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close, but...
This list so needs work.
Some of the them are exactly right, for me. Some others, not so much.
Let's be honest, individual tastes vary.
(Wanda Kitty steps on her soapbox, and makes sure her claws are in)
And I think some are just wrong. If I ignore it, I agree with it, or have nothing to add.
So... let's look at them from what might be my unique perspective.
And by the way, this includes hints for women making love to other women. We do not, despite what the porn stories say, automatically know what other women like. "All cats are NOT grey after midnight"
In some of my sexual encounters, there is no kissing. That's me and my life. If I want to be kissed, you'll know, but no harm in trying. Just don't push it, I BITE!
Blowing in my ear? Who ever thought that is sexy? It just makes loud noises, and feels funny, sometimes makes me feel like I need to pee. Not a turn on for me at all. However, put a tongue in my ear at just the right time and I'll have an orgasm. Or nibble an earlobe. (The right time? Just pay attention dammit!)
Not shaving. Maybe "general grooming" is a better point. I like men to be clean, take care of themselves. A dirty smelly man, who wears dirty clothes from the hamper is a big turn off, and probably has a dirty smelly cock too. And for God's sake, MANNERS are not old fashioned!
My boobs? Nipping, not biting, and WAIT UNTIL I AM READY for it. Once I am all worked up, close to orgasm, biting may be all I will really react to. But you have to work up to it. DON'T TUNE THE DAMN RADIO. (twisting nipples) to start things, and maybe never. It depends, and 'll tell you. Light palming, teasing, mixed with kissing, licking, progressing to DEEP sucking is the best way to start. A little squeezing, more a light, pleasant massage yes, but I have had men (and women) leave bruises.
Other parts of my body? YES!!! My whole body responds to touch, especially neck, my shoulders and chest ABOVE my boobs, my hands, (lick my palm lightly while we're fucking and hang on!), my tummy, especially kisses, and tonguing inside my belly button. My thighs, BEHIND my knees, my calves and my FEET. Though you don't have to suck my toes. Sometimes it just feels silly, and it makes me giggle. A biggie is my ass and my back. I LOVE to be massaged, before, DURING, and after sex. Want to hear a nice low moan? LIGHTLY run your NEATLY TRIMMED nails up and down, from my shoulders, down my back, across my ass and down my legs. (I am getting turned on writing this). Do it right, and in a "timely" way, and I'll change your view of the world, I promise!
Hand trapped? Sometimes I am doing the trapping. (smile) But try not to fumble. The anxious young man who is so turned on he fumbles everything is only so charming. Learn how to carefully remove panties, hose, even garters and belts, and how to work a bra. (Look, I almost never wear a bra or even panties on a date, but knowing how women's clothes work goes a really long way with us. Ruining a 500$ Dior, (yes, I buy discounted) or Gucci because you were "so turned on" limits your chances for further dates, believe me.)
"Cumming too soon." It happens, and frankly making a man cum very quickly is a little bit of a compliment for me. I view it as a beginning, not the end. If you're smart, you'll realize this. BUT! It helps to keep my "motor running". Making sure I have a few little "firecracker" orgasms, or even a really "big" one keeps me interested. Remember, with women, (with few exceptions) our first orgasm is just that, the first, as in the beginning.
Take a break? If I am "running hot" as one date said, DON"T FUCKING LEAVE THE BED. I might get really upset get dressed and go away. If you are that insensitive, I won't want to stay. If we are in bed together, we're going to be there a while. So yes, sometimes a break is timely and appropriate. Food, water (Room Service!), stretching, potty breaks, all good. Answer your cellphone and I'm going to bite something. Promise.
Condoms? HA!
First, (assuming there was intercourse, some things do not involve a condom), it was probably mine. I select and buy very good quality condoms and make sure they are fresh and intact. (remember, a pinhole in the wrapper can ruin them, even if the condom isn't punctured) and prefer to use them, and not worry about the chance you bought cheap ones from a restroom vending machine, (do they still do that?) or it's your "emergency condom" kept in your wallet, glove compartment, briefcase or pocket for 5 years. Some things, (use you imagination) require double condoms. I always have more than one on a date.
