Ok so me and my wife have been together for over 11 years now! The sex before children was incredible! She was adventurous and wore lots of sexy lingerie. After the first child everything started going down hill...She kept a few of the pounds from the pregnacy, but still felt ok. But now it is four years after the second and she has kept a few more pounds. She doesn't think she is sexy, she won't wear lingeries, and our sex life has gone from 4-5 times a week to maybe once.

I think she is the most beautiful woman in the world! She is so SEXY! I tell her this every day. What can I do to help her feel more beautiful? How can I help her understand that I love her the way she is? I am at a loss! She is only 15 lbs more than when we met in college...and she is so damn sexy...why can't she see that?

Please any advice would be welcome...I just want her to feel good about her self!

Jayman,
She may just be exhausted. Speaking from personal experience, when my children were small there was a lot of time where sex was the very last thing on my mind. After running around after the kids all day, cleaning the house, cooking, all I wanted to do was sleep when I finally got to bed. And if she works outside the home she could even be more exhausted. Just my 2 cents.

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OOPPPS didn't explain that she won't wear the linerie and wants it completely dark in the room when we are having sex cuz she doesnt' want me to see her fat body...

Thanx sugarsprinkles ...I do try to help out...we split the house work and I make dinner 9 times out of ten...but I know she get tired, but I don't think that is it...she jsut doesn't like her body.

Pay attention to and compliment her on all the wonderful things she is and does that have nothing to do with her body. She needs to know she is sexy and wonderful and it has nothing to do with her looks.

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Show her this website I found.

click here


I say that lightly, but I know what you mean. Mrs. WI doesn't think she's sexy, and doesn't know how I can think she is either. But I do. It's a very difficult place to be and I sympathize. All I can say is be sincere with your thoughts and actions. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Hope it helps.

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We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

THANKS LILITH AND WILDIRISH!

The reason I started this thread is cuz I am out of ideas. Yours are very helpful. Thanx again!

My husband said the same things. We have 2 young children and both work outside the home. He has been telling me how great i look since befor I had the kids (I also lost most of the weight the first time, then a little less the second time). He could tell me I looked great and I'd shrug or smile but when another guy would tell me the same thing I felt BEAUTIFUL. The thing that has made me feel more comfortable with myself is I have come to accept that I don't look as bad as I thought, and he finally talked me into posting here, all the compliments are making me feel pretty everyday, if I fall back to a mood, I can reread my posts and feel great from the compliments all over again. It has helped my sex drive and my self confidence. Good Luck!

I too can relate to what your wife is going through with regard to body issues.

I have put on weight since I got with my fiance, and it reached crisis point in May when I hit 210 lbs. Since then I persuaded FussyPucker to join a slimming group with me, since he has a little weight to lose too, and we're doing it together. I've lost 19lbs so far, but still have a way to go.

As far as Fussy is concerned I am beautiful and sexy, but I sure as hell stopped feeling it for a while. What you have to remember is that your wife doesn't just live for what you think of her, what she thinks of herself is more important, and the only person who can change her mind on that is her.

Perhaps you need to talk to her about how she sees her body and then if she decides that she really wants to lose those 15lbs, then you need to SUPPORT her quest to do it. That means being willing to exercise with her, or look after the kids while she goes to the gym, that means not bringing tempting food into the house and cooking things which comply with her eating plan.

Of course I'm not suggesting that you should approach her and say 'You need to go on a diet' but if she feels that the answer to her body image problems is to improve her body, then you must be willing to support her in her efforts to lose the weight.

If she decides she does not want to lose the weight, then I think it's fair to say that the problems in the bedroom run deeper than her body image, in which case, I refer you to Sugarsprinkles comment, and suggest that their might be other factors, such as depression etc which could be contributing to her lack of self esteem and libido.

