Welcome to The Delinquents, an unlikely group of not-so-super heroes and heroines, whose task it is to keep the world free from crime, villains and all kinds of nasty things... Or not.

A group roleplay, there is plenty of room for heroes as well as victims and of course the baddies. If you've never done before, this might be a nice thread to start off in.

Whether you choose to join us or just read along, we all hope you enjoy it.

Please post all comments and new characters to OOC for The Delinquents.

And so it begins...

Thrudd looked out the window at the grounds of St. Xavier's Academy for Superheroes in Training. She had held her position here for centuries it seemed, and since that last bunch had graduated, there had been no new admissions. It seemed no one wanted to be a superhero anymore and she had been hard put to find the few potential students that she had finally located.

Times were changing and there were ugly things happening in the world. There just weren't enough superheroes to go around anymore. They needed to train up a new batch to take up the slack.

Smiling, she sat back and put her feet up. The "invitations" had all been sent. Some would know why they had been summoned, others would not. Whichever the case, it was going to be a very interesting semester.

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Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse can happen to you for the rest of the day.

Muffy came in from a hard day at the spa, picking up the mail on the table where Jonesy had left it while she was out. She shuffled through the invitations to luncheons and dinner parties with a sigh. Muffy needed excitement in her life. Not that parties, shopping and manicures weren't enough, but she needed something glitzy. Something she could really dress up for. Flash and glitter. Something she could WOW the bon ton with.

That was when she noticed the letter from St. Xavier's Academy. A Charity Ball! That would do the trick, she thought as she slid the letter opener under the flap.

Dear Miss Gottrocks,

You have been chosen to attend a special function at St. Xavier's Academy. As one of our guests of honor, we would be delighted if you would join us on Friday evening, 28 February 2003 at 7:00pm sharp.

Please be prepared to spend a short sojourn with us. Lodgings and transportation will be provided by the Academy. A limousine will be sent to pick you up at 5:30pm on the same date.

Sincerely,

Thrudd Thorsdottir, Directress of Admissions

Muffy jumped up from the chair where she had been reading her mail. February 28th is tomorrow! She could get Jean-Claude to fit her in first thing in the morning to have her hair done and Helene could give her a manicure and pedicure while she was there, too.

"Woo hoo!" she screamed. "Time to party! Jonesy! Where are you? I need to get packed. NOW!"

Bruce B. Goosed, Dick Cummings

The Next day, friday the 27th, Two men are driving around in a White Limo, one man quite shorter then the other. The taller man, Bruce, is driving. He even dressed for the part in a black driving uniform with a Drivers hat, the first time that he had ever had the oportunity to do so. the Shorter man, or some times called Boy, Dick, is dressed in a similar fashon with out the hat and is holding a map and trying to read it wile at the same time arguing with with Bruce.


Dick: "When do I get to wear the hat?" Looking around the map at Bruces hat.

Bruce: "When you are big enouph to drive you can have the hat."Looking at Dick with a cocky smile. "OK where are we and what street are we looking for again.............. You know the one where we are to pic up,,,,,,,,, Mmmmmmmm what's her name?????? Miss Givesgoodhead, No that's not it!!! come Dick wher are we supposed to go?"

Dick: " How am I supposed to know you took the Message dumb ass! And just for the recored, i think that I have proven myself to be bigger then you... on more then one Occasion! By the way what are all these sqiggley lines on this paper for? I try to erase them but i keep ripping the paper."

Bruce: stopping the car in middle of the busy road, takes the map from Dick and looks at the edges. "I know I worte it down on here some where." Looking for a few more minutes and finding a hole where there is some writting with just some letters remaining. Loking harder he can make out some words, concentrating with his minds eye, as people are passing and honking ans calling out obsenities to him for stopping in the middle of the road, he mutters "Muffy Go........ 8 Hercircleway, Bev.....ill's CA."

