Christmas Day with the Piffles
 

George Piffle
 

"George! GEORGE! Are you down there?"

Hearing his wife's voice from upstairs causes George to almost fall off his chair. He had been watching an episode of The Brady Bunch to help steel himself for the rest of the day.

He is not looking forward to this Christmas, not at all. Actually, he never likes Christmas but this year he definitely doesn't. Last night, after a long day of going around the shops with his youngest daughter (he still got blisters on his feet to prove it), Gracie had told him that his sister and her brother (he has never gotten over the fact they got married) are coming over to grace them with their presence. He shudders as he remembers the last time.

"GEORGE!!?? You are not down in the cellar again??? I thought you were going to fix the lights before anyone comes?"

"Coming!" He shouts as he gets up and switches the old telly off.

He will have to see what Mike Brady does to deal with his current predicament some other time...

Gracie
 

Gwen

"Hello?!" Gwen Richards opens the front door to the Piffles home.
"Aunt Gracie, Uncle George? It's Gwen."

"Oh well, guess they're around somewhere." Throwing bags on the floor, "guess this is what happens when your plane is early for once."

One more uneventful yeah at the Piffles, at least Grandma Gertrude is going to be here. Maybe she'll make Uncle George squirm like she did last year.
That was fun!

"Huh, wonder where everyone is, I couldn't be that early."....

George
 

He has to do a double-take before he realises what his wife has done.

"For God's sake, Gracie. Stop skylarking around. You could accidentally electrocute yourself." He switches off the lights again, ignoring his stunned looking wife.

"And you shouldn't go around undressed like that. Remember what happened when Dan, our nephew, caught you that time? And then there was that kid from next door the time before."

Going into the hall and almost collides into his gob-smacked niece, Gwen, as she stands there, gawking at her naked aunt...

Dan Piffle
 

The Yellow Taxi skidded to a halt outside the large stately home of The Piffles, the driver turning in his seat, cigar smoke billowing from the ash tray and clouding the air slightly.
"That's 17 bucks kid..." He grins maleovently and holds out a grimy hand
"You're joking right?" Dan laughed dryly
"Im not much of a comedian kid..." The Cab driver gave him a blank look
Dan pulled out his wallet reluctantly and threw a 20 into the drivers lap as he slammed the door shut.
"Keep the change asshole..." Dan sneered picking up his bag and turned to walk away
"Dont worry Kid, I plan to..." The Driver laughs and pulls away, the large puddle splashing up Dans legs as the Taxi exits.
"Agh....you bastard..." Dan snaps angrily staring down at his soaked baggy pants.
He turns back to the house of his Aunt and Uncle and starts walking up the driveway towards the door, he notices it is already open and readies himself for the traditional family greeting.
Damn he hates being the baby boy of the family...one more relative ruffling his hair and he swears he will snap....
Swinging his bag over his shoulder and walking the few stairs to the door, he takes a deep breath and makes the plunge.
"Merry Christmas..." He says in his merriest voice and drops his bag in suprise.
His Aunt Gracie is standing completely naked in the lving room, well almost completely naked, she is entwined in christmas lights which are flashing the entire legnth of her body.
Dans mind wanders as he turns away in embarassment, he remembers the last time he saw his Aunt like that, it was before he left for England to study Medicene at Oxford University. It had been Christmas then too, he had wandered off to bed at well past midnight. Crawling into bed, stripping down and laying staring at the ceiling as he tried to sleep. He had rose up to go to the bathroom and had walked straight into his Aunt Gracie, she was walking down the hallway, she was completely naked and their bodies pressed together as they collided.
Dan had ran back into his room apologising profusely, but when he lay in the guest room, he brought himself to a long and blissful orgasm imagaining his Aunt Gracie in his arms....
The World snaps back to Dan and he turns to look at the woman next to him, its his Step-Sister Gwen. Their parents married eachother after both of them were born.
"Gwen...?" He tries to take his mind off of the sight of his naked aunt and concentrates hard on not getting hard....

Gracie
 

.