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Me too



Absolutely, but....she does need to know that you think she's sexy. Not "still sexy even though you've kept on a few pounds from the pregnancy"...but sexy. With love, there's no "sexy even though" or "pretty in spite of". You know? Mrs. WI does not think she's sexy or pretty. I do. We have a difference of opinion. While I recognize her right to think she's not...I take issue when she projects that opinion onto me. That's what I'm addressing here. I can't make her change her self-image...and I won't stand for her trying to change my image of her either.

It's a tough situation to be in. If I prepare a super healthy meal for supper, or suggest a walk on a beautiful night...I run the risk of her thinking I'm doing it because I think she needs to lose weight. Then I'm forced into defending myself by trying to get her to understand that while I think she looks awesome...I understand that she doesn't think that and that I'm only trying to support her. And if I cook what I want, and don't ask her to enjoy a walk with me, then I'm being an enabler. Like I said, it's a tough situation to be in. But you can't get through it if you're not honest with her.

__________________
Though I am different from you,
We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

((((WI)))) ~ You've summed up the entire situation very well. We have the same problems in our home. I often don't feel beautiful...even though Mr. Osuche constantly tells me that I am. And the weight thing is tough. I diet, but if he *tells* me to diet (even if he is only supporting me) I get pissed off.

I suggest you let her find a group of friends to support her and coach her, and stay out of it...........other than telling her she is beautiful Plus, if she starts exercising, the endorphins will kick in.....and she'll feel sexy and horny as heck. I know I do.

Good luck!

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I have a couple of "suggestions" ... first, make sure that you are projecting your feelings about her being beautiful and sexy at various times, not just times when she might be feeling like you are telling her that because you want sex in the VERY near future. Also, if it is determined that she wants to do something about changing her self-image at this time, then ask how she would like you to help, maybe have some suggestions to check with her, but don't do it with any pressure behind it ... just a few thoughts.

Thank you all for you advice! =) My wife is a wonderful woman who has little self esteem. I just hate the fact that society has made it important to be ulta thin! She is always down on herself for her weight and the funny thing is is she is not overweight. I posted this thread to try and get advice on how to deal with that and have gotten great advice! Thank you all. I love her more now than I did when we first got married. She is the whole reason I live and I just want her to be happy and wanted some help in making her that. My first post made it look like I was just mad about the lessening in our sex lifes...but that is not it. I want her to be happy with herself. Thank you all again for your comments!

Me too.



I doubt anyone got that impression. If we had, I know my response would've been different. ha ha

Good luck, and good love.

__________________
Though I am different from you,
We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

Jayman-

Make sure that your actions reinforce her words. Its not enough to say she is beautiful, if you look at another woman walking by when you are out together. Your actions have to back up the words you say. In fact, you might think about not saying it. I say this from personal experience. When I say something along those lines, my wife thinks I have an another motive, and I did. Show her with actions and deeds, a light touch here, a look there, flowers and wine for no reason. Use the actions to build the fire, not the words. Once I shut my mouth and let my fingers do the walking---so to speak---our sex life has increased in frequency. There may be other issues here also, as in hormone levels, libido, etc.... All you can do at this point is show her how you feel. And be honest, but pick and choose your timing. It is ok to sit at the kitchen table and talk about your sex life, but dont do it in the bedroom as you are "making your move" =) And if that doesnt work, thats why God gave you two hands and a digital camera....=P

Good Luck
McJim

First of all, I must state that I have not yet read the replies to your post. So, if my 2 cents relate to any repliers, I apologize in advance and promise to read all of this thread asap.

this is an empathy (excuse me for my grammer and vovabulary):

I have lived together with my wife for more than a year before we got married. In fact, we got married because she was pregnant. Before that, we had a wonderful sex life. She even wanted to try swinging and we both submitted our profiles to some sites. We used to have sex 2-3 times a day at least not mentioning a day of 6 LOL.

We used to look at adult sites, including pixies but did not join much, but I believe that her reaction would be much different if I posted my pictures here that time.

When she got pregnant and after we married:
she resigned from fantasies (swinging)
she put on weight but thats not so important.
she began asking questions of whom I talk with
she became jealous of a ex-girlfriend 2000 miles away

and now, our child is 5 years old and nothing has changed