"OK here we go now you did it you lil shit... How are we supposed to pick up Miss Givesgoodhead when we don't even know what her real name is! Just that her first name is Muffy." Crinkling the map and slamming it on the head of his little partner.

Dick: Standing as Bruce hit him and starts to come at him pummlingly with clenched fists of furry. "You bastard, you hit me! I'm Gonna, gonna, gonna,........." as he falls back into the seat as Bruce puts the accelerator to the floor making the car lurch forward violently.

Bruce: "If I have told you once, I have told you a thousand times, KEEP YOUR SEAT BELT ON!!!!!"

After two hours of looking for the road, Hercircleway,Bruce finally finds it. He sees a woman standing infront of a large gate and decides, since they are late picking up Miss Givesgoodhead, to finally ask for directions to 8 Hercircleway.

Bruce, speaking over Dick, through the passenger window to the Lovely lady out side of the big gates. Using his best English Accent that he doesn't have or sounds anything like an Englishman "Escu me mam, cun ya teel mee wheere nooomber eighet Hier Circley Wayssssat? We are looking for a Miss. Muffy Givesgoodhead. Da yea Knoow wheeere it is? Wee're Laate to picking her up for an Impotant meeaating with a Mrs. Thrudd Thorsdotter of St. Xavier's Acadamy.

Dick: Trying to look out the window at the woman wile Bruce is talking. "Hey Baby I can show you a Really Big Time if you let me", Smiling as he speaks and Winking at the beautiful woman. "We can get in the back and get it on and let the Dumbass here drive us around on some bumpy roads, if you know what I mean." Winking and motioning to the back seat.

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Yea I'm Here, Let the Party Begin

Bruce, looking surprised at the corection that he got from Mis Gotrocks, says: "Sorreeeaaaaa thar madiman, Hoeup I's don'ted Offeend you toooeee muuuch's."

Turning to Dick and elboing him in the shoulder, to get his attention, "Hurry up. Help her in and put her luggage in the trunk."

Dick opens up the door and climbs out of the Limo. he steps closer to Miss Gotrocks, his head reaching to where her navel is at eye level, he takes a big sniff. Looking up into Miss Gotrocks eyes, with a big smile on his face, "Gee, your hair smells good today."

Then Dick looks at all of the Luggage that is beside her and his smile goes away. He looks to Bruce, "Hey Bruce, How am I supposed to lift these things? they are bigger then I am." then looks back at Miss Gotrocks, and his smile returns "I'm good at giving suppport tho, wanna see? or should I say Feel?"

Bruce, standing at the side of the car and opens the trunk and starts putting the bags into the trunk, rather carelessly, sometimes throwing them at dick, who barely missed getting hit while still chatting whith the guest. "You are not paid to talk, now help me with the luggage. We need to make it all fit goa nd get me that baseball bat in the front seet. We'll make it all fit, even if we have to beat it there."

Dick grabs the bat from the front seat and runs to the back of the car dragging it behind him. "Here you go Bruce, remember I get a swig at it too." smilling as he hands him the bat.

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Yea I'm Here, Let the Party Begin

OCC Posting for Dragon Lady.

IC
Dad!! do I really have to go to xaviers college for super heros !! Why just because your a super hero and my pig headed brother is why do I have to be one besides I don't have powers like you do!

Young lady your brother is flying you over right now so you better be prepared and just listen who know maybe they will find a talent in you yet besides makeing every one around you have an orgasim , But dad its just not fair , YOur just doing it to keep it in the family and I'm still the out cast you like Jr better then me !!

And i can't talk to mom because she at the clinick getting her binkini waxed!!

YOung lady I have had enough of your lip your going that is final!

Al right I will go but I'm driveing my self and that is all I don't want any thing to do with my brother if he goes there then they will be like so this is your brother you should be more like him and I'm not going to tell them I clark kents daughter either or supermans for that fact just because I'm the youngest !!! Kent in this family I"m going to do this my way

Shelby stomps to the car as she talks to her self its not fair they get all the good powers and what do I get orgasims sigh

as she drives 20 minuites to xaviers ....

