Hi sugar.
I wanted to answer this carefully, because like you I live here in this wonderful old city, New Orleans. It can be a little hostile towards Lesbian and Bi women in some areas. And we will NOT talk about my Parrish priest, and his reactions to me in the confessional.
Becoming ACTIVELY Bisexual was at once both one of the hardest and one of the easiest things I have ever done.
It was hard because of the social stigma, which is a bit better now, though my coworkers still don't know about my life away from work, and easy because it was a wonderful erotic, loving, unbelievably intense sexual experience.
I have felt intense feelings for other women for most of my life. I had crushes, though then I didn't know they were crushes, on many women I knew. My first open -mouthed kiss was from another girl, "practice" we called it. So the night my nursing school roomie seduced me was not really unexpected, and certainly not unwelcome.
It was magic. Love, sex, with another woman is so totally different from sex with a man. And please do understand, I am very, very enthusiastic about sex with men. "Man/Cock Crazy/Hungry" works for me too hon.
So to the men who read this, please understand I love you all, but I must be honest in my feelings here.
Women.
We are softer, more tender lovers, for the most part. There is often a stronger feeling of sharing, more give and take, and it is usually slower, more exporatory. Did you remember how different it felt to kiss your girlfriend, how soft, and slow and tender it was? The differences, the softness of skin, the fact that there are breasts to be enjoyed, and the scent of a woman's sex are intoxicating to me. And there is the flexibility too. We can bend ways that most men can't.
Then there is the understanding, the familiarity of being with another woman.
I know when I am with another woman, that there is a time were kissing her behind the knee is erotic, there is a time to kiss and lick around her clitoris, not touching it at all. There is a time to make love to her face and breasts and hands, and a time to make her throw her head back in ecstasy, to cause sobbing moans of passion. I know that putting a finger just so is good at the right time, and maybe sometimes not do it at all.
I must also say that in this time of my life, I get most of my emotional intimacy from other women, and have mostly sexual friendships and dates with men.
(I do now have a man as part of my life, as some of you know, but that is new, and an exception, and not something I will talk about here).
Now, what should you do?
Explore. I truly believe you will not be sorry. If you do go to bed with another woman, it will open new doors of intimacy, passion, and sexual sensation for you.
One thing I want to say. There is a joke among Bi and Lesbian women that has been sort of outed to everyone.
"Every woman is bisexual after enough drinks"
There is truth to the relaxing of inibitions, letting yourself feel more free through alcohol. But if you have to get drunk to do this, please don't! If you suddenly sober up and have bad feelings about what you have done and become angry or cry, it is traumatic to to your partner, believe me. It has happened to me, as well as most Bisexual women and Lesbians I know, and we HATE IT. So much so that many Lesbian and Bi women I know will NOT be another woman's first woman.
Be prepared, one night, to make the decision, and go through with it, and live with it. I have written in another posting about the frustrations I have had with women who are just "curious" without telling me up front. (I am not computer literate enough to put in a link, but search my postings. I have written a lot about being Bi, and some of my other postings might help you. Especially my posting about labeling women and their sexual desires/habits. Please take it with the humor it was intended to have.)
Go and socialize with other women. Ever since The Ruby Fruit Jungle closed, we have had a terrible lack of women's bars here.
Some places now cater to mixed Gay and Lesbian crowds. This is good and bad. Bad because I think we deserve a place of our own. Good because I love dancing and getting hammered with gay guys. (Yes I hace been called a fag hag more than a few times, but it is nice to go somewhere to dance and drink, and not have a bunch of guys sniffing after you).
The mixed clubs include the Bourbon Pub, Friends, (Good Friends, is the real name) Oz, and over in Metarie there is Angles.