“Uh.......um.............Hi everyone” Standing there gaping at her naked aunt. “Hi Aunt Gracie, Uncle George”

“I’m not quite sure what to say.” Grandma should be here to see this, thinking to herself, she’d have a lot to say.

“Gwen...?” She hears beside her.

“Dan, I didn’t hear you come in!”

They both stand there staring at their naked aunt wrapped in Christmas lights. Gwen thinks to herself, wow, she’s not that bad. As she wags her finger and heads upstairs Gwen watching her go.

“Wait, where’s Grandma? Wasn’t someone supposed to pick her up? ”

George Piffle
 

Even as he staggers to avoid his niece, there is a sudden eclipse. Wondering what is blocking the light, he finds himself staring at a man-mountain that he quickly recognises as his nephew, Daniel.

He's bigger than ever!

Of course, the boy isn't taking notice of him. Not while there is his aunt to ogle, who is currently wiggling her full hips in their direction as she finally heads upstairs to presumably, (hopefully?) dress.

At least Gracie will be glad that Dan is here. He thinks to himself, remembering that other Christmas and how happy Gracie was. Then his face drops as he remembers how frisky she was too.

“Wait, where’s Grandma? Wasn’t someone supposed to pick her up?” His niece is saying.

"Ma!!!" His eyes open in horror. "I've forgotten to pick her up from the airport!!!! I am doomed! DOOMED!!!!"

Leaving his niece and nephew, George grabs his coat and keys and dashes outside; only to find that the pathway has iced up. The occupants inside the house hear a terrible shriek, followed by an almost crash a few moments later...

Dan Piffle
 

“Wait, where’s Grandma? Wasn’t someone supposed to pick her up?” Dan vaguely hears Gwen ask

"Ma!!!" He dreamily hears his Uncle reply "I've forgotten to pick her up from the airport!!!! I am doomed! DOOMED!!!!"

Dans eyes are primarily focused ont the retreating behind of his aunt as she wiggles her way up the stairs, still trailing lights and their extension chord.

His Uncle runs past him, still not unphasing him from his fantasy thoughts and its only when he hears the shout and crash does he snaps back and turn into the driveway.

He turns to Gwen and flinches a little, laughing silently
"Ouch" He smiles to her

There was a screeching halt as a second taxi pulls into Spitfire Drive, Dan looks on dismay as Grandma pulls herself from the Cab, smoke folllowing her like a oet dog. She shuffles over to his Uncle, sprawled out in pain across the driveway and Dan can almost hear him squirm as she tests him.

She drops her bags on top of him and slowly walks toward the doorway, Dan and Gwen move out of the way as Aunt Gracie appears to embrace her mother.

"Where's my little girl?", she calls "Gracie! Gracie Mae come greet your mother properly" as she reaches the front step, motioning for George to get up and bring her bags in.

Gracie appears before her mother flustered, smoothing her clothes and smiles.
" Hello mother" she says placing a kiss on Gertrude's cheek.

"Honey ya look flushed, George is not working you too hard around here is he?" she says in a sarcastic tone, as Dan wonders what shes on about.

He looks over at Gwen, he hasnt seen her in almost 2 and a half years and he doesnt take lopng to notice how much his 'big sis' has grown.

Gwen

Dan turns to Gwen and flinches a little. Laughing
“Ouch.” He smiles to her.

“Hey, It’s Grandma!” She says to Dan.

There was a screeching halt as a taxi pulls into Spitfire Drive, Gwen looks on in awe as Grandma pulls herself from the Cab. Shuffling herself over to Uncle, sprawled out in pain across the driveway, and throwing her bags on him. Gwen smiles to herself waiting for Grandma to say something.

“ You gonna just lie there or are you gonna help an old lady with her bag?", she hollers to Uncle George who is still sprawled out.

Moving out of the way just in time, she looks over at Dan. Hmm.. It’s been awhile, wow almost three years.. He looks good.

“Hi Grandma! How are you?” As Gwen walks over to grandma. “You should have been here earlier, you missed some interesting stuff.”

Gwen turns and winks at Dan. “Didn’t she Dan?”

