More than once I have been told that I can be very uncivilized, especially when stressed. Or cornered.

i.e. Don't mess with the short chick.

issed:

__________________
"I wondered, am I a lesbian, am I straight, or bisexual? Then I realized that I am just a slut.
So where's MY parade?"

---Margaret Cho

I'm sorry

Dear Stella,
I hope you found a solution meanwhile and you could deal with it.

A lot of years ago I experienced a similar situation with an older guy living in the same house that I was living in.
We sat together in his living room on the sofa and during our talk he was approaching to constantly touch my arm and playing around. I was, like you, completely paralyzed, not able to react in any way... I must say, I am an absolute hetero, and gay stuff is something of a different world to me.
The following days I literally felt sick thinking about that evening. Finally I wrote him a letter telling him that I didn´t want to see him again.
This strategy worked and everything went better.

To make it short, let me tell you, you do not have to feel guilty in any way. Guilty of what?
You know what you want and what you don´t. The problem from my point of view was that you were not able to defend yourself, because you were not prepared for a situation like this. If you work on your self-defence and self-assurance, you are on the right way.

__________________
If every material thing is gone, my smile and my tears stay left.

Good advice, GermanSteve and it's good to see you. Missed seeing your posts.