What to make of this 2nd date issue?
 

Ok so first date we hit it off no prob. I got the bad news for dinner and I didn't mind it. I did mention during it though in a teasing way that she could get the bill next time though (if there was, fortunately there was one).

So we talk a little on the phone & msn and we go out again and another dinner. Now during this talk she said she'd get dinner this time :P Now right after the bill arrives on the 2nd outing, she says could you cover it and I'll get the tickets (we were going to see a movie). I waS like, in my head here, wtf...

Ladies and gents, what's your read in on this? Is this girl just too cheap or what? I don't know what her financial situation is as I don't ask but I do know that she just recently graduated from university and is working. Like come on, I graduated too and I'm working as well.

Am I reading too much into this or is there some kinda of "guy always pays" that I missed? lol.

Any advice on how I should approach it? She wants me to give her a call again but I'm kinda of hesitant now because I think she's liking me because of my $ at this point (I'm pretty certain i make more than her, but I'm no Bill Gates).

Who cares who pays - if you like her and she likes you that's what matters at this stage, surely?

Perhaps she was not expecting the bill to be quite as big as it was. Perhaps she ordered a salad and a glass of water and you ordered steak and drank 3 beers.

Perhaps she feels that men should be willing to foot the bill for the first few dates. Perhaps she felt pressured by the comment you made about her paying next time.

Perhaps her ex was tight and she doesn't want to be stuck in that situation again. Perhaps she just is trying to gauge how you feel about her (i.e. do you want her company enough to pay for dinner or is the second date purely because she 'owes' you a meal out?)

At this stage, I really wouldn't read much into it. She's just graduated, so she's probably flat broke and trying to repay her debts.

If you really want to 'test' the situation, suggest going on a date that won't cost you any money, like a walk along the beach, a picnic in the park or something like that.

Lets ee if I have this right you have went out on two date with this girl you paid for the first meal she paid for the second (I'm going to assume that the meals were relatively close to the same price). Then yopu paid for a movie for both of you. Two tickets and some popcorn and drinks (if you had them) we are talking around $35 (around $20 if you didn't get the popcorn and drinks). if you figure half of the movie was paying you that's less then $20 you are down. You are wondering if she is too cheap and you are the one who's worried about who has paid more. You've spent around $20 on her(this is figureing the meals cancel each other out and the price of your half of the movie) and you are worried about her being after your money .

Dating isn't about the money you spend it's about getting out and meating people and maybe if you are lucky falling in love (or at least getting lucky). It shouldn't be about who pays for what it should be about going out and having a good time and enjoying the person you are with. If all you do is worry about who is paying for what that will never happen. Just enjoy yourself and have a good time.

Times have sure changed. When I dated my wife, I never expected her to pay. I always figured it was usually me who asked her to go out (except for a Sadie Hawkins Day dance or a dance recital she was in or something like that) and so I should pay (we dated for three years before we married and we've been married 43+ years).

I guess I can't honestly say I ever remember her paying for a date. I suppose if sometime she'd said, "Let me get this," I might have said okay ... but I certainly never expected that. I guess I'm just old fashioned, but then, I still typically hold doors for her and open the car door for her.

There's certainly nothing wrong with the lady paying or anything like that. I guess I just never expected her to. :shrug:

Booger you got the wrong end of the stick, I think. He paid for both meals and she paid for the cinema tickets.

I have to say, that whenever I go out, I always expect to pay my own way and so I do also expect my friends/dates (when I had them) to pay their own way too. Going out and expecting that she's going to pay for dinner for you both isn't right, regardless of what's gone on before.

^^Loulabelles got it right Booger.

I ended up with both meals (over 100+) and she got the tickets which were $20 for both (no concessions as we were too full at the time). She didn't even look at the bill when it arrived and it's not like I ordered a 22oz steak, i think the differences in orders were maybe $2-3.

I know dating's not about $ and more about finding that connection but come on...you can't ignore the finances here (maybe it's just me as i'm trying to save up $ for a condo + pay off my debts, i'm a recent grad too). It's got me wondering though a little...I think next outing i'll suggest we split the bill. How does one even bring that up with some tact?

Dude, ten years ago it would've been rude of you to even suggest splitting the bill, let alone making her pay for a whole date.
Chivalry don't happen any more.

But sure, I can see it from your point too - nobody likes being taken for a ride and it would be a humiliating kick in the nuts for it to go all wrong and realise that she only pretended to be interested in you to get a free feed.

My advice? This world is all about how you read people. How genuinely interested does she appear to be in you? If you're sure something solid is developing, hang the money issues and start dreaming of a condo for two!

I definitely like Lou's suggestion - a moneyless date. Walk on the beach (cliche though it is) or a simple coffee and a chat should sort out her interest. If she starts turning down the free stuff and hints heavily at the 'buy me a fur coat' type deal, reassess your options.

I am not currently dating, my husband frowns upon it, but when I did I always had enough money in case I needed to pay. That being said, I was taught it is common courtesy for the person who invites to pay.

she said it was her treat and then didn't treat, right? i think that's shitty.

I don't date a lot anymore but when I do I go into it with the idea that it's on me unless it was previously decided otherwise. I don't know, I guess that's just how I learned things would be on dates, the guy pays. :shrug:

I have absolutely no problem if the lady wants to pay or if we "go dutch" but it's just sort of a learned trait I guess that the guy pays for the date and I mean absolutely no disrespect to ladies when I say that. It's just the way it's been for me. I open doors, I bring flowers, offer to take her coat, compliment her on her hair, dress, etc..... and I guess I pay for the date. It's just the way I learned to do it.

Dating philosophies are much different these days though. Nowadays it seems it's almost improper for a date to begin at the home of one of the participating parites. Seems as if it's a, "Let's meet at....." kind of thing.

As you can see, I'm fairly cluess and thus still single at 39 yrs. old. Still have hopes though. Always gotta have hopes that "the nice guy" can come out on top. :wish:

Very interesting thread that I will be watching.:coffee:

(please keep the age range included ;) )

You did not say who ask whom out on the second date and even if in a joking way you said something about her paying next time, she might have been testing you, to see if it was really a joke or you were serious about her paying.

If the money's more of an issue than her company, fuck her off.

Tell her you're tight on brass and see if she'll meet you half way, suggest cheaper meets or blows you off for a guy with a fat wallet.

Communicate.

I still like Lou's idea of a moneyless date. Perhaps even jusst going somewhere a little cheaper. If you've taken her somewhere out of her price range then she might even be grateful to go somewhere that she can help foot the bill. Or she might feel insulted, what do I know... :p

The way I was brought up means that I hate to have anyone pay my way. I can't even borrow money from my parents without making sure I can pay them back quickly. It's annoyed my OH a bit, cause sometimes he just wants to treat me and I find it hard to let him. I'm getting there though, but I normally find some way to pay for both of us at another time to make it up. :D It's just a personal thing, I guess.

Oh dating, isn't it swell???
 

I always play by the rule, if you do the inviting, you should do the paying. I'm recently out of college and trying to pay off my bills and I'm working with a budget. So, if I go out with someone I know I want to see again and I invite them to do something, I invite them to do something in my budget...go out for coffee, a homemade dinner, etc.

If she really likes you, she'll be happy doing whatever you suggest or can afford just because it means she gets to spend time with you. ;)