It has been too long since she’s seen the family. Dan really looks good. Maybe too good for her own sake.

George
 

"Hey! Bub! Was that your muther? The old bat has got the fare wrong."

For long moments, he just lays there in the snow. Realising that no-one is going to come and investigate plus the cab-driver is getting more irate by the minute, he finally gets up (despite the pain) and pays the man.

Once that is achieved, he bravely staggers back into the house and to the relative safety of the family couch.

Within minutes, he is asleep...

"GRANDMA!!!!!" a small childs voice is heard screeching at the top of her lungs. A blur of wet, blonde hair trails down the stairs toward her Grandma Gertrude as she is talking to Gwen and Dan. Five-year-old Abigail, George and Gracies youngest daughter, throws her arms around her Grandmother, squeezing her tightly.

Following after her is her pudgy waddling teenage sister, hair wet as well for they both just finished bathing. "Abby come back here so I can brush your hair before it dries all nappy and we have to cut it all off hi Grandma," she says in one long breath. She then grabs her sister by the hair at the nape of her neck and begins to forcibly drag her back up the stairs by her waist length hair.

"QUIT IT! AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Abby shreiks, "DADDY!"

Gwen

Standing there talking to grandma and Dan; she sees Abby running down the satirs "GRANDMA!!!!!" Frankly Gwen doesn’t like Aunt Gracie’s kids. That’s her reason for going other places for the holidays, unfortunately she couldn’t think up an excuse to miss out this year. She finds them both quite annoying. Georgia come chasing after Abby

"Abby come back here so I can brush your hair before it dries all nappy and we have to cut it all off hi Grandma," Georgia says in one long breath. She then grabs her sister by the hair at the nape of her neck and begins to forcibly drag her back up the stairs by her waist length hair.

Standing there inwardly laughing at Abby and Georgia, she looks over to see the reaction from Uncle George when Abby shouts, only to find Uncle George fast asleep on the couch.

“Huh, guess who fell asleep on the couch already?” She says to Grandma Gertrude.

As Grandma turns to make fun of Uncle George some more, She turns to Dan and asks “So do you wanna go outside with me and catch up? I don’t know how you’ve been?”

George
 

George wakes up with a start.

"What?" He grunts, rubbing his head as he sees blurs all around him. As his vision clears, he sees that the 'blurs' are in fact Ma and the two kids standing over him.

"Get up and help Gracie! She's not your skivvie!"

Slowly sitting up, he finds that the pain has receded quite a lot.

"My God, George." Exclaims Ma, "You have sure put on the pounds since I last saw you...and what has ever happened to your hair???"

George grimaces She has only been here five minutes and he already can't wait to get back to work so he can get rid of her.

"I'll see what Gracie is doing. Kids, look after your granny!" He knows she hates calling her that, especially in front of the kids. The dirty look she flashes him confirms it.

Feeling more cheerful, he walks confidently off in search of his wife...

Dan
 

“Huh, guess who fell asleep on the couch already?” Gwen says to Grandma Gertrude.

As Grandma turns to make fun of Uncle George some more, She turns to Dan and asks “So do you wanna go outside with me and catch up? I don’t know how you’ve been?”

Dan smiles and opens to front door, pressing his back to it and letting Gwen walk out first.
His eyes follow her ass as she walks down the steps and by the garage doors.
He shakes himself mentally and follows her down and around.

he leans up against the red garage door, pulling his jacket tight around him and smiles at her.

"How you been keeping Gwen?" He asks, looking into her eyes

Gwen

“Well Dan since you seem so interested, I guess I might as well tell you.” Reaches into her pocket for her cigarettes. “Well the only reason I’m here is because my girlfriend broke up with me. And you know mom and dad aren’t to happy I turned out to be bisexual and dating a woman, because I’m “living in Sin”. Isn’t that funny, me; sin, who knew? That and for some of Grandma Gertrude’s Egg-straordinary Egg Nog.” Winks at Dan. Lights her cigarette, taking a long drag.

“How about you Dan? How’ve you been?”

“Eh. What can I say? Med schools been kicking my butt. Not much else.”

Gwen takes a good long look at Dan, damn it really has been to long, looks like the three years agree with him.

Suddenly a loud crash comes from the house, Gwen and Dan both turn and run into the house....

Peter Hollingsworth
 

"This is it, Mac. 1023, Spitfire Drive." Announces the driver as he pulls his yellow cab outside the Piffles' house.

"Thank you." Peter Hollingsworth grins with his perfectly set teeth.

Peter is here for one reason and one reason only - Gracie. Peter has known Gracie Cole (her maid name) since going to kindergarten and the two of them practically grew up together. In high school, they fell in love and he was Gracie's first (he lost his virginity in an unexpected encounter but Gracie thinks she is his first as well).

Left on its course, the two of them would have undoubtly got married. Unfortunately, his father died and his family moved to Florida to be with an aunt. He had wanted to stay but felt he could not leave his mom and two younger sisters.

He can still remember their teary farewell at the airport.

After that, Peter worked hard to achieve his dream of becoming a cardiologist, using his extremely good looks to become a part time model to help pay his way through university. However, although his life is a success on a professional level, privately he has never gotten over Gracie.

You can imagine the surprise and joy when her mother recently contacted him and invited him over for Christmas.

Getting out of the cab, Peter waits patiently for the cabbie to retrieve all his packages from the trunk.

"I'll give you this if you will take those up to the door." Peter waves four hundred-dollar notes in the man's face which lights up with greed.

"No problem, Mac. Just lead the way."

Pulling up the lapels of his thick vicuna longcoat, Peter traipse up the garden path to the front door, with the cabbie right behind him. Gently, he knocks on the door, only for it to fall open.

"Hello?" He says gingerly as he steps inside.

The living room is empty but he can hear shouting coming from the right.

Moving forward, he turns the corner and finds himself in a kitchen, its occupants gripped by a crisis. He can see why. On the table in the middle of the room sits a burnt husk of a turkey.

"Who are you?" Asks someone.

Georgia
 

Georgia, the eldest of the Piffle girls, waddled downstairs to a relatively calm household. Looking around, she doesn’t find anyone in the living room. She walks into the kitchen where Grandma and Abby are whipping up a batch of Grandma Gertrude’s blah blah blah blah eggnog.

Georgia then looks behind the pair to the oven where she notices a stream of smoke coming from the oven. Without thinking, she runs over to the oven and opens the door to find a flaming ball of what use to be considered turkey now cremating inside. Her first reaction was to reach in and grab the pan but immediately dropped it again into the floor with a crash spilling its flaming contents into a rolling flare across the kitchen floor.

Gwen and Dan rush in to find their grandmother and youngest cousin fighting a flaming turkey with dishcloths. Abby then grabs the nearest liquid she can find and pours it over the turkey. Unfortunately, its bourbon, which further ignites the bird sending, flames overhead. Dan then appears with a fire extinguisher and blasts the white foam across the flames sending a cloud of fog through the room.

When the room is visible there stands the stunned, group. Grandma Gertrude and Georgia at the sink tending Georgia’s burns, Abby under the island in the middle of the kitchen hugging her knees and crying, bourbon bottle at her side, Dan still holding the extinguisher, Gwen standing at the backdoor with a look of shocked amusement on her face, and a newcomer….

Georgia looks up from her wounds and is the first to notice him there. “Who are you?” she asks with a dreamy look in her eyes, ‘what a HOTTIE,’ she says to herself….

Gwen

Rushing into the kitchen just in time to see the turkey burst into a big ball of flames, Gwen stands there with an amused look on her face.

“Who are you?” she hears Georgia ask. Gwen spins around and finds a man she had never seen standing there behind her. This mush be Peter she thinks. Wow, what was Aunt Gracie thinking when she left him, he’s hot!

“You must Peter Hollingsworth. I’ve heard about you from Grandma Gertrude. Aunt Gracie is upstairs if that’s who you’re looking for.” giving him a wink and pointing him in the right direction.

