(This has nothing to do with this thread but the post from DB made me think of it.

I had an Uncle who would watch for a bird to fly over my Aunt's (his wives) head. When the bird was right over head he'd clap his hands together. Just once, a loud clap. The bird would poop right on Aunt's head! Poor Aunt Belle, she got it every time.

I have only tried it twice, but both times it worked. Not on Aunt Belle, since she's passed away long ago.)