New here and in need of some feedback
 

Ok im new here pretty much, often dont visit I know. But Im usually pretty busy.

Im 18 and in some dilemmas here basically. Im a virgin and have only dated like 3 girls in my past and currently with a great girl now. My problem is basically I am a very confused person right now in my life. Im in no rush to become an ex-virgin, it really doesnt bug me much, but in a weirder note, every girl ive dated has left me within 4 months to go out and lose theirs.

So I guess my question is, is it me? Is this my fault or something? I mean it seems that because Im not hurrying the sex part ( dont get me wrong, i wouldnt mind it, just in no hurry), that they want to leave me. Currently the girl Im with, I fear she's losing intrest in me and getting ready to be my 4th failure.

Im just wondering what I should do if anyone has advice, Id greatly appreciate it.

And btw, I stumbled upon this place by accident one day looking for some online horror stories lol. But I found this is an alright place here and look foward to talking to whomever wishes to.

Re: New here and in need of some feedback
 

If what you're chasing and what they're seeking are not the
same, expect them to drift away.

If they are at the age where being perceived as sexually
desirable and desired is important, what you are giving
them is not that.

Until you are ready to join the flurry, expect to be left
on the sidelines.

Well really that isnt the advice I was seeking, no offense but thats sorta unfair to speak. I shouldnt have to subject myself any differently just to keep somebody. Changes are a must, but you cant change everything.

Sanctuary---What OldFart says is exactly right.I have been married for 36yrs. and have two daughters;so I know of;the
need for women;to feel desireable!You don't need to have
intercourse but at least show them;that you have a sexual need
(desire)for them.Face facts.If you don't show a physical attraction
for them,they are going to go elsewhere.You asked for help and
even if it hurts;you have to respect; their feelings; also.This is just
my take on the subject.I am 57 and OldFart is no kid.I think that
between the two of us that we;probably have enough experience
to know what we're talking about. Irish

I never said I didnt make any attempt to make them feel desirable, quite the opposite. We play around and are intimate 24/7 , just no full on action and really she is much like i am, and sort of adament of the whole situation. Taking our time really, my only problem was wondering mainly about the past experiences and as to why they felt the need to leave. It couldnt have been for the reason of no sexual attention, its always been like that, just no real sex is all.

You mention a fear that she is drifting away like the others.

Find out from her what need you're not meeting and work

out if it's within your desire to meet it.

We've all been in situations where our preconceptions have

led to outcomes we didn't want.

If you're not careful, this could be another.

Hi Sanctuary,

I only have a few things to say...DON'T BE IN A RUSH!
And I applaud you for that! Not to many 18 year old "Male"
virgins around. You will do it one day, when you feel ready.
If a girl can't accept that, then she is not the one for you! If the girl really likes you and has a little self respect she will wait along side with you until you are both ready. If they are leaving you to have sex with others than that's fine!!!! Let them be.

Stand you ground Sanctuary...one day it will all be worth it when you are trully in love.............I wish I could have waited until my wedding night.....*Sigh*

OK Sanctuary, here's my take...

First off let me say that I can completely relate to you situation. I am 36 now but when I was 18 I was in your shoes. Dated a few (but not a lot) of women and was still a virgin after graduating from high school. The farthest I'd gone with a woman until that time was 2nd base. It wasn't until I was 19 (or was it 20) that I actually lost my virginity.

Here's the advice (kind of in agreement with Diva): don't rush it. I did and I am sorry to this day. I was drunk, don't remember her name, and never saw her again. Very sad and pathetic. Makes me want to cry sometimes (no shit).

Now I wouldn't go so far as to say wait for your wedding day because I had some mindblowing sex during my single years. You name it, I've tried it: white, black, asian, latino, older, younger, married, single, fat, skinny, threesome, sharing (girlfriends), dominance, submission, and bisexual woman. I was even with another man once but it was not something I'd do again...at least I learned that I am not gay!

One night stands are OK but not for your first few tries. Actually, my second go 'round should have been my first; it was a much more positive and fulfilling experience. Damn how I enjoyed making love to her and she loved it when I was inside of her. Ahhh, fond memories....

In summary, take your time, be choosy, and don't do anything you don't want to do!

Good luck!

rabbit

Thank you all very much for your insights :) I greatly appreciate that very much. I'll take all this advice in to consideration. Once again thank you all :)

feel for you but...
 

Its all like this. Supply and demand...if you arent supplying it they will go somewhere else. Waiting is great (I did) but sometimes wish I had tried a few more women. Dont be afraid to try a few out before you make a decision. You dont buy a car without driving it! Dont get me wrong Im not comparing cars to women!

At the other end of the spectrum....
 

Well I guess I have a world record. 27 and a virgin. (Guiness book of world horrors?).

Its a long story for me, but Im not ugly, nor stupid, nor fat.

Sanctuary you are alot farther than me in this. But from my experience from the other end. Wait. LoveDiva4u has a point. But I don't think it should be marriage. Wait to you LOVE them (and they you). Then it will be love versus sex, and so much more rememorable.

Also PLEASE talk to your gilfriend about this. It may scare you, but if you both talk about where you stand, and what your fears are it will help streghthen your relationship. If it doesn't than it shows that it wouldn't have worked anyways.

;)

My two cents worth-lol
COMMUNICATION!!!
I(being a sage 54)believe this to be the bottom line.If you truely care for the young lady keep the lines open at all costs.You don't have to change,just learn to adjust.One more little tip learn to listen-not just hear her-but really listen,physically as well as verbally.Body language will tell you the most-so pay attention!
There will be a test later.
dv847

My husband was 27 when we meet and up front about being a virgin and not being in a hurry to lose it. To me that was a big turn on and I was in no hurry to be the one to help him lose it.Just be up front and honest about where you stand if she really cares about you she will understand and be there for you.Don't be in a hurry to give up something as specail as your virginity I was sixteen and to this day wish I would have waited but once you lose there is no going back.

Good luck,
Fungirl

For some reason I feel compelled to chip my nickle's into the fray here.

Sanctuary,

First of all: read the advise given by the others here, its a pretty caring and supportive group, with many good ideas.

I'm gonna share an experience of my own if you dont mind. A few years ago, I was in the Navy, and dating a young lady who was just 18. While I was no longer a virgin..she was. We fooled around, but never had sex. I went off to boot camp and when I was done I went on leave and saw her. One night we were together and she told me that she wanted to loose her virginity. Depsite all my previous sexual frustration, I told her no. I did't want to do this and then leave her behind as I went on a 6 month deployment. I knew that she'd have mentally beat herself up and regretted the decision, probably for the rest of her life.

The decision proved to be a wise one..the distance between us over the next 6 months proved to be too great. We broke things off within 4 months. To this day..I'm glad that I helped her keep her virginity intact. We have remained friends and I found out that she remained a virgin till her wedding night, which was something she desired. I couldn't have lived very well thinking only about getting laid..

My point here is; that it will come, and you will hopefully have fond memories..but also consider the regret if you make the wrong decision.

Sanctuary, I commend you on your decision to wait till you're ready to have sex and know you're with the right person. However I don't see the previous 3 relationships as failures. On the contrary, they were successful in that you related for several months. The girls were just on a different journey. Sex is simple, love is complex. They went the wide easy road and you seek to travel the less used trail. At 18 don't be in a hurry to conclude your search for bliss and settle for just what's there. You have plenty of time. Feel good about your convictions or reconsider. I know, peer pressure and emotions make it difficult at times but you're thinking straight.