Hmm.... he may just be what this family needs, we all need a little excitement and uncle is going to flip out when he finds out

Peter
 

OOC: Where is everyone? This thread needs livening up. ;)

“Who are you?” Someone asks.

It's a small girl.

“You must Peter Hollingsworth." Says an attractive blonde*. "I’ve heard about you from Grandma Gertrude. Aunt Gracie is upstairs if that’s who you’re looking for.” giving him a wink and pointing him in the right direction.

What has Gertrude been telling everyone? Has she told Gracie that he is coming? He had hoped it would be a surprise.

"Thank you, Miss...?" He says gallantly, holding out his hand.

"*giggle* I'm Gwen." Answers the woman as she accepts his hand. He can see that she is a relative of his beloved.

"Thank you, Gwen. What happened here?" He asks, referring to the burnt bird.

"Someone left the gas up to high." He doesn't need to be told who that 'someone' is. He remembers the charcoaled salads that Gracie used to prepare him back in University which only made him love her more.

"Here, let me help." Peter offers, pulling out his mobile.

"How?"

"Andre, my personal chef, is still on my plane. He can quickly cook a turkey in, say, twenty minutes."

"Twenty minutes??"

Peter just gives her one of the sparkling grins as he starts speaking to his chief.

"He is a very good chef." He says finally.

George
 

(OOC: :o Sorry, everyone, for neglecting this thread. I hope everyone is still interested?)

George skillfully ducks his wife's umpteenth lunge and dives out of the bedroom.

"But George, I need you!" She cries out.

Ding! Dong!

Saved by the bell. Or the door bell in this case.

Leaving his wife in the lurch, he dashes out onto the landing.

"Don't worry, everyone. I will answer it. It will most likely be Andre." Says a very smartly dressed stranger that he has never seen before in his life.

George stops and looks at him suspiciously.

No-one dresses up that smartly in this house!

Coming down the stairs, he watches the stranger take a box from yet another stranger at the door.

What's going on here?

"Merci, Andre." The smartly dressed stranger says, closing the door behind him.

Who is this guy? And why the box???

He is about to ask when there is an almighty shriek from upstairs.

"Peter??? Is that you???" Gracie squeals from the landing.

The smartly dressed stranger, completely ignoring George (except to thrust the box into his hands), rushes towards the stairs.

"Oh yes, my darling." He says dramatically.

My darling???

"Oh, Peter. I never thought..." He can see that his wife has started to cry.

What's got into her???

He just watches gobsmacked as his wife runs down the stairs and falls into the stranger's arms and they start kissing like crazy.

Eh????...

Peter
 

Mouths locked, their tongues dueling, Peter pulls his woman against him.

"We are together again." He breathes as their lips break for a mini-second before they come together again.

God! He wants her! He wants her NOW!!!!

Ignoring the audience that have gathered around them (including a stunned George and a grinning Gertrude) and without breaking their liplock, the handsome interloper scoops up his intended and makes up the stairs, towards the bedroom that was so very recently used for getting changed in and nothing else!!!

George
 

Suddenly George finds himself laying in bed, his body covered in sweat. His breath coming in short gasps.

What was that? A dream?

Looking at his watch, he sees that the date is 23rd October. It was definitely a dream. Breathing a sigh of relief, he sinks back into the mattress.

Hey! Wait a moment? Where is he? This isn't his bed!

Suddenly, the panic is there again. Obeying his instinct to flee, he starts to scramble out of the bed when a door opens and a naked man enters, still drying himself.

"Hello, Darling." Bobby Ewing smiles.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(Not to be concluded)

The End
 

You have been reading Christmas Day with the Piffles, starring (listed in the same order as in the total posts list):

faerie_princess as 'Gwen Richards'
Lilith as 'Grandma Gertrude'
Reaper as 'Dan Piffle'
Yoc ODubhthaigh as 'Peter Hollingsworth'
Maid of Marvels as 'Gracie Piffle'
Southern Charm as 'Georgia' and 'Abigail Piffle'
and Tibvo as 'George Piffle'

I want to thank everyone for taking part and I hope you all had a better Christmas than the Piffles had. :D