> Subject: Fw: Steven Wright classic lines
>
>
> >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the
guy
> who
> > > once
> > > > said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been
> stolen...and
> > > > replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently
than
> we
> > > do -
> > > > to our amazement and amusement Here are some more of his gems,
some
> you
> > > may
> > > > have heard, but always funny!
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
> > > >
> > > > Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
> > > >
> > > > Half the people you know are below average.
> > > >
> > > > 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
> > > >
> > > > 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
> > > >
> > > > A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so
> good.
> > > >
> > > > A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
> > > >
> > > > If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
> > > >
> > > > All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
> > > >
> > > > The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets
the
> > > cheese.
> > > >
> > > > I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we
> met.
> > > >
> > > > OK, so what's the speed of dark?
> > > >
> > > > How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
> > > >
> > > > If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
> overlooked
> > > > something.
> > > >
> > > > Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
> > > >
> > > > When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
> > > >
> > > > Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be
> lazy.
> > > >
> > > > Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
> > > >
> > > > I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
> > > >
> > > > If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
> > > >
> > > > Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
engines.
> > > >
> > > > What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
> > > >
> > > > My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I
made
> your
> > > > horn louder."
> > > >
> > > > Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
> > > >
> > > > If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you
> tried.
> > > >
> > > > A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
> > > >
> > > > Experience is something you don't get until just after you
need
> it.
> > > >
> > > > The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of
> the
> > > > bread.
> > > >
> > > > To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from
> many is
> > > > research.
> > > >
> > > > The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
> > > >
> > > > The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to
catch
> up.
> > > >
> > > > The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required
> to be
> > > on
> > > > it.

__________________
Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

Steven Wright was one of my favorite comedians,perhaps because of his "dry"
sense of humor & quick wit!I never see him on anything lately.My uncle just sent me this & I thought that you guys might appreciate it! Irish

__________________
Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

He also claimed to be a periphreal visionary...he could see into the future, but only off to one side...

__________________
Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

Once, he accidently put his car key into his house lock and it started up...so he drove it around the block a few times!

I love his humor!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

The comedians that makes us think are really getting the last laugh.

__________________

What the hell did I just say.

__________________

"If you go the speed of light in your car and turn on the headlights, what happens?"