if she did she would be an angel. In life we meet many people, people we hate, people we become friends with and people we fall in love with. The latter happens sometimes without cause, some lovers are total opposites, and some are soul mates. My point is, Lisa was beyond all that. She went beyond what a soul mate would entail! She didn’t just laugh at my jokes, she understood them, she didn’t adapt to my whims it was as if she anticipated them, it wasn’t as if I was looking for a slave I was looking to get as close to perfection as humanly possible and that was my problem. What am I about to share, divulge if you will, will make you think twice about my sanity, whether or not I am right in the head will all be based upon your beliefs and your ability to trust a perfect stranger. This is one of those situations where “What if it were True” will intrigue you as long as it will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Without knowing completely why, all of a sudden I changed my image, my lifestyle and all my friends and even my school. I changed not only from the inside and the way I thought but from a physical aspect as well. I won’t lie, I was from far away from perfect as possible could be. It’s not enough to say that before I went to my new school I was simply overweight, I was steadily gaining weight I had gone from an active and athletic student to a lazy pungent drone. Due to the fact that my new school was based on semesters, there was approximately a 2-month layover before I could officially start, in which time I lost 60 pounds. It wasn’t as if I went on a diet, it was like my metabolism just went into overdrive, I guess one can argue I just became of age and my body was going through changes, but still I remembered it amazed me how quickly it seemed I had gained the weight and then just as quickly I had lost it. That’s as far as I dare to go without putting everyone who reads this to sleep, for those of you who stuck with it, thank you, maybe just maybe, … never mind I’ll just continue.
So my first day of school came, my first class, my first encounter with Lisa. She was sitting in the back row with a bunch of students that I could tell were either A) Very popular or B) Very rich. It turns out they were both. The second I walked in it was obvious that I was the ‘new guy,’ the fact that I had to ask someone sitting in the front whether it was Law class or not and that it was second semester and no one in the class knew who I was made the point more obvious. Before I could really look around and get comfortable with my setting the teacher walked in and immediately recognized who I was, not by face mind you, but it was obvious that he was expecting a new student and this seemed to be a big deal, or at least he made one out of it. Of course he introduced me to the class with the typical mumbo jumbo about my name and where I came from and then of course offered me a seat in the front row right in front of his desk. From what I could make out of my brief overview of the class is that there were three rows of desks paired facing the teacher’s desk. What I didn’t expect was that he asked for a volunteer that knew the school well and that could show me around and introduce me to people to sit next to me. It was at this point that the class went silent, I mean who in their right mind would want to be chaperone to some new guy who could be a total loser and be stuck with him sitting in the front row right next to the teacher. I bet this is the part you think where Lisa gets up in front of all her classmates, shows her bravery and her willingness to face the unknown, break out of conformity and comes and sits next to me. Well that is exactly what happens, to my shock and of course to my delight. This is where I truly noticed her, there were a lot of pretty faces in the class room and a few had caught my attention when I walked in, but Lisa was too far back in the class for me to have singled out, it wasn’t as though there was a Halo over her head to single her out. She introduced herself to me and told me her class schedule, she basically took me over the school rules, guidelines, and a whole bunch of other useful information a new student would need, all the time I was thinking to myself, and I do admit it was immature, but she was a babe and that she must make some man very happy. I was to learn more of that man later, but she had asked me a question but I was so lost in my thoughts that I had not caught what it was. It was at that time that the teacher had finished whatever it was he was writing on the board and had begun his lecture. That whole period I was unable to mutter a single word to her but it seems she understood my predicament, not that I was new to the school, not that I was intimidated by my new environment, but rather, I was too caught up in her aura, I wanted my first words to be meaningful, I wanted to start off with a good impression, I didn’t want to come off and say something goofy, so I wanted to choose my words carefully, and it was during this thought when she actually grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes and said that it would be helpful that if I started off by saying, “Hi.” At that moment the only thought I had was to laugh and so I did and she laughed and so it had begun. The four classes we had were broken down into four periods with a lunch period in between. The way the schedules were set up that the first class would be the home-room class and that students in that class would have at least 2 of 4 classes together and a common lunch. It turned out that Lisa and I had the exact same schedule. At lunch she introduced me to her friends whom at first did seem a bit cautious towards me and not as open as Lisa was, but they did seem friendly enough. I learned that everyone in the school had basically grown up together and even though there were many people from different feeder schools they had met before coming to high school through sports tournaments, family outings and things like that. They were basically one big happy family and as any newcomer there is an adjustment phase and over the next few weeks it was as though I had been there from the start, the stories they shared with me, the gossip I heard, throughout it all Lisa and I had formed a friendship. From the first day she had given me her number to call if I had any questions about schoolwork or if I just wanted to chat. I remember not wanting to seem to eager to call her so I think I waited nearly 15 minutes after I got home before dialing her up. She seemed happy to hear from me. The conversation was suppose to be short, I just wanted to thank her for being so nice to me and making my first day really easy, I remember that first call lasting for nearly 4 hours before it finally ended and even then I didn’t want to stop talking to her.