Oh Joys, wish I could just sit there with you and let you not be so alone right now....that's what I hear most in your voice......and being alone even in a crowded room or even in a home filled with people makes those demons 'tween yer ears twice as loud......keep seeking help....if it takes going thru a 1000 dr's to find the right one, do it!!!!....things will get better....
and no, i'm not a sappy, ever-cheerful optomist.....hell, perky sees me coming and runs the other way...... all i'm saying is try to hang in....give disappointment a good swift kick in the ass, if you need to.....don't stop tying to find the help you so obviously know you need......we do care, we just can't fix it.....even when we either wear or have worn the same shoes....
and as for the medication not being a fix-all....that's true enough but if aspirin makes my headaches go away until the underlying cause is found and fixed, then me and bayer are ass-hole buddies till that cause is found and fixed......

I wish you peace and many moments of clarity in the fog....it ain't an easy place to live.