Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A: Shoot him again.

Q: How can you tell if a man is well-hung?
A: When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck & the noose.

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: Because they're practicing to be men.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1 - he just holds it up there & waits for the world to revolve around him (or) 3 - 1 to screw in the bulb & 2 to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath & calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A: Not one will stop to ask directions.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What's the difference between men & women?
A: A woman wants 1 man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his 1 need.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs & diamonds.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your email?
A: Rename the folder "Instructions Manuals".

Q. How's the only way to get a girlfriend in today's society?
A: You have to have at least 1 of 2 big things - & one of them is a wallet!!
Irish

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

Cute. Made me think of this one ...

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning. About 9:00 P.M. he finally said to his ife, "Dear, I think I've come up with the perfect sermon! I'm going to give a sermon about horseback riding!"

She said, "Don't be silly! You can't give a sermon about horseback riding!"

He replied, "Well, it's going to have to do because I've preached on just about every other subject I can think of."

The next morning as they were driving to church, she said, "I can't believe that you're insisting on doing this! You know, if you're going to give that silly sermon on horseback riding, I'm just going to stay in the car during the service."

He said, "OK, then, suit yourself!", so, she stayed in the car.

Entering church before the service, the preacher had a sudden inspiration and gave a hellfire and brimstone sermon on SEX that just had the congregation in awe. As the congregation filed out of the church, some of the members saw his wife sitting in the car and approached her window.

One of them said, "Wow! You just missed the best sermon your husband has ever given!"

She said, "Yeah, right! What does he know about it! He talks big but he's only tried it twice in his life! Once before we were married and once after, and he fell off both times!"

Boy... yall have some good ones today. Thanks

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I am here for only a short time on this earth. My goal is to make everyone I see smile if only for a moment.