A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I
quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was
standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3
hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself,
"They've lost the plot".

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could
check her balance, so I pushed her over.

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our
local pet shop and they were $70. "Bugger this", I thought, "I can get one
cheaper off the web".

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an tow truck parked up. The driver was
sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself "That
guy's heading for a breakdown".

__________________
Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating