Relationship question

[Hurricane330]

Hi everyone. This is my first post here, and I"m sorry it's not a bit more fun, but I've read the advice coming out of this forum and you folks seem wonderful.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years in a long distance relationship because of school. He's about 1200 miles away, so I don't get to see him very often, but we are very committed to making this work. I am planning on going to medical school at some point and he would like it if I came out to where he's living now. The only problem is, marriage doesn't seem to figure into his plans for our near future. While I agree we should not marry anytime really soon because of the distance, I've recently found myself wanting to take the next step and get engaged.
The topic has come up in casual conversation, and he claims the reason for his negative reaction is his current financial situation (ie. poor college student). However, he always seems to have money to put into his mountain bike, concert festival tickets and weekend trips with his friends and with me. I'm trying hard not to take all of this personally, and I just wondered what some of you think might be going on.

[denny]

Not sure I have any great advice for you. Long distance is hell on a relationship and in light of that, I wish you the best. Sounds like he isn't ready for the total commitment yet, particularly with the separation. I hope this works for the two of you. Maybe someone here has some good advice.

[Steph]

I would honestly advise you not to pressure him. He's young (you are, too!) - he wants to go on trips, see concerts, fix up his bike. Why would you want to put a stop to that stuff? Why does a relationship and having fun have to be two mutually exclusive things?

He sounds like he loves you but isn't ready to be married or engaged just yet. Give it time and see what happens.

[PantyFanatic]

…..I am planning on going to medical school at some point …... The only problem is, marriage doesn't seem to figure into his plans for our near future……I've recently found myself wanting to take the next step and get engaged……he always seems to have money to put into his mountain bike…..I'm trying hard not to take all of this personally…..

Marriage IS a personal thing. Are you sure you’re both looking at the same mountain?:confused:

[Hurricane330]

Thank you guys for your advice so far. I suppose my main problem with all this is that he wants me to come out there for medical school and live with him, but the cow and free milk thing I just can't seem to get out of my mind. He says he wants to be financially stable before marrying and out of school, and so do I, yet I would really like to know that committment is on the horizon before I pack up my life here and move a thousand miles away for him. I certainly don't want to put a stop to his hobbies, since we share most of them and spend a good deal of our time together biking and such. I suppose my main concern is that I am living my life for our future together, going to a cheap school so we won't be in debt when we are starting out together, planning to go to grad school where he is, and I'm just not seeing that I'm being met half way. Am I jumping the gun and going nutty here? I've not mentioned most of this since I DON'T want to pressure him at all.

[BigBear57]

Your wishes and concerns seem perfectly in line to me. I think a long talk before preparing to move is in order. I hate the ultimatum thing but truth is, he either wants what you do or he doesn't. Sounds to me like he's got a fine lady with a brain. He should listen and get inline. Best of luck to you two.

[naughtyeddie]

hey

i am no expert on this as my ex and i just broke up a few weeks ago and it was a long distance relationship.

she was pressuring me to marry her this jseptember but we only got together last september. i felt that i didnt know her well enough even though i wanted to marry her, seeing her once a month was painful eventhough we chatted every night.

it is hard to feeel conmfortable marring ap erson after only a long distance relationship.

i was planning to get a job in her area for a year or two and see how it developed from there.

my advice

as you have the option of going to school there, if you love him go for it.

about the free milk, get your own place and let him know you wont move in together until you are both married, you can allways change your mind later as things progress.

if you love him dont give up that easy, true fullfilling love is hard to find.

i also understand his concern about financial stability, concert tickets is one thing but buying a house and raising a family is another. io also have that fear but if me and my so understand the limitations of our salaries and work together for our family then we can go ahead, but do feel as though i am shortchanging my so as i cant provide the same sandard of living i grew up in to my so and future children.

any way dont let true love get away, it is not that easy to find