To begin with, Sophie's decision not to see Justin again
gave her a warm sense of vengeful satisfaction. After all,
if she was such an embarrassment to him and his prissy
girlfriend, why should she waste her time? She didn't
return Justin's calls and the one time he spoke to her on
the phone she made a feeble excuse as to why they
couldn't meet.

Despite herself, however, it was with increasing fondness
that she remembered Justin and their innocent nights out
at the cinema and the pub. She rather missed his
friendship.

It wasn't as if she had no active social life without him. A
girl like her could fill every minute of every day with
some kind of fun. She somehow missed those innocent
goodbye kisses where there was no expectation that her
vagina or anus should take more punishment in addition
to what it had already received as part of her normal
working day. It didn't matter if she was socialising with a
man, a woman, several men or mixed company, the
evenings always ended the same way. A few lines, a few
spliffs, perhaps something stronger, and, when
sufficiently relaxed, on the bed, on the fireside rug, in the
kitchen, penis, dildo, fist or fingers thrusting in her
orifices. And then the familiar scent of semen, vaginal
juice or urine, dripping down her thighs, her face or her
breasts. In many ways so rewarding, but also curiously
empty and predictable. Here was the love and affection
she craved, but where was the companionship and
friendship she also needed?

It was during a shoot for Bang Busters Volume Four that
she exhausted the final crumb of satisfaction she'd got
from terminating her friendship with Justin. She'd already
spent an hour or so on the film set, in which time she'd
fellated two men and had both of them ejaculate onto her
face, along with a third man who'd previously been
fucking Lara. Perhaps it was the sour taste of semen.
Perhaps it was the slightly fetid taste of raw genitalia.
Perhaps it was the soreness in her anus that was much
more pronounced after being fucked face-on while sitting
on her co-star's lap. It couldn't have helped that at the
same time her mouth was gobbling an erect penis and her
hand was pumping a third penis.

Then suddenly she lost all heart for it.

She wasn't sure whether the film director noticed this
sudden collapse of enthusiasm, but it was obvious Doug
did, as he thrust into her from below. And Michael
hastened his ejaculation as he also detected Sophie's
waning excitement.

But when Sophie unexpectedly burst into tears and
awkwardly disengaged herself from the amorous
company with whom she shared the film set, it was clear
to everyone that something had snapped.

Sophie staggered over to the sofa where, only moments
ago, Julia had been fucked by Doug and Angelo. The
camera trailed her, perhaps uncertain whether Sophie's
tears were worth recording, but the director was more
sensitive and bade the filming stop.

"What's wrong, Sophie?" he asked her, putting a
comforting arm around Sophie's bare shoulders, which
heaved with her sobs.

"I don't know!" she wailed. "I don't know! I just sorta lost
it!"

"You're not the only one who's lost it!" moaned Doug, as
he stroked his shrivelling, but still glistening, penis.

"Come on, Sophie," cajoled the director. "We've got
everyone in place. It'd be a shame not to finish the scene."

Sophie looked over at her three male co-stars who were
tugging and pulling at their semi-erect penises in the hope
of them retaining something of their past glory. They
smiled at her, clearly eager to resume their amatory
activity from where it had been interrupted. Michael, with
whom Sophie had spent the previous night, waved at her
with the fingers of his right hand.

"I'm not sure I can," Sophie moaned. "It's not like me!
I've lost it! I'm just not enjoying it!"

"Well, you don't have to enjoy it to finish the scene,
love," the director continued. "I won't be able to pay you
full whack otherwise."

"I know. I know," Sophie moaned. "Can't you edit it a
bit? Use more of Lara and Julia and less of me?"

"Yes, of course we can, love. But that means we'll pay
more to Lara and Julia and less to you. Do you want
that?"

Sophie hesitated. She'd always told herself that she only
ever did it for the money. Each filmed action, often
identical ones to those she'd do for free with the same co-
stars away from the camera, was worth money. It was
foolish not to perform when just a little bit of anal or
urine made such dramatic differences to her pay packet,
and took such little time to film. But the very thought of
putting Michael's penis back into her mouth, where the
taste on her tongue was still so vivid, was enough to
make Sophie retch. Her chest heaved involuntarily,
shaking her well-proportioned breasts, while a dribble of
creamy sperm regurgitated into the back of her throat.

Sophie coughed.

"Are you feeling OK?" the director asked. "Are you
well?"

"I had my check-up last week," said Sophie
automatically, before recognizing that the query was
occasioned by her current discomfort. "Yeah. Yeah. I'm
fine. I guess I'll just have to forget the bonus, won't I?"

"'Fraid so, love," said the director sadly. "If we paid it
you whatever happened, it wouldn't be worth anything,
would it? 'Course we could make it up for you if you join
Lara with the woodmen in the afternoon shoot. What do
you think?"

Sophie considered this with a frown. She shook her head.
"No. Can't do it. I'm just not in the mood. The idea's
making me feel a bit sick, actually. It's really weird.
Maybe it's something I ate."

"I didn't know my spunk was as bad as that!" joked
Michael rather sweetly.

Sophie smiled. Michael and Doug were good sorts. It
wasn't them that was the problem. It was something else.
It was something to do with the aching hollowness that
was opening up in her like a void. Something like how
the previous night she couldn't be bothered when George
suggested he join Michael and she to make an amorous
threesome. Instead of agreeing like she normally would,
she simply said that Michael was all the man she needed,
which wasn't strictly true but certainly added extra
passion to his lovemaking.

After leaving the film set, Sophie wandered aimlessly to
the grounds of a nearby church, where she sat on a bench
with a cigarette and her thoughts. What was wrong with
her? Now she was so distant from the sight of cock and
camera, her earlier aversion seemed ridiculous.

She picked up her mobile phone. She needed someone to
speak to. And the person whose saved number she chose
was Justin.

The same Justin, of course, who was now returning from
the bar of the Black Swan carrying three glasses of wine
for Ashley, Sophie and himself. Justin laid out the drinks
and sat down with a grin.

"Isn't it wonderful," said Ashley to Justin, "Sophie getting
into accountancy and everything?"

"It's really quite unexpected," agreed Justin. "We had no
idea what had happened to you. I thought you'd gone to
California where they make most of those porno movies.
You know, where you can be filmed outdoors in the nude
all year long."

Sophie shook her head. "No chance. The weather's
tempting. And the money, too! But I just didn't have the
spirit. And you? What're you doing these days? Still
systems admin?"

"Well, more admin than systems, really," Justin chuckled.
"Promotion to management makes all jobs seem just the
same. But I'm still working for the same firm."

The same firm, in fact, where Justin was working when
Sophie phoned him up on her mobile phone outside the
church.

"Sophie!" he said with surprise on recognising her voice.
"I didn't think I'd ever hear from you again. After that
time with Ash, I thought, well, I don't know what I
thought, but anyway? How are you?"

"Fine. Fine," said Sophie automatically. And then
remembering herself. "Well, actually not fine at all.
D'you wanna meet up this evening?"

"This evening?" Justin wondered. "Well, I told Ash?"

"I'd really like to see you, Justin."

"Oh. All right! But you won't mind, will you, if I don't
tell Ashley. She got real upset that last time. In fact, she
often mentions you. And not in a nice way either, I'm
afraid. And I don't think it's just 'cause you're a porn star
and everything."

"Whatever!" said Sophie. "I just want to talk."

And what Sophie most wanted to talk about, and this
wasn't what she'd expected before she met Justin, was
Ashley.

Justin sat opposite Sophie in the Queen's Head and
nursed his pint in his hands. Sophie was dressed modestly
in sweater and jeans and looked rather less like a porn
star than the barmaid who served them. She puffed away
at her cigarette and drank her vodka and lime rather too
quickly.

"Why all these questions about Ash, Sophie?" Justin
asked. "You only met her the one time. And you didn't
get on that well, either, if you remember. What's the
reason for this?"

Sophie looked down at her manicured nails sadly. "I
dunno. I don't know at all."

