Pondering Images
 

OK just for the helluvit I'm wondering. Lately I'm thinking more and more about my image. With long hair and all am I projecting an image that doesn't match who I am? I mean, lots of women seem ok with it but my dance card stays empty. I have tons of female friends who have threatened me if I cut it but the relationship thing just seems stalled in the gate. Ladies, do you think you preform an idea about a guy from his apprearance? I get the idea at times people see me as a wildass but maybe the truth is a disappointment. Does the idea of a 47 year old guy who has hair well past his shoulders project any negative thoughts? Just wondering...

To me it just hints that the man may be less conventional. I think it's the same message people get from me. I'm usually dressed fairly professionally but then they see the nose ring and know I'm not as stuffy as they originally may have suspected.

<---tries to think of every disclaimer she could possibly say before writing further.

BigBear, your location says you're in Georgia. I grew up and spent most of my life in Kentucky in small town about 30 miles from a LARGE city. To me (and this is just ME, with the life experiences and biases that made me who I am)...a southern man with longer hair spells r-e-d-n-e-c-k, whether remotely true or not.

Now, I've always been one to get to know someone before I form an opinion, but it's a sad part of life that a good many people judge the proverbial book by its' cover and rely on first impressions. I can certainly understand and relate to Lilith's point--and have had similar thoughts/experiences as she describes before. I happen to be one of those women who prefers men with dark, slightly wavy, shorter hair. I realize that's because the two men who have been most important in my life have had those characteristics. I do know, though, that there are *many* women who would oooh and aaah over your locks. Don't give up...she's out there somewhere.

I'd try something less drastic first like maybe shaving the moustache?

Hon....If you're happy, then you should accept yourself regardless, and any woman who was worth your time would do the same! But if it's truly bothering you, then...Maybe you should take CGT's advice and do something a little less drastic at first. If you aren't too uncomfortable with that, then go for the hair.

There is a certain stigma in our society that goes with a man having long hair, you know that. You're more likely to be labeled a deviant whether ya are or not (and of course we know you are not). I think it's especially true in the south. It's ultimately up to you! :x:

Ok...for once, i'm not gonna offer an opinion....shush, bigbear!!!....it's only hair....cut it off....see what happens....if it don't improve things and you are happier with long hair....grrrrrowwww it back!!!!

A change is as good as a holiday. But what you want is what matters. Not what someone else wants you to be. Hey if ya get it cut send it to me. I can always do with a bit more hair!

i am definately one to form an idea based on an image. it's a loose one though, just an impression and it can always change or be refined if i get the chance to know them or even just hear them speak.

but why not? like kathy said---you can always change it back. maybe you're questioning this now because you want a change...to shake things up a bit and see what happens. it's only a look for now but it might even snowball. when people change big things in their lives sometimes other new and wonderful things happen. i don't know why, maybe it's because it can give us more courage to put something out their or question the same old same old cause after doing it once, we see that the world didn't stop spinning it just wobbled on its axis a bit.

I know it's not exactly the same, but I've had very long hair and then cut it all off ... it makes a dramatic statement when you do it, but overall, it doesn't really change any of the other stuff about you and so people quickly adjust and move on .... do what you can be happy with - that will shine through into things you do!

Bigbear I know how you feel, ever since I moved to CA over four years ago I had wondered what was wrong with me as well. Like you I have an unconventional look (long hair and I am Asian, who stereotypically are seen as conservative), and sometimes I wondered if perhaps part of the reason why I have no one in my life was due to my image. But if people pass me by because I have long hair or due to my racial make up or both then...well, their loss :).

But you have to ask yourself first, are you happy with the way you look? If you like your long hair then don't get it cut, simple as that. I know it is hard to be alone (believe me I know...) and doubt and despair can make you think funny things. As others have said, if you truly want to change your look, then do it, but do it for yourself, not for others in the hope that you attract someone with your new look which may not even be who you are.

Big Bear57---Image, unless you're dirty,means nothing.Many years ago,after
closing my motorcycle shop,I went to work for a security Co.I was being put in charge of a large building complex.They summonded me to the office &
told me that I had to trim my hair,take out my stud earring,when working &
shave my beard off.My wife said-You've had that beard for over 20yrs.If you
do all of those things,you're STILL the same person.Physical change does nothing,except disguise you from the people like you.The clientle at the
building complex,looked worse than I,or any of my friends,ever thought of looking! Irish

I say cut it. Your a good looking man and from what I can tell a real sweetheart. Yeah you will be the same person but a new sexy hair cut might just give you a new boost of confidence that will be seen by women.

Besides think of the savings on shampoo and the time saved from combing that long hair out. :D

Well I appreciate your input. Truthfully it isn't one of those keep me awake night preponderances. It's basically just thought I'd discussed with a friend of mine. I'll probably cut it one day. I intend to donate the lot of it when I do but for now... I'm hangin' on to it. I feel that someone somewhere might see who's in here. I don't see it as an issue with others, I try to see people for how they act and treat me instead of outward appearances but wondered what the prevailing thoughts were. Thanks

*grumbles* I had a long message here and then the phone bumped my DSL and it's gone! I'll attempt later when I'm done cursing my phone.

Sweetie ~

Some women do have a thing against long hair. Some women you *might* be interested in dating might have a bias against long hair. ;) But not all women have said bias........but you do take your chances.

For instance, I have a strong bias against facial hair. I've only once been with a man who had it......and I was right. I do HATE beard burn. :D Call me shallow, but his facial hair did limit the number of times I invited him over....I had to give my sensitive skin days to recover after an encounter with him.

Do what makes you comfortable. I think the most important thing about finding the "right" person is being ready -- but not too needy. It'll happen when it's meant to happen. In the meantime, :x: