~~Cries~~

[Wisper]

im going crazy!! ive been w/ my b/f for like a month...and it may sound strange or whatever but im totally in love w/ him...i think he is the one for me......though he doesnt know b/c he is supposed to be moving to austin **i live in houston* in 6 months, so he doesnt want things to get too deep...so i keep it to myself b/c i dont want to make things any more difficult for him when he is going to leave.........ok, so thats a little back story....6 months is fine for me, hell i may even want to move to austin by then, but i dont know yet b/c somthing has come up between us that upsets me.....ok, he told me when we first got together that he still has some feelings for an ex that he fell in love with...im not exactly sure on the details of what ended it but i understand that.....she lives in another city ok.....yesterday **i had stayed from friday until noon today at his apartment with him..so much fun, i love being w/him!!** he told me that **BTW they have remained friends** she called him the other day and she wants to come back to houston to finish her degree, and she wants to move in with him.....since she's her friend he is considering it, but also he told me up front that if she did move in w/ him that somthing would end up happening.....so basically it comes down to if he tells her 'yes' he'll lose me, and if he says 'no' he'll lose her......Oh my Goddess you guys, im so scared that he is going to tell her yes!! i dont want to lose him...i dont know what to do, he knows my opinion, but its his decision and his alone.... i dont know what i would do if i lost him, i have this feeling that i will b/c he loved her and i dont think he'll let himself love me right now, so she has the upper hand in his heart, all i can do is hope and worry, and of course cry......

sorry for my whining..i just need to express a bit here, not many of my friends ive talked to at work seem to understand much....but for those of you who acctually read my rantings, i hope you dont think im too crazy :o)

[dannyk]

Wisper, hun, first off, you're not crazy! you're very normal. what you're going through a lot of us face, but i know that does not make it easier for you.
i know this will sound harsh, but i think you should let him go. hear me out. he had feelings for her when you got together, he's considering letting her move in, knowing that 'something' may happen. he does not sound committed, or ready to commit, to you. as yet. maybe in the next few months things will change. maybe not. life isn't easy.
i know it's hard, but the only other option i can see is to go with him, and maybe fight for him. but you have to believe he wants you. if not, it's a losing battle.
you have my prayers.

[Lilith]

Originally posted by Wisper
but also he told me up front that if she did move in w/ him that somthing would end up happening.....


Wisper~ I know it's not what you wanna hear but but he has clearly told you that you are not his priority. You are very fortunate that he has told you flat out and been honest.........now here is the catch....you have to believe him. He has told you his feelings for you would NOT prevent him from starting something with someone else. For me that would be enough to know I either back off and just allow the relationship to be casual (which it sounds like is too late for you) or I would just get out. I know you love him and that you want to try to make things work out but he has told you how it is. If you believe him then you will save yourself deeper heartache later. ((hugs))

[sw_juggalo]

Wisper,
Belive me when I say I know what your feeling. I've ben there before myself with my g/f we were together for one and a half years before she broke up with me (to this day I still don't know why she did)... I did everything I could to keep that from happening. As much as I hate to say it sometimes it just can't be helped. Hope everything works out for you.

[vampiress]

I'd have to go along with Lilith on this case... guys are really complicated with their feelings and TRUST ME, when a guy says he's got some feelings for his ex, then thats it, youre not his first priority. I know it's hard cause you've been having such a great time but if you want an advice, my advice is to wish him good luck in the future, and if he ever thinks about you again he's welcomed to call - cause let's face it - you still got and will have feelings for him, so you don't wanna be closing all your doors.

Good luck with that, it's painful and teary nights are up ahead I'm sure because I've been through it, and loving someone more than they love you...it's hurting and somewhat humiliating...you sound like a smart girl, and I think you've already figured out what we're saying here, but, as Lilith wrote, you only need to believe in it now and act to it.

Hope that helped, and I totally feel for you and know what you're going through. if he's not 100% yours in his heart then it's really not worth it.

PS there's no use fighting for him. let him come to you if he truly loves you the way you love him.

[katekate42]

We're all behind you hun. Here's the thing, while the long-distance thing sucks, it beats losing someone you love altogether. The thing is, this guy isn't even willing to try. Plus, if you were still with him and his ex moved in, you'd spend many more sleepless/teary nights wondering when that *something* is going to happen. I know it's not what you want to hear because I've been there myself, but letting him go will be better for you in the long run. Best of luck and hugs :)

[Vintage Vixen]

I personally went through this myself when someone i loved told me on the day he was to divorce his second wife that they were going to try and work things out....i was like wtf lol?We had plans for the next day and he asked me if i still wanted him to come over and keep our plans ,of course i said yes.It was extremely emotional for me and i thought to myself ok if he's so determined to work things out with 2nd wife then why isn't he spendin the nite with her after this great revelation they both had??? We talked about it i cryed till i had nothing left and we continued to talk....bottom line is he did divorce her i didn't question what went on during the time which was only a week i figured he had to do what he had to do to decide...I know how it feels and how much it hurts i hope things work out for you as they did for me.
If not then be strong and know it's okay cry and be pissed but no guy is worth your sanity.

[Oldfart]

Wisper

Tell him outright to make a choice, not you leaving him.

Don't give him the easy way out and if you love him, at least put up

a little battle.