Its so different.. Every time..

For so long you depressed.. and scouring along the bottom. feeling like life is all game.. or your on tv or something.. You can't even form plausible thoughts. Its terrible..

But then.. in the odd chance you come across some new love. some new passion. You think clearly.. You fly on top.. Its so strange..

How can you just.. yesterday feel so terrible to sit and think of things no human should think of.. And yet the next day you can fly through it without a care in the world.. completely lost in all feelings.. And forget all the hurt that's happened..

The pain is so deep. and powerful. worse than anythings anyone should ever have to go through..

But.. the love comes along... and its gone.. there is not there but the love.. it takes over...

Its all powerful it feels like..

It scares me. truthfully. that one certain feeling.. or being can make you feel this way.. and completely heal your insides.. in such a short time.. maybe im easy.. i dunno.. But I tell ya.. I puts a new light on everything..

But then again its not a new light now is it?.. or is it?

That's the question i think... the real question..

But who knows im just a prattling fool

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Fantasy is only as as fake as your body wants it to be.

You are so right. Love is very powerful and does give you some wonderful feelings. But also, when you loose love, seems like the whole world will crumble. So to me, its very important to take care of things you love.

Congratulations!

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~Tainted Love~

that's exactly what i mean..

That this one feeling.. this one word...

Can create all these different feelings.. like they.. Revolve around it.

As though the planets revolve around the sun. Its all tied into this one feeling

Hate doesn't create love.. depression doesnt.. nothing does... love forms on its own.. And out of love these other feelings form.. Maybe you've lost it.. or you've never found it.. But in some way or another everyone is touched differently by it.. all in good.. all in bad..

but that is where im stuck.. is it a curse. or a blessing.. i'm sure we all have a different look on it.. we've all been touched differently..

So what do you do when your completely lost.. and alone? I don't know.. d oyou find someone else.. to wander around in this.. sea of .. shit? or love.. I can't figure it out.. they're both four letter words to me...

Heh.. four letter word indeed love is.. I'm starting to think its the most dangerous one of all....

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Fantasy is only as as fake as your body wants it to be.

And as a second thought..

How can someone have their entire world upended.. for so long.. for years... to be tilted back properly.. but still off skew.. and still hope to .. live?

Is it possible.. or are we all kidding ourselves..

maybe i should rephrase that.. am i kidding myself? are my thoughts of grandeur.. exactly that.. just thoughts? or is it possible to continue.. with this.. new love..this thing you know is so dangerous.. so absolutely volatile..

This one thing you've held..caressed.. kissed.. everything.. been apart of so long... watch blow up in your face.. how can you truely trust it again?
i don't think its possible.. i think im just kidding myself again.. wait not again.. just more so.. Doubly so.. triply so.. shit i lost count..

A buddy of mine said something today.. that only conceded with my .. thoughts of late.. his qoute was..

"I'd like to find the guy that said. Its better to have loved and lost than to have ever loved. And punch him square in the mouth." I must agree..

Maybe its my own twisted thoughts. but i think i'd be a better person.. better off in the end of it all if i would have never encountered this dangerous .. whatever it is.. Enigma.. curse.. blessing.. whatever you want to call it..

I could go on for years.. i think.. trying to figure this out.. and die.. and never have figured it out..

But quite possibly that might be the answer.. maybe life... the reason we are here.. is to find this... this element harness it... work it... watch it blow... and work it again.. without fail until we have molded and shaped it into whatever we want? Make it ours.. Take away its .. free spirit if you want to call it that.. and just make it a part of our own spirit..

Maybe that's why its so difficult.. no not maybe.. it is.. that is why.. THat's it.. Love is its own free being.. it has thoughts.. will... and most of all the survival instinct of the most vicious hunter..

Just like a human spirit.. So why would this other.. entity want to bond with us? It doesnt.. Nothing does.. Nothing in this world will work together unless it has a reason too.. You need a reason.. something to offer each other..

The human spirit.. and the spirit of love have to offer each other something and in return.. they fuse.. and work together.. To create.. something else... which i've yet to find.. even through my years spent traveling with love.. never once has it touched me i think.. I've only been able to pal around with it..

Thats right..... so.. maybe this isnt finding love again.. this is just ending up sitting next to it on the next ride....

Shit.... sucks riding shotgun when you wanna be the driver....

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Fantasy is only as as fake as your body wants it to be.

I'm not sure what this is all about Ranger1930. Some pretty deep thoughts going on here though...so I feel compelled to say something.

I feel opposite of you and your friend's opinion on love. I truly believe it IS better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. No one should pass through this life and never experience the most intense of all human emotions! As a matter of fact, I'm not sure one CAN pass through this life and honestly say they had never been in love...at least once. I just can't imagine how a person could miss it in an entire lifetime...providing that the person lives a natural length of time. Who could have such a closed heart to have missed something that hits you out of the blue? And, if they do miss it...how and why? Love seems to be the something that makes us whole. To never have experienced it for long enough to lose it seems to leave a kink in the link of the circle of life. In the circle...we are born, we grow, we love, we leave an impression on this planet (be it by our children or by our contributions or both) and then we die.

I highly doubt that your friend would give back his "love experience" in exchange for never having had it or the chance to have it again...ever! As you said...the feeling is so wonderful...how could you never want it or never want to experience it again?

Kinda like sex...ain't it?

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

Its really difficult to go through life with such mixed emotions all the time... Sometimes i find it hard to even think.. reasonably.. or i find myself getting lost in fantasies.. whatever they may be.. But I've yet to figure out how im supposed to continue with this.. being lost is such a terrible thing..

can't really get what i want to say .. typed out properly.. going throuhg life with strange looks from everyone including your close family members because you don't think on the same level. You just want to shout out.. scream until you collapse...

lay in bed and hold your muscles taunt until your veins pound and your blood burns... you mouth wide in a never ending silent scream... you can almost feel a power welling up inside you and it leaves.. you want to ask why.. but to who.. there certainly isnt a god. maybe in someone elses life.. but not in mine.

how do you survive with such a weight on your chest.. with such anger and hatred? not even love can take it away.. maybe for a day.. or two. but it comes back.. and you remember everything. your brought back to your reality only to realize its not what you should have.. why would you be given such a raw deal?....

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Fantasy is only as as fake as your body wants it to be.