03-20-2007, 06:10 PM
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Registered User
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: midwest
Posts: 637
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Loulabelle
With all due respect, Jude, now you've changed your tune completely! The person you quoted made it clear than extra-marital sex was only permissable in cases where there was a justifiable reason for there not to be sex in the relationship (i.e.illness etc) and that in the case of the person who wanted sex elsewhere just because they weren't getting it at home, they should sort it out or split up, NOT have sex outside of the relationship.
And just for the record, there isn't much sex in our house right now, and that's HIS choice, not mine, so I'm speaking as one of those 'sexually deprived' people, who, in your view would be justified in having sex outside of my marriage.
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Where have I changed my tune? My stance the entire time has been the same. That being that people who say cheating is ALWAYS wrong cannot have it both ways when it comes to the importance of sex. It is either an important aspect of the relationship or it isn't. If it's important then it's important enough to provide on occasion even when you may not feel 100% into it because your partner needs/wants it. If it's not important then you shouldn't feel bad when your partner looks for it else where.
When my wife was pregnant we were unable to have sex. After losing two children her OB told her she wasn't even allowed to have orgasms because of fear of losing another baby. She could have taken care of my needs through oral sex but that seemed to me to be unfair to her since that tends to arouse her and I figured it would be cruel to get her turned on with no way to release. And since she spent the last seven weeks of her pregnancy lying in a hospital bed that led to some logistical problems as well. So I went pretty much the entire seven months of her pregnancy without physical affection from my wife. And from anyone else for that matter.
If she could have taken care of my needs I know she would have, and I know she felt bad for not being able to. As I felt bad for her because she did get horny in that seven months and there were times when she wanted the affection as much or more than I did.
To be honest I thought about cheating and I had offers. But in the end I couldn't and wouldn't hurt my wife in that way.
I wouldn't judge another person in the same situation if they cheated though. That's between them and their partner.
As far as your situation goes where he's perfectly capable of performing but isn't I wouldn't judge or blame either. Again it's not my place.
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