It's a shame. I had a whole host of fucking machines videos on my computer, but I just did a great porn purge a few days ago.

I'm serious. And I don't think it would be too hard to jerry rig one. It's a pretty simple design, though I can't really verify their safety or comfort.

But maybe it's something I can put on my resume:

2008 Houston, TX
Got tired of making beer, designed and built a mechanical dildo that plugs into a 220 socket. Patent Pending.

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Well sir that seems to be someone else's problem.