I'm a sad case and am seeking the advice of the knowledgeable folks here at Pixies. Here's my facts:

*30 something
*single
*never been kissed
*only been on one very sad date
*never been courted

I'm ready to change as much about this as I can. But as you can see I'm not even a rookie, I'm a novice just learning how to crawl in this thing called relationships, dating, companionship, flirting, and sex.

I'm not sure how I reached this point in my life without having been dated, kissed, etc. It doesn't help that I'm quite shy about meeting people. I think that's probably the first hurdle for me to overcome.

But, I'm all ears, Pixies. Hit me with any and all advice you have regarding how to get into the dating arena for the first time ever.

I'm sure you have questions and I'm happy to answer them, so hit me with those too.

Thanks in advance,
NBK

Hi NBK... welcome to Pixies.

Definitely, shake off the shyness... that is going to make it really hard to get to know anyone.

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One problem is that old habits are hard to break. You've managed to somehow avoid the dating scene and the intimacies and lack there of that go along with it. I would suggest that you find one friend or co-worker who has a similar plight (they are out there) or is done with marriage #1 who needs to get back on the horse, the two of you need to go to all the places you hear about. Yes clubs. Yes the coffee houses. Yes the bookstores. How will anyone know you are on the market if you don't show up for the sale? I say exposure exposure exposure and let the rest naturally fall into place.

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Big hugs to you. I would suggest you focus on being open to meeting new people. Today between the various online options, your friends, and public places I would hope you can expand your circle of friends. Over time this is likely to lead to an introduction to a single guy...

Be open and fun and i bet someone will recognize those qualities. Good luck to you.

Welcome to our corner of the world NBK.

Your described situation is a little different than the norm asked here and you did invite questions, so I'd like to ask a couple. I am curious how you came to Pixies? I don't know how long you've been looking in on us and I can only hope it's been for a while. If so, you already know there are a lot of super nice adults here (I'll be here too) that will openly share, without glitz or cause, and you'll get a variety of prospectives of some life experiences.

Accepting that you have not been a social butterfly, may I ask what has kept you occupied up to this point? It may help to tell us some general information about your location without giving specific details. What you may want to do will be different if you have been studying sand dune shifting for 15 years in the Goby desert, than it would be if you are a toll booth attendant on the George Washington bridge.

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if i were you, i'd think about why i am so gun shy first. when you can figure that out, and overcome it, then go forth and engage.

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Trees give peace to the souls of men * Nora Waln

The forest would be very quiet if no other birds sang than those who sing the best * Henry van Dyke

some fairly sordid tales, rambles, and anecdotes
Hypothetically Speaking * Something More * Cammy Interrupted * An Experimental Vacation * Masked * so..damn..hot * Thank You * My toy, his idea * no.19 Maple Lane * I Have A Surprise For You * Yesterday * In a Quiet Kitchen * help me decide * untitled prose * more untitled prose

Listen to these ^^ guys. They have good ideas.

I think you need to be comfortable with *you.* No level of dating will make sense until you (1) know what you want, (2) are ready to take risks. IMO, risk taking can only happen when you have self confidence that will support you when the risks you take have different results than you planned. Not bad, just different.

If you're ready to begin a search, my only advice is not to expect results overnight. Aim to develop new friends and have great new experiences. Finding someone to date is icing on the cake.

How? Join a new club, get active in your church, go to a "speed dating" event, post a profile online. Lots of ways -- and using more than one method is always good.

I wish you luck and love!

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney