TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND (WIFE)
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
~54 times the sheets were clean
~7 times it was too late
~49 times you were too tired
~20 times it was too hot
~15 times you pretended to be asleep
~22 times you had a headache
~17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
~16 times you said you were too sore
~12 times it was the wrong time of the month
~19 times you had to get up early
~9 times you said weren't in the mood
~7 times you were sunburned
~6 times you were watching the late show
~5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
~3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
~9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed,the activity was not satisfactory
because:
~6 times you just laid there
~8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceilin
~4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
~7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
~1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND (HUSBAND):
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons
you didn't get more than you did:
~5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
~36 times you did not come home at all
~21 times you didn't cum
~33 times you came too soon
~19 times you went soft before you got in
~38 times you worked too late
~10 times you got cramps in your toes
~29 times you had to get up early to play golf
~2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in THE BALLS
~4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
~3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
~2 times you had a splinter in your finger
~20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
~6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
~98 times you were too busy watching football,baseball,playing
video games etc. on TV.

Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said
was,"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

__________________
_______________________
*Diva*



"Never shall I forget the time I spent with you. Please
continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours."
Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827)

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."