that this Christmas I'm gonna get my Christmas Cards out, decorate more to get in the mood, play the CD I bought of Christmas music and get myself in the Christmas spirit. (even if it kills me) midlife crisis be damned.

Ho Ho Ho!!!





Anything you wanna do this Christmas?

Everything you just mentioned would be a change of pace for me too so I can give those a try. I had a "milestone" class reunion this year and I'm thinking it wouldn't hurt me to maybe get in touch again with some of my old friends around the holidays. It felt good to see them this past summer.

...that I will not feel obligated to "get in touch" or "keep in touch" with people that don't write to me or contact me, except for Christmas with a card and a computer printout of what their family has done for the year. This goes for friends AND immediate/extended family members. They obviously don't want to include me in their lives sooooo...... I've had it and I'm not wasting postage$, phone calls or time on the computer, any more. I just shredded the last of the Thanksgiving cards I was going to mail. The Xmas cards are next.

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Just be yourself. The rest will fall in line.

I have to get through Thanksgiving before I worry about Christmas decorating. ………… BTW-



Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised.

Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:

Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds. As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. ...In a separate room. ...Next door.

Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning:
Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread.

Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance.

Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.
She probably won't be here for Christmas either.

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I'd like ot have a life this Yule.

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On the kinkometer, my kink measures as a sine wave.

OMG that's one of the funniest things I've ever read!!

I *will* get out my XMas cards by December 1st -- but I only plan to send about 30 this year.

I will be done with my Christmas shopping by Wednesday -- if it doesn't go back with me to Ohio on Thursday or get done via mail order, it isn't happening this year.

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

I will pay a lot closer attention to the calendar this season, in a concerted effort to not be late with anything.


Providing, of course, that I can stop laughing at PF's disertation before New Years.

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Though I am different from you,
We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

I have made a commitment to get the Xmas lights up & running by the day after Thanksgiving.

Since I never took them down last year, this should be a vow I can keep...

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

^5


... but it looks like my last 2 items are going to be that mail order.

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I vow to spend more time with my guys doing fun stuff.

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
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