Weapons of Math Destruction

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a protractor, a T-square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said, "they desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.

They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determin! ed they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. "I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to dis-integrate us with calculus disregard.

“Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line." President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, 'read my ellipse'". Here is one principle he is uncertain of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks.

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gonna send this to my Math Methods of Instruction prof...cute cute cute!!!

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
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Just what I needed to cheer me up! Thanks PF! LOL!

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Though dreams can be deceiving, like faces are to hearts; they serve for sweet relieving when fantasy and reality lie too far apart.-Fiona Apple

Loved it! I have a few people that would get a kick out of this too!

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A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

The Greek philanderer Isosceles!!

OMGGGGG.....lmfao!

And wasn't GWB eloquent for a change? But...he didn't once mention nucleus (as pronounced by him..."nuculous"...in reference to his pronounciation of "nucular" in contrast to the actual nuclear) in the sum[mary]........hmmmmm?

OK....well it made sense in my head! LOL!

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

I one time heard Shelly Berman comment about the author, Erskine Caldwell ... "I wonder why he writes for living when he could have so much fun just sitting around thinking."

Lixy, why did you make me think of that?