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Yea I'm Here, Let the Party Begin

OCC posting for DragonLady

IC

Shelby saw that xaivers was right in front of her with all the lemazens every where ,Just fucking great she mutter now where the hell am I sopposed to park my BMW ... awwwwww there is a spot right between the big white one and black on she may park weird but hay at least she will be off the road so nothing will hurt her car..

as shelby makes a sharp right turn right infront of the the balck limaze on to the side walk into the grass.. Almost hiting a weird person on a tricycle.

she puts the car in park turns of the engine opens the door and says Here I am who is going to carry my luggage please!

As she waits for a bell hop to get her luggage....

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Yea I'm Here, Let the Party Begin

Bruce: Driving the Limo down the streets that he drove looking for Miss Gottrocks, puts his hand to his, now pulsating eye and shifting his gaze to his partner sitting next to him "Damn who would have thought she could hit so hard."

Dick responding is gasps of breaths and slitely higher pitched voice as well "Yea and she Kicks hard too!!!! and what was the Idea of giving her the baseball bat any way? You just wait till i'm can move again I'm gonna kick your ass!" the last part spoken under his breath.

Just a few mor miles, Bruce thought then he can get this pain in his ribs looked at by the school nurse, the Sexy School nurse at that winking to himself. Damn that Miss Givesgoodhead, she sure does know how to weald a basseball bat.

As Bruce drives his Limo into the School parking lot, Dick looks out the window, feeling beter from the car ride and the vicious beating that he recieved for no good reason "Hey Bruce, there are no more parking spaces. Where are we going to park?"

"Don't worry Dick, we'll park where we usually park. You know next to the front door."says Bruce.

"I wanna park it!"says Dick as he grabs at the steering weel.

"No! you don't have a Lisence. you Idiot!" as bruce starts hitting at Dicks hands on the steering weel.

"Don't make me go midevil on your big ass! shit for brains! IT'S MY TURN YOU PROMMISED THAT I COULD PARK THE CAR!" hitting Bruce in the sore ribs of bruce and still holding the steering weel.

"OUCH!!!! YOU LITTLE SHIT! I'M GONNA, GONNA, GONNA!" as Bruce takes his hands off the steering weel and goes to put them oround Dicks neck. "GONNA squeeze that big pimple you call a head right off of your shoulders!"

and then a minute later, there is a big bang!!! as the Limo that is carrying Miss Gottrocks, hits a Red BMW, baning up the front end of the Limo and demoloshing the side of the BMW, that is parked in the parking spot that has been and always has been resurved for Bruce and Dick. "What the HELL!!!!!" says Bruce, looking at Dick abnd then to the red Beemer that is infront of them. "Some one has taken our parking spot!"

Bruce and Dick bot get out of the car. Bruce carying the Baseball bat and starts pounding on the Red Beemer and shouting at the top of his lungs, "Who the Hell is the Stupid Idiot that parked there STUPID CAR in my PARKING SPOT!",wile his shorter look alike starts Kicking the car's weel, as a Crowd of people start comming to see what has happend.

OCC the Former post is Mine... and No one elses....
thank you....

E

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Yea I'm Here, Let the Party Begin

OCC posting for DragonLady

IC

Shelby was giveing a bell hop an organsim with out her realize it.. As all the sudden BANG!!! She turned around so fast and saw this big lemozen hit her car ...

Then this little midget started hit her car and another guy started hiting her car Shelby was now Pissed off

Walking to the smaller guy she looked at him You hit my car she said as she taped him on the shoulder and then gave him a swift kick .. Shelby didn't realize what type of power she had in that kick when the little guy flew in to the school window.

Then she turn to find the bigger guy, She walks up to him and looks at him Tapping him on the shoulder YOu hit my car my baby How could you do something so stupid YOu Fuck head are you dumb or what as Shelby Kicks the bigger man in the balls and he flys in to the air in to the fountain that has a statue of her father on it ..

What ass holes Shebly grabs her Cell Phone and calls her Father

Daddy YOu will never believe what just Happened Some Man and his mini me JUst Fucking HIt my Car !! as she Yelled and cried in the phone !! Its so totaled daddy ,

Clark sighed into the phone knowing this was just another way for his daughter to get of of this . Ok HOney I will tell you what you finish super hero school and I will by you a better brand new car Ok

Shelby : REAlly YOu will get me a new car Ok daddy Oh and the two idiots that hit my car I kicked them both like you taught me and they flew It was kind of cool daddy

Well I got to go daddy You better make sure you get me a good one to I want a super hero car!! Love you daddy got to go and check in now the bell hope is takeing my luggage in

as she hung up the phone and started to walk toward the entrance of the school

Hit my car will you What ass holes that should of taught them a lesson .. As she walks with a sexiness she doesn't even know she has..

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Yea I'm Here, Let the Party Begin

Bruce, watching as a Beautiful young lady comes over and starts yelling at them for hitting her car grasps the Baseball bat even harder. He looks in amazment as she grabs Dick by the shoulder and sees that there is a painful look on his face and then off he goes into the second floor of the school, breaking the window. Then she focused her attention on himself, as he starts to shake in his boots.

Her hand on his shoulder, Bruce feels the sensation of unknown origines of what he had never felt before, all of a sudden a sharp Killing pain in the same area as he feels the wind ruching over him then a hard hit on his head and a waking splash of the water in the fountan, shaped in the image of Superman Peeing in the water. But at this moment it was actually peeing on Bruces head.

Dick, on the other hand, landing in the class room with such force that he slid across the room, knocking over deskes and chairs and a few tables with some kind of liquids on it that made a heavy smoke when combined with each other, and then into the door.

"WOW!! What a Woman! I want her. I need her. I can't Live with out her! What a way to Introduce your self" Dick says with a Big smile on his face and cum dripping down his leg.

Dick stands up, his legs shaking from the best experiance of his life, " I need to find this mystery woman. I know I'll put up posters of her. WOW what a woman." he tries to walk and finds himself staggering from side to side.

Bruce, finally getting out of the fountain and crawling back to the limo, tries to open the back door for Miss Gottrocks.

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Yea I'm Here, Let the Party Begin

Jena Princittoni, also known as Guess Girl, hurried down the sidewalk towards her apartment building doing her best to ignore the hotdog vender that followed her down the street yelling out, "but mommie, I have foot longs!" and she was pretty sure he wasn't referring to his product.

She had grown accustomed to the unwanted attention ever since her accident ten months earlier but it could still be annoying.

Reaching her building she quickly turned to the door. She could see Bill The Doorman rushing from his desk in order to grab the door for her, (he had gotten very good at that in the last ten months), but she didn't have time to waste. Grabbing the door handle she swung it outwards and started to rush through before releasing a startled, "Ow!" as her head smacked into the edge of the opening door.

Staggering back, she heard the sloppy slide as the hotdog man hurled himself onto the sidewalk and looked up at her with wide pleading eyes, "Please, poppie!" he whined. "I'll do anything. Free hotdogs for a year...no! Two years! Just let me smell your feet. I have foot longs!"

She couldn't so anything other than stare at the little hairy slug as he groveled on the pavement. "Smell my feet?" she thought. "That's a new one." And that was saying a lot. Since her mishap in the storage vault she had gotten god only knows how many different offers and advances. Everything from marriage proposals to...well...letting them smell her feet.

She was just about to turn back in to her building when Bill The Doorman, (that's how she thought of him), came charging out the double glass doors, ignoring the long crack that ran through the large pane from where her head hit it, with teeth gritted and a look of absolute fury in his eyes. "Is this man bothering you, Miss Princittoni?" he asked as his fingers curled and uncurled into tight fists.

She opened her full pouty lips and was just about to answer when Bill The Doorman said, "Don't worry, luscious..er...I mean, Ma'am. I'll take care of this riffraff."

With that, Bill lumbered down the steps and proceeded to give the Hotdog Guy a serious dosage of Doorman justice. The last thing Jena heard as she carefully went through the doors was Hotdog Guy yelling, "Fooooot looongs!" as Bill The Doorman repeatedly reminded him that, "She's mine..mine mine mine!" with each smack of his fist.

Jena noticed, gratefully, that the lobby was empty as she made her way to the front desk. Going to the row of mailboxes, she quickly unlocked hers and pulled out a small stack of envelopes. As she rifled through the stack of letters, which she found were either bills or junk mail, she noticed that Bill The Doorman had finished with his vendetta outside and was happily standing by the door grinning happily at her with his hands in his pockets. She knew better than to smile back, remembering the riot that had caused last time, and turned back to her mail. Blowing a whisp of black hair from her eyes, which caused Bill The Doorman to whimper in estatic delight, she noticed the rich envelope near the bottom of the pile. Pulling the envelope to the top she read the fine, extravagant writing that was in the place for return of address. "St. Xavier's Academy? What the...?"

While staring uncomprehendingly at the lettering, she reached up to shut her mailbox. "Sonofa..ow!" She jerked her thumb back sharply, the small digit throbbing slightly from where it got pinched between the mailbox frame and the closing lid. Instinctively popping the sore digit in her mouth she began sucking on it. As her red lips wrapped snugly about the sore digit, she suddenly realized what she was doing and slowly slid her eyes over towards Bill The Doorman. Her eyes widened just a bit, and she quickly popped her finger from her mouth, as she saw Bill The Doorman staring at her with his mouth open and tongue dribbling from one side of his mouth. She also saw that Bill The Doorman was playing with some change in his pockets like he was getting ready to throw a handful of dice at a craps table. However, she quickly noticed that she couldn't hear so much as a dime rattling as his hands frantically jiggled back and forth in his pockets.

Feeling a bit nauseated, after all she was only nineteen and Bill The Doorman had to be at least fifty, she quickly turned and scurried to the elevators. With a sigh of relief, she slumped against the elevator wall and enjoyed the short ride to her floor in complete unmolested solitude, which was a rare thing for her these days.

As the elevator slowly lumbered to her floor, Jen continued to study the curious envelope. She had no idea what St. Xavier's Academy was or how they had gotten hold of her address. With a shrug, she decided she ask Master Wang about it and see if he knew anything about the place.

Jen had met Master Wang about eight months ago. At first she thought he was just another horny oriental that got lured to her by her 'power' but he quickly dispelled that. "Mastah Wang numbah one helo tlainah," he had told her. "Before Mastah Wang tlain Batman, she just numbah ten sploiled blat. And Frash..bah...he just good fo one second fuckee fuckee befoe Wang teach to fight."

She had been a bit leery about Master Wang at first but after he proved he could withstand her powers, or so she thought, she had agreed to let him train her. And over the following months he had trained her quite a bit. He even taught her some pretty bitchin Matrix moves like running up the side of a wall and dodging bullets. Unfortunately, she normally fell right on her ass when dodging bullets but she was working on it.

Reaching her floor she exited the elevator and headed to her apartment. Opening the door she went inside and stopped suddenly as she saw Master Wang standing in front of the couch with a pair of her panties pressed to his face. Master Wangs eyes grew ridiculously wide as he saw her, but then he lowered her panties and said, "Ah, my rotus frower, you allive after rong day at work." his eyes darted quickly from the panties in his hands to her face as he continued, "I..ah...I was....foldling raundry...yes!..that's it!..foldling raundry."

With a nod, Jena crossed the room, not noticing the flutter of Master Wangs eyelids as she grew close to him, and extended the letter she had received to him. "Master Wang," she asked. "I got this in the mail today. Do you have any idea what it is?"

Arching a wisened brow, Master Wang took the letter and read the script which caused his eyes to widen and a broad smile to cross his face. Clearing his throat, Master Wang tuned his eyes towards Jena and said in a serious tone, "My child, this lettah of upmost implotance and of course I know what it is." With a sudden clap of his hands he barked, "Handstand for impertenance!"

With a sigh, Jenna tossed the other letters aside and quickly flipped herself into a straight handstand which caused her dress to tumble down her inverted form. As the long fabric was hanging over her face, she didn't see Master Wang ogling at the small thong that stretched snugly over her mound before dipping between the tight round cheeks of her young ass. Leaning forward just a bit, Master Wang positioned his face at her crotch and waggled his tongue wildly just a few inches from her bright red silk covered mound before turning his eyes skyward and whispering, "Thank you, Confucious."

"What was that, Master?" Jen asked as she carefully balanced herself on her hands.

"Er..nothing. You just keep with handstand. You improving."

Tearing the letter open, Master Wang quickly read the fine script before releasing a loud "Whoooiieeee!!"

The sudden outburst startled Jenna and caused her to tumble down, her legs striking the endtable beside the couch and sending the flowerpot flying across the room before shattering against the wall. Brushing her hair from her face, she looked up at Wang as she sat on the floor, "What is it, Master?"

Master Wang was hopping from one foot to the other in an excited jig as he replied, "Onry the best thing to happen since samurie discover peanut butter! You make it, my jiggery student! The Academy is numbah one supah helo tlaining in the world. And you invited!"

It took a second before what Master Wang was tellin g her sunk in and when it did she thought she would burst with happiness. This is what she had waited for her whole life..well...for the last ten months anyway. She grabbed Master Wang's hands and they both jumped up and down with glee. Of course, she was so estatic she never noticed Master Wang's eyes bouncing up and down like a pair of superballs as they followed the delicious bounce of her firm breasts beneath her dress.

Master Wang had her quickly shower and change before the arrival of the limo. After she had gotten dressed, in a very beautiful black velvet gown with speghetti straps and a low plunging back, she asked Wang why he hadn't changed. He explained that it was her night and he would wait at home for the good news of her acceptance, all the while his eyes eagerly drifted to the laundry room and the small pile of unwashed panties that waited within.

The limo arrived on time and the ride was pleasant, although Jena was concerned with the time. After all, nightfall occurred shortly after 7 PM and she knew what happened to her after it got dark. However, she told herself she'd leave before things got out of control.

As they arrived at the Academy, she was surprised and impressed that the driver had the foresight to wear a surgical mask in order to avoid any uncomfortable repercussions from her powers, she stared in awe at the lush grounds and the extravagent mansion. However, just as she exited the limo she heard a scream of, ""Who the hell is the stupid idiot that parked there STUPID CAR in my PARKING SPOT!"

Next thing she knew, she saw one guy go flying through a window quickly followed by another landing head first into a statue of....Superman pissing?

She looked with alarm at her driver but he just gave her a shrug and mumbled through his mask, "Don't worry. Misunderstandings like that happen all the time, you'll get used to it."

With a slow disbelieving nod, she carefully began walking towards the mansion, quite proud of herself that she only tripped over the hem of her gown three times before reaching the door.

William Johnson had sunk about as low as it was possible to go. He walked resignedly out onto the stage in front of the audience of two dozen drunken tourists.

"Int-roh-duuucing, the amazing Peckerman!" exclaimed the sleazy master of ceremonies, with a flourish of his ever present cigar. "The only man in the world with a prehensile infinitely extendable penis!"

How did the son of one of the world's top superheroes end up performing in a Tihuana freakshow? Life's like that sometimes.

The rowdy audience were suddenly silent as he dropped my baggy pants and they saw his floppy two foot cock begin to dance like a cobra before an Indian snake charmer. They gasped. They'd never seen anything like it. Then it shot out to ten feet in length, wrapping itself around a rafter near the ceiling. Grasping it like Tarzan with a jungle vine he swung out over the heads of the mesmerised on-lookers, who ducked and shrieked in surprise.

