so I’m making room in the linen closet for the crib sheets and those mini towels with the built-in hoods, and even though I’m ready for another child to love and guide (…I can’t wait really), it suddenly hits me: I’m scared. not because we’re going to have another child but because I’m going to “have” a baby. our daughter was born via c-section, and an emergency one at that, so I never did experience the “real thing” and I’ve got to say I feel the strangest contradiction inside; to already have a child and yet not know what to expect. I’ve never felt an intense contraction or had to time them and then wait and wait and wait…. of course I’ve heard from other moms and I’ve asked the doctor all kinds of questions but I still have nothing to compare it with. plus most of my questions are of the personal decision nature, anyway. like…should I take drugs?… I’ll admit the c-section was pretty damn painful (I had an epidural but opted for pain meds after surgery so I could see my daughter and remember. suffice it to say I associate the recovery room in the OR with some brief but very awful pain) but I made it and I think I’d like to be able to feel what’s going on. and also…how bad is the pain, anyway? how long will my labor be? and the big one… how will I feel after? will I want to hold him or sleep or cry or rant or…or WHAT? I didn’t have any choices the first time around. I was in recovery while our baby was taken away to be washed and weighted and all that jazz and I missed it. by the time I saw her I was too drugged to do anything but touch her while my husband held her in the football hold like he’d been carrying babies around since he was 10. and that is the extent of my memories of our first day in the hospital. I feel unprepared and I don’t like feeling unprepared. :dizzy:

< ----thanks you for listening