All of these say they are gay/lesbian bars, but sometimes the crowd is mostly all gay men, and not always openly friendly to us.
Kim's is the closest to a true Women's bar we have left, and they still host drag shows and are open to gays. I do like it a lot though.
There are other places, regular bars and nightclubs, that attract Lesbian and Bi women as well. Mythique and the Dungeon are both wonderful places. Goth bars are good if you are comfortable there. Also 735 is a good dance place, but in all of these, be prepared to be hit on by guys too. A lot.
Alternate places? Go to a Lesbian social event, fund raiser, athletic event, or picnic. We have parades, parties, and God knows how many events, just look in the paper or web sites. Go to one of the University Gay and Lesbian alliance parties and meetings, though don't go there and announce you are just curious and looking and expect to be treated too warmly. Arrive alone, go often, and you will likely eventually go home with someone.
How to approach another woman? How do you like to be approached? Lines are lines, no matter if a man says them or another woman does, so if you hate them, don't use them.
Sometimes just asking someone to dance is enough. If you are really uncertain, just wait to be asked to dance, or be asked if you want another drink. In Women's bar, if a woman offers to buy you a drink, or if asks you to dance, then she is interested in you hon.
Dancing is a big deal for a lot of us, so I hope you love to dance.
What to wear? Look, we woman are more visual than men give us credit for. If you want sexual attention, and tension, then dress so.
"Dress to impress" Please put away the image of a bar full of mannish women in boots and flannel shirts. That image is not without some truth, but I wear a lot of dresses, skirts and halters and even tube tops and shorts in the summer, and have had no trouble getting dates from other women who dress much as I do.
Though I have sufffered through a time when I was called "The Armani Dyke" for a period when I had a passion for expensive dresses and wearing them to the Jungle. It was a phase.
Dress it what you like to wear that makes you feel attractive and comfortable, though leather pants and a leather vest without a blouse may not get you the date you are prepared for. Or maybe it will.
Another Lesbian joke.
" What do Lesbians do on the second date? Rent the U- Haul"
Women who love women are notorious for what we call serial monogamy. We have lots of one night stands, and if there is a second date, it often means a slightly longer relationship is about to happen. BUT NOT ALWAYS. So since you THINK you are not interested in a romantic relationship, (and I think that might change if you do explore this part of your sexuality) then know that you must be careful about being clear that you are not looking for romance for more than one night. Also know that some of our less enlightened sisters have a rigid caste system, where those of us who are Bi and still "Man/Cock Crazy" are looked down on a bit, sometimes a lot, as some sort of traitors. Traitors to what I am never really sure.
And by the way, if you love sex with men as you say, you are not going to give them up just because you enjoy other women. I have actually heard this as an excuse from several woman as to why they cut it off before becoming physical with me. The "I'm afraid I might like it too much" excuse.
I think that it would be a mistake for you to first experiment with other women in a 3sum with aother couple. I have re-read what you wrote, and I feel this needs to be YOUR exploration, and you need to not get involved in the very complex emotions and pressures involved in 3sums.
I end this (finally) by apologizing for being selfish. I have not written that much about my experiences with women because of deep issues of intimacy involved for me.
I write freely here about sex with men in my true -life adventures, but have written little about my sexual encounters with other women. (and yes, everything, every story, I have written and posted here here is a real event, with minor changes to protct me and my friends and loved ones) But I have put up a barrier in my head about sharing too much about my love for my sisters. I promise to be more open, and more sharing.
And thank you for your patience with me. I took a terribly long time to answer you, but then I had a lot to say.

