devestated need help
 

my boyfriend of 4 years has told me he wants to fuckother women.I cant express in words how i feel about this i just want advice on if there are any ways to live with this.I dont neccassarily want to break up with him, and right now due to my position its very hard .Can anyone give me any advice or tell me about there own experiences or how they over came it?

Wow. Since it seems it was shocking to you, I'm guessing it came out of left field?

It would be different if you were talking about open relationships and the topic came up but if he is saying it's what he wants and there's no discussion and you're not comfortable with it, the question is -- will you be able to stay with him?

I know there are Pixies who have had open relationships but it's been a mutual decision.

If it's just one partner making the decision, it may mean that partner is selfish and wants to "spread his wings".

What did you tell him? What was his reaction?

Did he mean bring other women into your relationship, as in having a 3 sum?
Or did he mean other women seperate from you?
How do you feel about either of these?

Decide what you want, what you can handle and then sit him down for a long talk.
Thats my only advice..... talk.

Good Luck!

If he's thinking about an open relationship, how does he feel about you being with other guys while he is off chasing other women?

Maybe he thinks that he is missing something by being in a monogamous relationship?

The best thing is to sit down, talk about it, and figure out why he's reached this decision and what BOTH of you are going to do to with it.

Good luck, and don't hesitate if you need any more advice or support.

Tell him you're gonna fuck other men and get over it. He's not the only fish in the sea darlin and quit putting his ass on a pedestal because he don't deserve it.
Don't EVER put yourself in a position to where you HAVE to have a man to get by and you'll do just fine. :)
I'm sorry these are some harsh words but you need to learn be self sufficient.
Such is life nowadays.

Cowgirl is wise. And damn sexy, but that's another thread. I concur with her opinion on this matter.

I'm sorry girlfriend but after 3 husbands and MANY boyfriends this is exactly why I hide my heart. They are gonna have to SHOW ME.

The best thing is to talk talk talk talk talk talk if he wants and open relationship and you want that as well then you need to make sure that the comunications between you to are working. With open relationships you have to trust your partner to follow the rules that both of you have set forth before hand.

If this is something that you do not want you need to tell him that you do not want it, and if he still wants after you talked about then get rid of him and find some one that will listen to what you want and need.

Just so that you know i was in a open relationship with my last relationship she was the one that wanted it and when i started to partake of the openess of it she got upset. Then i found out that she could not be trusted.

Remember that you and he need to set down and talk about what you all want.

What the fuck about her??????????? What if she doesn't want that?
I say FUCK HIM! It's too late to talk. He didn't give a shit about sitting down and exploring options beforehand now did he? The last thing that needs to happen is for her to lose what dignity she has left and beg him. :rolleyes2

While I could see ending things had he ACTED upon his wishes without consulting her...couldn't he be exploring his options when he tries to discuss this with her????????? I would never presume to rush judgement not knowing the entire situation.

Why did he tell you??? Is he trying to start a discussion about this or is he warning you? To me it's a huge difference.

Perhaps a relationship can be saved by talking first...

not begging, but both sides being clear on what they want.

And then deciding together how to proceed.

Yeah, they should talk it out first. Regardless of the outcome. It could be a misunderstanding: maybe he doesn't know how to express exactly what he wants or needs.

If things do end up that they each go their own separate way, at least they will have "closure", which can help them move on.

Making rash choice is not usually the best method of decision making. Especially without having all the information. They will have a lot more information about the situation than we do, and they should still discuss exactly what will become of their relationship. Find out exactly what he means about sleeping with other women. Perhaps it's experiences that he feels that he is lacking, or, well, who knows. Only he does. And if I_JUNO isn't sure, and she knows him and the situation better than we could ever hope to, how can we be arrogant and try to make decisions for them?

They need to talk. Communication is what will make, or break, a relationship.

[QUOTE=looking4fun]If this is something that you do not want you need to tell him that you do not want it, and if he still wants after you talked about then get rid of him and find some one that will listen to what you want and need.QUOTE]

If she does not want that type of relationship then she needs to get rid of him.

Hey guys I'm just going by her very first sentence. That to me says it all.

Jay's right - communication first. This could've just been something dumb that was said, especially since this lady comes here - guys react weirdly to finding out girls actively enjoy sex. Find out the truth first, THEN kick him up the arse with a spiked boot!