"If you're so keen on finding out about Ash, why don't
you speak to her yourself?"

"Do you think she'd want me to?"

"No," said Justin thoughtfully. "I don't think she would at
all. But it might be better than asking me all these
questions."

Sophie nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right there."

And so it was the following evening that Sophie pressed
the buzzer for Ashley's flat in the huge Victorian house in
Fulham. It was obvious even through the crackle of the
intercom speaker that Ashley neither expected nor
welcomed the sound of Sophie's voice.

"What do you want?" Ashley asked, not unreasonably,
when she'd established for sure who it was that was
visiting her.

Sophie wasn't sure what to say. She just somehow wanted
to make it up with Ashley so that she and Justin could
return to the same status of friendship they'd known
before, but that would sound feeble.

"Just to visit, you know. Chat and that. Can I come up?"

"Well, since you're here?" Ashley conceded with a sigh.

Sophie heard the low whine of the door's catch as it was
released. She pushed the heavy door open and headed for
the staircase and Ashley's flat on the second floor. She
knew she was on the right floor, sure enough, as Ashley
was standing outside the door to her flat in a tee-shirt and
shorts, with espadrilles on her bare feet.

"So, this is where you live?" asked Sophie as she
followed Ashley through the open door.

It was a smaller flat than hers. Only one bedroom. The
furniture was more modest and well-worn. The television
and stereo were functional at best and certainly not the
best money could buy. And although the flat had the
homely untidiness of a place where visitors were not
anticipated, it had none of the sheer recklessness with
which Sophie abandoned ashtrays, clothes and bed sheets
in her more luxurious and select apartment.

"It mightn't be much, but the mortgage is crippling!"
Ashley remarked sadly.

She wandered over to an armchair that faced the
television and gestured to Sophie to sit on either the sofa
or the other armchair. Sophie sprawled onto the sofa,
pulling her sandaled feet off the ground. Like Ashley, she
was dressed rather plainly in a tee-shirt and shorts, but
her clothing was designer label and conspicuously
expensive.

"Now you're here, would you like some tea or coffee?"
Ashley asked.

"Coffee. White. Two sugars," said Sophie, as Ashley
retreated into the kitchenette that made up one third of
her living room.

The two women chatted amiably for a few minutes, with
Ashley directing the conversation and Sophie colluding
with her in keeping the topics innocent and unthreatening.
It was just the sort of chat two work colleagues or two
neighbours might have. However, it served its function of
helping the two women relax in each other's company.
Sophie could see that Ashley was slowly revising her
opinion of her as she plied the charm that had served so
well in furthering her career in adult entertainment.
Sophie was more than just a woman who fucked for her
pay cheques.

"I've seen that film with Kevin Spacey, too. I thought it
was crap, though," said Ashley. "I suppose you saw it
with Justin, did you?"

"Yes," Sophie admitted, aware that conversation was
beginning to steer away from more trivial matters.

"Was that before or after I started seeing Justin?" Ashley
asked.

"Before," said Sophie. "I've only seen Justin the once
since I met you that time. And that was to find out where
you live."

"And is it true what Justin said that you and he haven't
ever??"

"Not once."

"You know, I just don't understand that. I mean, him and
me, well, we do it? you know? we do it all the time.
How can someone like you who, you know, who does it
with everyone?how??"

"What don't you understand?"

"I just don't think it's possible."

"What?"

"For you and he to be just friends. It doesn't make sense."

"Why not?"

Ashley sipped at her coffee and crossed and uncrossed
her long bare legs.

"Before I met you," she said, "when Justin mentioned
you, I kind of suspected you were his ex or something. I
mean, it's not unknown for people to be just friends, but it
doesn't usually last for long if they're both, you know, the
opposite sex or sexually compatible or whatever. It's
quite nice for people to be friends and everything, but you
kind of expect that?. But, anyway, I was quite touched
by it. Justin's a fairly straight kind of guy, in both senses.
If anyone could have women friends who were just that,
you know, just friends, well, he'd be the one most
likely?"

