I know both parties to a relationship and now know that one person is cheating. What, if anything, should i say to the non cheating person?

That would be a judgement call requiring me to know a great deal more than the scant details you mention. If it was me, the default answer would be say nothing...anything else may be seen as taking sides, which would be a no-win situation for you in the long run.

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

nothing.
but a word, perhaps, to the cheater.

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Trees give peace to the souls of men * Nora Waln

The forest would be very quiet if no other birds sang than those who sing the best * Henry van Dyke

some fairly sordid tales, rambles, and anecdotes
Hypothetically Speaking * Something More * Cammy Interrupted * An Experimental Vacation * Masked * so..damn..hot * Thank You * My toy, his idea * no.19 Maple Lane * I Have A Surprise For You * Yesterday * In a Quiet Kitchen * help me decide * untitled prose * more untitled prose

That would be the best place to start, if only to let the cheater know s/he's putting you in an awkward position...after all, you may want to able to look the party being cheated on in the eye someday...

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

It's a toughie - saying nothing will look to the innocent party like you've taken the side of the cheater.

I would go to the cheater first and insist that s/he confess/end the affair/end the relationship with the 'cheatee' - if not, you will. Admittedly this may damage your relationship with the cheater, but then what sort of friend allows you to end up in that situation? And do you really want a liar and a cheat as one of your friends in the first place?

I know it sounds harsh, but I come down on the moral side with things like this. The innocent party deserves your loyalty more than the cheater.

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"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

I see NOTHING tough about this one. If I had all the details I believe it would be as much my business as it is yours now. NONE!

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M.y.o.b.

A million factors to take into account, but usually just be there to pick up the pieces.

Bring it to the attention of the "wronged" party and the messenger is likely to be shot.

Bring it to the attention of the infidelitor and you generate all sorts of guilt based feelings, few of them good or constructive.

If you must interfere, do it through so many layers that neither can point at you as the interferee.

It may be with tacit approval, who knows?

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

I have been in this position!A friends wife was cheating with someone else,that was also a friend of mine.Neither side knew that I knew,so rather
than hurt someones feelings,I just minded my own business! Irish

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

Some things are inevitably self revealing. This is one of them.

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Like wondering, "When will this ticking box explode?" No one knows the answer, but I'm sure of one thing: I don't wanna be there when it happens.

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

LOL You are right Zoid, and I know I don't want my hand on either side of it.

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Makes you redefine friend, doesn't it?

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

You might want to have a conversation with the party doing the cheating to make sure that they are not involving you in the way of excuses, i.e., they were with you or over at your place or went someplace with you. Unfortunately, I was unaware that a friend of mine at work was cheating and was telling his spouse that he was hanging out with me after work when in fact I was working overtime on a special project. His wife called me one evening and really layed into me and finally learned the cold hard truth.l

Are they married?

Did you know the cheater or the cheated first?

Does the cheater know you know?

Do you all hang out regularly?

How long have they been in the relationship (if they aren't married)?

Do they live together?

Are you close friends with both...one more than the other...and for how long?



Too many questions to dare to give advice!

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~