Sure there was some satisfaction in getting that kind of reaction, but try living with it your whole life. He was a freak, at home only amongst other freaks, and then only because they were fellow outcasts. He didn't particularly like most of his fellow performers, but they accepted him as he was and that was as much as he could expect.

When the show was over he retreated to his grotty dressing room and that half-finished bottle of scotch.

He'd tried to live a normal life. But the kids at school had teased him when they saw him in the shower. When he tried to impress the girls with the tricks he could do they ran screaming to the teacher and he ended up getting sent home. Still he didn't give in.

After leaving high school he had become a plumber's apprentice. That was a good normal job, far removed from any comparison with his famous father, under whose shadow he lived.

But, once he had qualified as a fully-fledged plumber, one too many clients caught him using his penis to unclog their drains and he'd had to give up working.

Show business was the only place a freak could be accepted and make a reasonable living. He'd applied for a spot with the Ringling Brother's circus, but, when they saw his act they were as horrified and they were amazed and told him there was no way they could use him in a family circus.

So that was how he came to be drinking whisky in the fly-blown dressing room of a Tihuana sex circus.

He lay back on the bed and took another swig from the bottle. When the urge to take a piss came to him he didn't bother to leave the room, he just let his cock snake out the door, along the floor and into the open door of the men's room. He sighed and lay back on the bed as his bladder emptied.

"Ouch! Ya clumsy motherfucker! Watch out where you're putting your feet!" he cried as the Man with the Talking Arsehole stepped on his cock. It happened often enough that he could tell who it was by their weight and the texture of the soles of their shoes.

"You got mail," announced the Three Breasted Woman poking her head around the door of his dressing room and chucking him a letter.

"Who know's I'm here?" he asked rhetorically.

"Fucked if I know," she replied, not realising that he was talking to himself.

He tore open the envelope. It was from St. Xaviers Academy for Superheroes. He might have known they would approach him eventually. His father's old school.

"If you can stay off the booze, we may be able to offer you a place in our new training schedule," it said in part. So someone had been keeping an eye on him it seemed.

At first he was tempted to just tear up the letter and ignore it. A superhero who swings by his dick! Yeah right. He'd be a laughing stock. And an insult to the memory of his father in the eyes of some. But then he took a good look at his surroundings - the flies swarming over the half-finished plate of chilli con carne, the stain on the floor where he had thrown up the night before, his own bleary-eyed reflection in the cracked mirror over the wash stand. How could anything be worse than this?

"So you're desperate for money!" spat Julio, wiping his sweaty hands on his yellowed singlet and picking up another card. "I told you I'd give you $2,000 dollars if you do the video with the donkey."

"I'm not doing a video with a donkey," Johnson insisted.

"Well, go find the money somewhere else, you're givin' me bad luck," Julio said, throwing in his poker hand.

So much for flying. He'd have to resort to his old standard method of transportation.

The heat was oppressive as he crouched beside the highway, tying on his in-line skates. It wasn't long before a semi-trailer came trundling around the bend though. Opening his fly he let his penis do it's work. It shot out like a tentacle and wrapped around a handle on the back of the truck. Soon he was speeding along the highway with the breeze cooling him down as it dried his sweat soaked shirt and trousers. He reached behind him and pulled a battered paperback novel from his back pocket. Leaning back at a comfortable angle he relaxed and opened the book and started to read. It would be a long trip. Every once in a while he looked around to make sure there weren't any cops approaching.

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"The condition of alienation, of being asleep, of being unconscious, of being out of one's mind, is the condition of the normal man. Society highly values its normal man. It educates children to lose themselves and to become absurd, and thus to be normal. Normal men have killed perhaps 100,000,000 of their fellow normal men in the last fifty years." R. D. Laing, The Politics of Experience. ********** Transylvanian Roulette The Awful Truth The Delinquents