Sure, central Illinois residents are always walking along the beach. Dang mud puddles.

Oh boy, payday is tomorrow!

Not me - no way! I would rather be tied up from a tree by my toenails!

OUCH!

Is anyone up for some oral sex?

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Would you like more sex with that?

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.

Ohhhhhh! I'd rather have you rub my tongue with sandpaper!


Wow, this is sure a beautiful day!

Oh yeah, four in the morning and temperatures in the forties ... just doesn't get any better than that.

It's sure be nice to win the lottery.

Yeah, and the government takes 60% and you get sued for the remaining 40.


I think I'll give up smoking today.

Yeah, right after I save the world from certain destruction.


Going back to school is easy

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

Just like getting un-pregnant.

Marriage is a breeze.

__________________
Lots of people talk and few of them know, soul of a woman was created below

I can't get through to her 'cause it doesn't permit
But I'm gonna give her everything I've got to give.

I hear your sweet voice calling
out my name
As I stare from a six foot cell
And from beyond I heard the words
Deceptively Yours

It sure is... the same kind of breeze as a hurricane... shall we get our kites?


The check is in the mail, honest.

__________________
Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN


It's no trick loving somebody at their best. Love is loving them at their worst.
~Tom Stoppard~


It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
~George Burns~


As bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.
~A. DiFranco~

..and I won't ____ in your mouth! Trick!

Relationships take no work at all.

__________________
Lots of people talk and few of them know, soul of a woman was created below

I can't get through to her 'cause it doesn't permit
But I'm gonna give her everything I've got to give.

I hear your sweet voice calling
out my name
As I stare from a six foot cell
And from beyond I heard the words
Deceptively Yours

Right, and newborn babies always sleep 4 hours at a time


You can't get pregnant the first time you have sex

__________________
Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN


It's no trick loving somebody at their best. Love is loving them at their worst.
~Tom Stoppard~


It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
~George Burns~


As bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.
~A. DiFranco~

...and the Pope is not catholic!


I love verbal abuse...

__________________
Lots of people talk and few of them know, soul of a woman was created below

I can't get through to her 'cause it doesn't permit
But I'm gonna give her everything I've got to give.

I hear your sweet voice calling
out my name
As I stare from a six foot cell
And from beyond I heard the words
Deceptively Yours

So do I, my self esteem is unshakable


I love to cook and clean after working all day

__________________
Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN


It's no trick loving somebody at their best. Love is loving them at their worst.
~Tom Stoppard~


It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
~George Burns~


As bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.
~A. DiFranco~

...as much as I enjoy washing laundry and folding on a beautiful weekend.


I really enjoy acrimony and constant personal criticism...

__________________
Lots of people talk and few of them know, soul of a woman was created below

I can't get through to her 'cause it doesn't permit
But I'm gonna give her everything I've got to give.

I hear your sweet voice calling
out my name
As I stare from a six foot cell
And from beyond I heard the words
Deceptively Yours

me too.. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over (makes my nipples hard too *weg*)


I love the smell when I take of my shoes after a long day

__________________
Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN


It's no trick loving somebody at their best. Love is loving them at their worst.
~Tom Stoppard~


It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
~George Burns~


As bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.
~A. DiFranco~

Yeah, that's ok, I guess. Personally, I prefer the aroma of dirty laundry that was crammed in the hamper a week ago while it was damp....

I really enjoy showering as the washing machine is turned on and the toilet is flushed simultaneously.

__________________
If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!

Old age and treachery WILL overcome youth and enthusiasm.