Love,

Wanda

__________________
"I wondered, am I a lesbian, am I straight, or bisexual? Then I realized that I am just a slut.
So where's MY parade?"

---Margaret Cho

A quick update!

Kims's is closed for remodeling, dammit!!!

The Rubyfruit Jungle did the same thing, and never re-opened.
Why can't we get a good, safe, clean, women's bar in this city?

Sexually frustrated,

Wanda

__________________
"I wondered, am I a lesbian, am I straight, or bisexual? Then I realized that I am just a slut.
So where's MY parade?"

---Margaret Cho

Cassie - wanting the odd experience of 'the other' is normal. probably near 100% of thinking sexual activists (like Pixies people) have at least thought about it. So don't worry about it.

On the other question - how do I know when a woman is open to sexual suggestions - well, baby, allow me to gloat! Join the club! Men have spent a life itme trying figure out just that, and still get it wrong most of the time. I know I do. You will find that your potential targets hold all the cards, and life is tough out there. If you find a foolproof answer, please let me know before anyone else.....

I just wanted give a thank you and a gargantuan hug to those who have responded through posts and PMs. Your advice has been very helpful to me. I know now that this is something I definately want to try and that I am not the only one in this situation. Again, thank you!

P.S. WickedWanda, thanks for the update on Kim's. I had been planning on going there this weekend, but lol, I guess that will have to be postponed! I guess I'll just have to drool over all the hot gay men at Oz

Cassie,

As others have said here, it's RARE to find people who are 100% attracted to EITHER their own sex or the opposite sex. MOST people have some attraction for both sexes... although some people will absolutely not admit it.

If and when you have sex with another women, you'll still have all of the same attractions and feelings for men you now have. It's not going to change you. You can still marry and still have children. Heck, you can do that even if you DO decide on a woman for a life partner! There are lesbian wedding ceremonies, and I know several lesbian couples who are parents of children - conceived by artificial insemination or even sex with a man with the intention of becoming pregnant. Natural Family Planning used in reverse.

I've heard all of the things that were suggested here - campus gay and lesbian groups, community gay and lesbian groups. They're great for getting to know people and making friends, and I've managed to get a date or two out of them, but I never got to the bedroom with anybody from one. I've met women in some pretty strange ways, or had someone come on to me after she'd known me for awhile.

What does another women like? Oh, she likes the same things you do. That's true both in and out of the bedroom. She wants to be wined and dined, complimented, written love poetry, told how much she is loved, have her hand held, cuddled, kissed. When you do get her in bed, go as slow as you would like, and take your clues from how she reacts to various things. Men are very much alike sexually. Women are different from one another. Some like some VERY different touches than others!

Even though I've been loving and sexual with other women for QUITE some time, and my first 3 lovers were all women, I *do* like men, love men, have chosen to spend my life with a man, and my best friend is another man (never sexual). I'm still bisexual, and I always will be.

As Wanda said, there is some amount of distrust and discrimmination against bis in the lesbian community. A lot of gays and lesbians think of someone bi as someone who "is just not ready to come out yet", or "can't quite be honest with themselves about what they want". Honey, I am honest with myself. I know what I want, and the sex of a person is pretty low on the list of what traits are important about them. Or, there's the notion of "traitor". I'm not sure how my being sexual with a man makes me a "traitor" to any of my lesiban sisters - whether I've been sexual or not with them. This is, of course, with the exception of if I were to have a monogamy agreement with a woman lover. Still, I would have JUST violated that agreement with HER. I would not have "betrayed" lesbians or women as a whole!

If you want to PM me or chat about any of this, let me know.

Hi Cassiopeia. I'm very much of a lurker... I've been checking out the (excellent) stories and recently in the last few months the forums too. I don't pretend to know a lot, I'm only 18 and I have no experience with men or women, but I do know matters of the heart and maybe I can tell you how I feel and that may help you know how you feel. That's the idea anyway, lol.

Well, I consider myself a bisexual. I've never physically been with either sex (I've been involved but that would take too long to explain right here), but I know I have the ability to love a woman just as much as I could a man. It's not about gender at the end of the day. Things are rearranged differently, but people are still people. You could be with a man that's quite feminine, or a woman quite masculine, and all that really changes is appearance, temperament and personality, but as everyone's unique anyhow... I don't think it really matters.

It's really about preference. If you were straight you wouldn't fancy every man. Bisexuals can like men and women - some at the same time, some more than others... Personally, I think I haven't met the right women yet. I find women attractive and I think we're much more appealing to look at than men are, but I've loved men. I didn't need to have sex with them to be in love. I've never loved a woman in that way. But I can visualise being with a woman, or with a man, and neither bothers me.

Sexuality isn't really a question about who you'd like to have sex with more, but about who could imagine being with. Dating, spending time with, living with, marrying, having children, growing old together, etc. or whatever you as a person feels comfortable with. Sex is an act, but love is something to cherish.

Hope my first post made some sense. I've been awake all night... Hi all, btw!

Go for it. If you don't pursue this possible interest, you'll regret it later.