Was walking home from my bar tending job. I knew I had gained weight...but this is what happened...

*Beep Beep* A car was coming up behind me. I got a little flattered by the beep, thinking I still had something worth hooting about, till a guy hung out the window and yelled, "GET AN EXCERCISE BIKE"!

I flipped him so many fingers, I had to start flipping him toes! Geezzzz...if you can't say anything nice......................................

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

I'll help you stay in shape Lixy. You can ride my face for 20 minutes, twice a day.

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It's not anything I've said, because I still have enough sense NOT to say it.

BUT.

I had broken things off with a long time G/F and was still not "over" her, but I started seeing another young lady. When I got out of work one day, I rushed over to see her at her's and I saw she had hickeys all over her neck.

I promptly went to the card store next door, and got her a card with a picture of a walnut being cracked by a hand held nutcracker. Inside it said "bitch, that's you in a nutshell"

I smiled at her when she saw me, and I gave her the card and walked away.

(2 months later, still feeling remorseful, I sought her out and apologized.)

Giddyup

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

I've had a couple of odd, goofy, thoughtless things said but the worst one was: "Not tonight".