OK.

My understanding of the difference between repression and oppression is that the former tries to stop something happening through the pressure of morality and the latter through a legal structure. Historically both have happened. Actually in the UK now there is a movement against the financial oppression that divorced fathers face. I am no more going to go on a guilt trip about historical oppression and repression of women than I am for the slave trade. I learn about these things in History with a view to their hopefully never happening again and certainly not with my support.

My personal opinion on marriage is that many people suffer from getting married too soon. They neither understand themselves nor the personal responsibility that goes with the committment. If you are lucky you can get to know yourself within the marriage.

Please do not think that my personal opinion and experience is a direct criticism of your lifestyle. If your own experience of marriage was an unmitigated disaster because you chose the wrong person at the wrong time and at a time when you hadn't realised that it just wasn't for you, fair enough, but your experience is still one experience as mine is.

I was probably more immature than my wife when we married, but we had both pretty much explored our sexuality enough to know that we were compatible. I have since learned the responsibility of fatherhood and the type of family environment that I see my kids wanting.

If you are fortunate enough to have satisfied these obligations within your marriage and the kids are secure, then I totally respect a decision that you can begin to put yourself first again. What I don't like is people (men and women) who put themselves first before they have fulfilled the obligations that they made when committing to a marriage, unless of course both parties went into the committment with the shared objective of having an open relationship.

For me marriage as contracted by the state is a specific relationship. People are free to make any number of lifestyle choices about how they live their lives and with whom, but perhaps we should find some different terms to describe these relationships then we wouldn't spit at each other so much.

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Vigil, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.

Madam, if you were my wife, I would take it.