I control this, and ALWAYS check for leaks afterwards. Want to impress me? Take it off, check it for leaks, show me, and then neatly dispose of the condom. But it is MY responsibility, my health and safety. PERIOD.
Clothes (yours)- Well, sometimes there is no undressing. Just unzipping.
BUT! Men, stand up, look in the mirror, and look at yourself with a new eye. Look at yourself wearing just shirt, sox, and drawers. Look sexy? We don't think so either. (If I have an emotional bond to that man, yes it is sexy, but the rest of the time? No.) First, white briefs look really bad on most men. The boxer briefs are an improvement, and NOT just for gays.
(Think. They noticed they looked UNSEXY, and did something.)
Never, ever, ever walk around or even be seen wearing just sox. Please.
"Did you cum?" No one has ever asked me that except as a joke. But that's me. I know women who seem to take pride in not displaying any sign of orgasm. Even lesbians can be a little suppressed. Sometimes it is a control issue. As a Nurse and Sex Educator, I know what the physical signs are, so I have no need to ask. Not everyone knows. If he can't tell, then a) he needs to learn the physical signs of a woman's orgasm, the flush, the change in the clitoris, the breathing. b) or better yet, take charge, and MAKE SURE HE KNOWS. Tell him. If you are not a woman who has squealing (or screaming) orgasms, maybe take a deep breath and say something. "I'm cumming!" is always a hit with your partner. Or a more low key simple, "Oh yes, that was nice!" at a minimum (if it was nice).
Sisters, it is a truism; not all of us feel comfortable letting go. But that isn't our partner's fault. And if (s)he was worked hard for your pleasure, let them know they succeeded.
My pussy. (vagina, hoo hoo, cunt, whatever) and my clitoris.
Making love, or for that matter just having sex, is so much more than that. Learn how to do it. Sometimes tender and slow, sometimes like a howling banshee. I'll let you know, I promise.
Pretty much the only time I like "hard, machine like pounding" is during a quickie, but there are exceptions. (groups, gang-bangs, and so one. At the beginning I said this was about MY point of view. Get over it.)
Not cumming soon enough. I get raw. We can change things, positions, activity, whatever, to make it happen faster, but relentless pounding sounded sexier than it was when it happened to me.
Gentle oral sex? Just listen to what I say, and all will be well.
"Nudging my head down" *sigh* Men, please. Are you so inhibited that you can't ask a woman "Please go down on me" "Suck me, please" Or if she's a new partner try "I really like oral sex, giving AND receiving, what about you?" (note any hints here?, Words like "please" are nice) She'll get the hint, believe me. ALso, sometimes, when I am working my way around a body, my partner might not be able to say the words, (lots of moans and gasps here), and a little nudge is a OK, to let me know what feels good. Just don't PUSH. Remember, kitties BITE!
Warning me before you cum? Goodness, how can I not know? Well, some men are a little inhibited, but if you're in my mouth, I am almost never surprised, there are some things that I can often feel, plus your breathing and movements are a good clue. Besides usually knowing before you do, I may be deliberately making you cum right then and there. It is a sign of courtesy to say something, but I don't get all upset about it if my mouth is suddenly full of cum. That's why I was going down on you, sweetie. Remember?
Sometimes I liked to be "face fucked". Sometimes not. Pay attention, I will be letting you know somehow I do not like what you are doing.
Porn? They're Movies! I haven't seen many, but think about this. Is any movie about real life, real people or real situations? Even in a movie that is supposed to be "real", well, I never look that good in bed when I wake up! So why do men think what they see in porn is any more real?
Then again, I have been told my life IS a porn movie. Oh well.
I like to be on top.