"Yes?" Sophie asked, as she glanced at her handbag
where she stored her cigarettes and wondered whether it
would be too rude to light one up.

"So, I thought maybe you'd be a bit like Justin, you know.
Perhaps you were someone not interested in sex with
men. Maybe you were a bit, you know, sexually reserved.
But I didn't expect you to be some kind of sex film
actress. I knew such women existed, but I never expected
to meet one in real life. And it just doesn't make sense.
How can someone whose career is having sex with men
be just friends with my Justin? It's not as if he's not
interested in women or anything."

Ashley looked towards Sophie expectantly, as if
expecting her to have an answer. Sophie was struggling
between her need for the consolation of nicotine and her
uncertainty as to why she was even here. What was she
expecting to achieve? Did she even know why she'd
come all this way to Fulham?

"I guess it's because we were just friends that I've come
all this way to see him," said Sophie. "It's not something
I've got a lot of, you know, friends who're just friends. In
my line of work, there's not a clear dividing line between
sex and friendship. Or between sex for love and sex for
money. It all gets a bit mixed up and screwy. And I guess
what I liked about my friendship with Justin, and I don't
think I really appreciated it as much as I should, is that is
exactly what it was. Friendship. And the fact that he's a
bloke and I'm a woman is sort of not the issue in my
circles. It'd be almost the same if he'd been a woman, you
know. After a while, you get so used to having sex with
different people you sort of don't think about people in
any other way."

Ashley frowned. She looked compassionately at Sophie's
shaking hands. "Is there anything wrong?"

"Nothing a ciggie wouldn't help," Sophie said.

"I've got an ashtray. I don't smoke myself. Well, not
cigarettes, but sometimes, Justin and me, we share a
spliff."

Ashley got up, opened the window even wider than it
already was and placed an ashtray on the glass-topped
table in front of the sofa. Sophie felt much calmer with
the first infusion of nicotine and blew out a cloud of blue-
grey smoke while flicking the end of the cigarette in the
ashtray.

Ashley sat on the sofa next to Sophie and leaned forward,
resting her elbows on her knees.

"I'm not a prude, Sophie," said Ashley. "At least I hope
I'm not. People have to make a living and some people
make a living from the sex industry. It's a livelihood and I
guess people choose the career they're best suited to.
You've made your career by starring in sex films. I guess
you must be very good at it, you know, having sex with
different men?"

"?and women," Sophie reminded her.

"?and women," Ashley conceded. "But I still don't really
understand this thing about just being friends with
someone. I mean, I'm friends with Justin as well as being
his? as well, you know? It's not like it's incompatible,
friendship and sex, you know."

"Not incompatible so much," admitted Sophie, "but it's
different for you. All your friends are just friends and
nothing else except for Justin, whereas for me only one of
my friends was just a friend?"

"And you miss that?" asked Ashley.

Sophie puffed at her cigarette again. She didn't actually
want to say yes, (that would sound soft), but she nodded
her head.

"And is that why you were so, you know, so rude when
we met in the pub?"

"What d'you mean?"

"Were you kind of jealous of me for taking Justin away
from you, was that it?"

"Well, I'm not sure I'd say 'jealous' exactly."

"Whatever," Ashley said conciliatorily.

The two women sat silently on the sofa, Sophie puffing
away at the last inch of her cigarette and Ashley
massaging her forehead agitatedly.

At last, Ashley lifted her head up.

"So, Sophie, is the only reason you came to see me
because you want to make it up with Justin and be just
friends again? That doesn't really make much sense. Why
d'you bother seeing me, alone, like this? Is something
else bothering you?"

Sophie stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray and
pushed it forward an inch or so. She turned her head
round and looked Ashley in the face. What should she
say? What was bothering her? She decided to mention the
time she'd lost her enthusiasm for sex at work and just
couldn't carry on, when suddenly the whole exercise
seemed repulsive to her, and how it still remained
repulsive. She spoke to Ashley, because she knew no one
else, no one anywhere, who she could talk to about how
she had somehow lost the stomach and inclination to have
sex under the gaze of a film camera.

"Well, there is something else?" she began, thinking that
she'd somehow be able to say all she wanted to in a few
sentences.

But she was wrong. She was still talking an hour later,
Ashley only interjecting occasionally, as Sophie
described her life in the adult industry. She described the
film shoots where she'd drunk urine. The occasions she'd
fellated more than a dozen men who then proceeded, one
by one, to ejaculate over her face. The dildos that had
penetrated her anus. The strap-ons she'd used to inflict
similar punishment on both female and male co-stars. The
often wilder group sex she'd had with her co-stars off
camera and the pot pourri of drugs she enjoyed in their
company. And as she described and enumerated these
occasions, she wasn't sure whether she was boasting, to
say to Ashley, look what I've done, wouldn't you like to
have the same problems as me?

Sophie looked up, her eyes streaming with a thin trickle
of tears just as a similarly thin sliver of snot trailed out of
her nose. Ashley had a confused expression on her face,
as she supported Sophie with an arm around the shoulders
and held ready a paper tissue in her free hand. Her eyes
burned with a strange excitement, while her face also
expressed compassion and something that was neither
envy nor pity, but an unsettled mixture of the two.

Ashley was quite pretty really. Not porno-pretty, but
pretty in a kind of normal, non-porno way. She had bright
brown eyes, which sparkled quite endearingly now she'd
taken off her glasses. She had a broad face that filled out
like hamster-cheeks when she smiled. She had lips that
were naturally thick, with no collagen enhancement, and
her tongue licked across the top of her teeth seductively
as she moistened her lips.

So, it was quite natural for Sophie to return Ashley's
friendly supportive arm with a friendly cuddle of her
own. Just as it was natural for Sophie to place a hand on
Ashley's bare knee and to pull her face towards hers. And
just as it was in the normal and expected course of things
for Sophie's open mouth to lock against Ashley's and for
the two of them to join tongues and lips in passionate
kissing. And, as the rhythm of Sophie's sobs were
replaced by a rhythm of a different kind as her passion
built up, there was nothing unnatural at all as both she
and Ashley divested one another of their clothes and gave
each other much more vigorous and erotic comfort.

Sophie had made love to women many times in her life,
and for her Ashley wasn't very special. She was clearly
uncertain and gauche with regards to making love with
another woman, although it also excited her much more
than it upset her. But Ashley wasn't the first woman
Sophie had introduced to Sapphic love. She'd even done
so on a film set, which must surely be the least romantic
place imaginable for this to happen. Nor was Ashley
especially accomplished as a lover. Practice in sex,
especially with those who were themselves well-
practiced, could never be matched by enthusiasm,
however great. And Ashley's enthusiasm was certainly
considerable, although more was expressed through her
excited eyes than by anything she said.

"I didn't believe that making love with a woman could
be as rough and physical as this!" exclaimed Ashley at
last, as she lay on her back with Sophie's teeth still
nibbling her clitoris.

Sophie could only nod.

There was much that Ashley could learn about sex with
women, and it was obvious that she wanted to find out
more, but Sophie decided that whoever it was who would
be her future teacher and guide in the ways of lesbian
love, it wasn't going to be her.

As they lay on Ashley's double bed, the moonlight
shining through the thin cotton curtains, Sophie swore
softly to herself. Shit! Whatever it was that she'd intended
to achieve when she decided to meet Ashley it hadn't
been this. Again, just as she always did, she'd let sex
determine how she behaved. She was incorrigible and
there was no hope for her.

She looked at Ashley's naked body nestled against her,
the lips curled in contented sleep and a slight bruise just
coming up on the inside of her left thigh. Ashley was a
dear, and in the normal course of events Sophie could
imagine seeing her again. But Sophie had no need for
more lovers in her life.

That wasn't what she wanted.

So it was then that she decided to change her career. At
the time she had no idea that this meant enrolling for a
course in accountancy. In fact, her thoughts focused no
further than moving to a smaller cheaper flat so she could
survive for a while before she found a new direction for
her life. She knew she'd have to break loose from her
friends and acquaintances otherwise she'd just be dragged
back into making sex films, and this was what she
decided she didn't want to do.

