last night we talked again about this matter and i dug a little deeper into why she feels uncomfortable being on top or taking the lead in sex. in her words she said that when she is on top or tries to take the lead she feels unsure of herself, awkward, and ugly. i asked her to tell me what i can do to help her, reassure her, or make her feel differently.

i think part of the problem is that after 10 years of marriage to a 5 minute specialist who did not care what she wanted or whether she enjoyed anything, and who cheated on her and basically dated the last year or so of their marriage - she deep down inside doesnt feel attractive or is at least unsure about that. when i focus on giving to her - she feels desired. but when she takes the lead she is unsure of her own attractiveness.

i do not know what to do above what i already do, which is reassure her, be extreamly affectionate - in unexpected places, for no reason, with no justification, and with no expectation of anything. i try to hold her, kiss her, talk to her, reassure her, compliment her, etc... so i think i am at least on the right track with that, i just dont know how to completely get inside her and help her to see what i see in her. any ideas?