Hi all,
Need some advice we have 2 small children but i dont love or fancy my wife anymore she has spend the last 4 yrs devoted to the kidz which is great but now i feel nothing for her at all, its really cracking me up i feel so trapped and the thought of spending the rest of my life like this aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh, i worship my kidz so need to stay.
help anyone been in similar situation , what should i do ???

Welcum to Pixies blueraider! I'm so sorry to learn of your plight and I'm glad that you have come to talk about it! I do know of a reg. Pixie who has been in a similar situation...but I wouldn't want to "out" him here, in case he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I'm hoping he'll read your thread and comment on it for you! There is life after a loveless marriage hun! Hang in there and maybe my friend will be here soon to reply. I'll PM him to call his attention to this thread for you.

In the meantime...look around the place and get aquainted! We're a helpful and friendly (and sexy as hell) bunch! Hope you enjoy the place as much as I know most who come here do!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

The only thing to do is to develop a relationship with the couple next door. I bet they are in the same boring situation as yourself. Suggest a three way with them. Your wife should understand this and perhaps do the same thing with the couple on the other side of your home. You will be able to compare notes and perhaps suggest ideas your beloved has come up with to inhance her own three way incounters. Just a suggestion.

This is a very typical place for young couples to get to. You feel like when she became a mother you lost a lover. If you are attentive, understanding, patient, and willing to work on your marriage...I assure you that your lover can return but it's up to you on whether you think it's worth the investment.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

A marriage is definately work and it can get in a rut at times but it's up to BOTH of you to get somewhat of a spark going again. Not too long ago my husband and I were having problems and it took BOTH of us to realize that we love eachother and wanted to be together so we tried to do things different. I am sure having children would put a kink in OUR time, but there are things you can do together to help out, atleast I hope there is. You should both be happy and you should try being friends too. When you're friends, you can discuss anything. You never know, maybe she's feeling the same way as you are. Welcome to pixies and good luck to you!

__________________
~Tainted Love~

Hi blueraider,

I am the friend that Lixy mentioned and have been exactly where you are now. I stayed and it messed me up a lot.

I would suggest though that the first thing to do is to discuss it with your wife. How you feel unloved and not desired. She may not even know, which was what my ex claimed when I decided that I could stand it no longer.

I would also suggest you both go to marriage counselling and see if you can perhaps find a way to bring back the loving feeling.

Divorce is an ordeal that should be avoided if at all possible. It is hard on the heart, mind and especially the pocket. The ones that really suffer are the kids and they must be pretty young from the sounds of it.

Do everything to make sure that you can honestly say that you have tried first, then look for alternatives. Please feel free to PM me if you want, I will certainly lend you a receptive ear.

Good Luck

(((((((((Grumble)))))))))

Thanks hun! You're such a sweetheart!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

Dear blueraider,

First, consider hard all the feedback you have received from the intelligent, experienced, and caring people here at PP.

Second, I am in a similar situation. Talked about it with my wife, did massive counseling, and we decided to stay and keep working at it daily.

Third, think of love as a verb, not a noun. Love is more aptly defined as actions taken rather than emotions felt. Practice love until you get really good at it. In AA we say, "Fake until you make it." Perform acts of love, and love will blossom.

Fourth, I'm not suggesting this as a solution...well, maybe I am. Hell, I don't know. I am finding that flirting and fantasizing with the beautiful women here on PP helps. I can express my sexuality with them and feel a genuine response of acceptance and just enough to tease to set me ablaze. (If I turn to my wife who wants nothing to do with sex to help put out my fire, well, maybe...?) Mind you, this is all new for me, and I'm not sure where it will lead, but... It's a fun trip right now.

Fifth, loving you man. Ain't midlife just too cool? Hang in there a few more years, things and people change.

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Being human is really a trip.

LarryL~ Any time I see you have posted, I rush to see what you have said. I have not once been disappointed.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Dear Lilith,

You blow my mind babe. Am I allowed to love you? Too late. I already do.

__________________
Being human is really a trip.

That's funny...I do the same thing. He says some pretty amazing stuff, that's for sure. If more people would be so expressive things sure would be a lot better, don't you think? HEY maybe it has something to do with him living in Washington. I know another good one from there.

I hope everyone is doing well and that this will soon pass for ya.

__________________
~Tainted Love~

I'm not sure there's much to add to what's already been said. Only those here at Pixies could put it so well. Don't give up on your marriage until you and your wife have had a chance to make it better together. I agree that love is so much more than an emotion. It really is something you have to work at and nurture every day. As my husband likes to tell me, you don't just have love, you have to make love, too (still sound advice even without the innuendo)



And LarryL...I 3rd the opinions of Lilith and IWM

I can only suggest to you that staying in a loveless marriage for the sake of the children ultimately is no favor to anyone involved. The BEST gift we can give our children is for them to witness REAL love, compassion, and loving interaction between parents. Robbing your children of that will only result in them having relationship issues later in life...

just my opinion... for what it is worth.

Thanx for all you replys still not sure what to do - a couple of things i didnt mention is my wife is 30 im 40 and we have both been married before our sex life was as hot as you could get it, but then the kidz came along , with no chidren from our previous marriages i think she put everything into them, but now i dont feel anything when she wants a kiss or a hugg its like the last 4 yrs has completly drained me of affection for her i have told her how i feel and now she is making a special effort but i feel nothing for her inside.
do i just carry on for kidz or move out ???

blueraider...

You have been honest with her... that is important.. You need to speak with a counselor who practices within marriage therapy... it may be too late to salvage the marriage... but hopefully it isn't too late to salvage a respectful relationship that can help BOTH of you move on seperately while being a joint team in raising the children... outside of marriage... allowing both of you to explore new relationships and possible marriages to others.

It seems to me that the romantic love that you felt for her has changed into a sibling/friendship level.... it is very sad.. but I don't believe it is rare for that to occur.