And now, several years later, here she was, every link
with her previous life severed. She'd successfully made
the change. At first, she still saw some of her old friends
in the porn industry for the companionship they offered,
both sexual and otherwise. She even occasionally
relented and let herself be filmed in a porno, but she did
so reluctantly and only for the money that was so easily
earned. And she did see more of Ashley and Justin. She
even agreed to collude in Ashley's game of deceit, which
was to never tell Justin just how affectionate the two
women had been that evening. But the deceit wearied her,
so when she rented the flat in Wood Green she used that
as an excuse never to make the trek across to South West
London. In any case, it troubled her that on the one hand
the couple was talking about marriage, whilst on the other
Ashley expressed in the odd thoughtful smile or overlong
stare that she still hoped for a reprise of their evening
together.

"It's so weird seeing you again!" exclaimed Justin,
shaking his head as if this might throw off his incredulity.

"Yeah, it is," said Sophie. "And did you get married in
the end? Are you married now?"

"Yes!" said Ashley, holding up her ring finger, which
Sophie had, of course, already noticed was properly
adorned. "We sent you an invite to your old address, but
it must have not got to you."

"And you're getting married too?" Justin asked.

"Yes, I think so," said Sophie. "Malcolm. He works in the
City. It'll be strange committing to someone like this. It
sort of puts a line under everything else."

"It needn't, of course," said Justin.

"It needn't what?"

"Things don't have to stop just because you're married,"
Ashley agreed. "You can be committed to your partner
and still have a fuller sex life than with just one person."

Sophie blinked. What was Ashley saying exactly? "I'm
sorry. I don't quite understand."

Justin smiled. "Of course you do, Sophie. You understand
better than anyone. Ash and you. Ash and me. The only
thing missing was the three of us together. I don't know
what I was thinking about in those days, but since you
and Ash got it together, she always talked about being a
bit more adventurous?"

"Yes," agreed Ashley. "It took a bit of courage at first,
but it's easy for couples to meet other like-minded
couples on the internet. Justin didn't want to at first."

"Yeah," Justin continued, squeezing Ashley's hand. "It's
one thing you and Ash doing it together. I sort of half-
expected it anyway, so I wasn't that surprised when she
told me. It's another to do it regularly. You know, have a
polyamorous lifestyle."

"Polyamorous?" Sophie asked.

"Yeah," said Justin. "You know what it means?"

"Of course," said Sophie. "But you and Ashley, I just
never thought."

"We've been doing it for years now," Ashley said with an
enthusiastic smile. "There are a lot of us. And there's
always space for more!"

"I had no idea you led a lifestyle like that. It's a total
surprise to me!" said Sophie truthfully.

"So," Justin said, leaning forward over the bench,
clasping Ashley's hand tightly in his own, "when we saw
you, we were so excited. Now, we have a much more
open lifestyle, a bit like yours used to be when you made
all those porn videos, it seems a perfect opportunity for us
all to get to know each other again, only this time a lot
better and more intimately."

Sophie looked across the table at Ashley and Justin,
whose faces were expressing hope and anticipation.
Sophie could see behind them the other people in the
patio, people who'd been working in the office all day
and enjoying the evening sun. There came a sudden rush
and thunder of wings as a swan launched itself into the air
along the flowing River Thames.

Sophie smiled. "So, you'd like me to come back with you
so we can have sex together, only the three of us?"

"Yes!" said Ashley. "Please say yes! I've so wanted to
make love to you again after all these years."

"Is this what you want, Justin?" Sophie asked.

"Of course," he said, not a hint of doubt in his voice.
"That's what I should have done all those years ago. I just
don't know what was wrong with me."

"So, what do you say, Sophie?" asked Ashley. "It's only a
short distance to our flat?"

Sophie coughed. She looked at Justin. She looked back at
Ashley. She smiled at them, warmly and affectionately.
Her mind was made up.

"I don't think so," she said at last. "I think I'd much prefer
it if we stayed just friends."