Pictures? NO. Things end up on the Web.
Bodies slapping together? IS SEXY!!!
Imagination and poses? I have enough imagination for two (or even six or seven people). But if you talk to one another, you will each learn, and be inspired to try new things. When I was in college, one date had a "pocket Kama Sutra". I thought it was stupid and silly, at first. But I trusted him, and I learned a lot that night. (I have my own copy at bedside now)
Anal stimulation? YES, but use sense. Keep your nails trimmed very short, use lube, (for simple, limited play, without insertion, vaginal secretions do work. But not for anything other than light teasing play.) And If I say STOP, stop, or risk injury! It's a "some days yes, some days NO!" thing. Get over it.
Love bites: Be very careful. Most people just hurt and leave marks. Not a turn on.
Barking orders? Look, I like to be dominated, but not all the time. So unless I have that specific, agreed -on relationship with a (wo)man, I do not like to be ordered or pushed around. It's a size thing. I am about half the size (or less) of most men, and they think this gives them the right to throw me around in bed. I have been known to get up and leave, no matter how turned on I was. It's a principle. I am not a toy. (unless I agree to it)
Talking dirty? Sure! But I may say much dirtier, nastier things than you. Good dirty talk is a turn on. "Ohh yes I'm coming, I want to cum all over your face" (or ass, tastes vary) is OK for me. But saying silly, coarse, stupid things gets you left standing with a rapidly deflating cock in your hand. Example: call me a whore, ("swallow it you whore") and you will be VERY unhappy. Bitch and slut are more problematic. I have had partners say things like "ohh you are such a dirty slut, lick me" and it was a turn on. Like wise saying "Damn, you're a sexy bitch" in the right way, is OK. I guess just be careful, and know your partner's taste before you call her names.
Caring if I came? You had better care, or you never, ever get a second chance. Exceptions. I give you a quickie (a BJ, a tug, or take me bent over a chair, whatever), the point of it is the quickie, for me. You'll cum, I may not. But it's fun, and try to at least make sure it's fun. I'll giggle and laugh if it's fun, I 'll make a face and rub what hurts if I didn't have fun. If you care, and let me know you care, there'll be more fun, (a LOT more) later.
Getting squashed- that's a biggie for me. Pay attention to the relative SIZE of your partner. I'm 58" and 94# for God's sake.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE PINNED UNDER 180 (or more) POUNDS WAITING FOR YOU TO RECOVER FROM POST ORGASMIC BLISS BEFORE I CAN FUCKING BREATH! IT'S SCARY AND PAINFUL!!!
Thank me? DAMN RIGHT you had better thank me! Especially if you ever ever want to see or touch me again. I mean, think about it, for God's sake!
I meet you, you seem nice, so I dance with you, and If I like you, maybe make out a little, and IF I feel a rush, at least a little physical heat, or better, some chemistry, I'll go to a dark corner or your car (or best of all a NICE CLEAN hotel room), and make your whole world spin and crash and burn... (Loulabelle, I do understand your point, please read on) a nice simple, "Wow, that was great, wonderful, amazing, thank you!" is just courtesy.
OK, my ego just arrived.
Maybe "Thank you for a nice evening"? And that applies to BOTH GENDERS!
I am not the Queen, or a Princess, or Duchess, so I will thank you for a nice time in return. Maybe right after you do something special. (I can only hope!)
When I am making *love* to Leigh or Matt, (or both) , and they make me happy, warm, and loved, I most certainly DO say, "Thank you, my love(s).
*Wanda Kitty stretches, makes sure her claws are tucked away, sees that they slipped out just a little, smiles, and steps off her soapbox*
Just my opinion(s). The common themes, if anyone missed them; TALKING, ASKING, and PLEASE. (Communication)
Love always,
WW
__________________
"I wondered, am I a lesbian, am I straight, or bisexual? Then I realized that I am just a slut.
So where's MY parade?"
---Margaret Cho
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