I know this may sound crazy, but please take the time to think about it and give me an answer.

If you're lying in bed next to your sexual partner and one night you're feeling frisky, but she is too tired and doesn't want to do anything, is it wrong to masturbate yourself off?

She says it is disrespectful, but I disagree. In fact, it has nothing to do with respect. I don't understand how you can have sex with someone one day, as well as send each other nude "action" photos and have phone sex when you're not together, then one night when she isn't "in the mood" you become the bad guy because you got yourself off "in your own bed, in your own house." She says I should have gone to another room and done it because she was right there. It didn't bother her when she wanted pics of me doing it or on the phone, but because she was next to me it was wrong. Am I wrong? Am I a bad guy? Hell, I've had other girlfriends tell me to do it on my own when they were too tired or not feeling up to it.

Dean... I see absolutely nothing wrong with your actions (in fact I would soooo invite you into my bed LOL)

I can see tho (knowing where I was before my sexual journey), that maybe for this particular gf of yours, having you do so makes her feel guilty.. and maybe a weeeee bit inadequit. Just a guess... but I know long ago.. I would be hurt when I discovered my ex husband doing such things. NOT because he was wrong.. but because I was. Make sense?

Thankfully I have reached a different sexual awareness from this journey of mine... my ex husband would piss his pants if he had any idea the sexual awakening I have had since we parted... but then again.. not so sure I would have ever had it had it not been for my divorce.

Dean, did you include her in any way, by talking to her or at least looking at her while you did it? Maybe she was concerned about your fantasies at the time. Just a thought.

Any chance you'd want to come out to Delaware??? Now that I'm single, that is... lol.

Personally, I think she was just using this as an excuse to end things... but who knows, I've been wrong before.... which is why I had to ask the question up above.

My (now) ex tries to say she is open-minded when it comes to sex, but I tend to differ. All she can say about the situation is that I shouldn't have done it in front of her. Yet having me send her pics of it is ok... I don't know. I give up.

Ironwood,
I would have included her, but she really didn't want anything to do with it that night. She said she was too tired and didn't want to do anything (yet she knew I was aroused because we had been spooning and I was poking her from behind...lol).

I think it is not disrespectful masturbating in front of her. But what she says is not clear enough for me. She did not explain what the problem is. Is it because you are getting satisfied during she can´t / does not want? Is it because she does not want to see it? Is it because she claims all your thoughts of arousal to her own person but cannot control your fantasies?
I can´t put the finger on it, but I think she is not very clear about what she wants. Ask her. And if she gives you an answer it will be easier recognizing if she is right or if you are.
I cannot find anything bad about it.

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If every material thing is gone, my smile and my tears stay left.

Dean---Considering;your exs;and your other exchanges before;I
don't see that you did anything wrong.My wife&I engaged in mutual masturbation;when we were dating.(Our means of birth-
control)In those days;noone admitted;that they did so alone.After
marriage;we both admitted that we did so alone.Since then;we both incourage;the other to masturbate.Sexual drive is strong;
and we would both prefer;that the other;relieve oneself rather
than go to another!For example;my sex drive;is much greater then hers.The only thing that she wouldn't approve of;is if I fantasized;about another and she knew it.It sounds like your ex;
was looking for an excuse;to be your ex! Irish
P.S.My $.02.

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

Thanks for the reply... You start to question yourself sometimes, even when you truly think you're right. It's good to hear that at least someone out there agrees with me.

GermanSteve ~ You were asking what her reasons were... according to her, masturbation should not be performed in the same room as your partner unless they are actively participating with you. I told her this doesn't make sense (for several reasons).... but one of them is the fact that she has a kid, and if they were to move in with me (2 bedroom house) and she didn't want to have sex.... where would I go???? I can't go sneaking around my own house, trying to find a place to hide so I can masturbate and not get caught by her or her child. Like I said, I think she was looking for an excuse.

Dean, definitely an excuse. Most women who claim to be open-minded about sex would be more than happy to watch you get off. Plus, you sound like a pretty considerate kind of guy, so I'm guessing that if you thought she would get offended, you wouldn't have done it in the first place. I say you're probably better off without her

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I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the truth of imagination. What the imagination seizes as beauty must be truth - whether it existed before or not.
-John Keats

Sometimes, I've been touching myself without doing it consciously . . . it's natural, it shouldn't cause problems in your relationship. Is she standoffish in general?

You broke up because of that? Well that is probably a good thing since she obviously isn't an understanding person. This only averted more heart ache later.

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Man who go through turnstile sidesways is going to Bangkok.

I don't see a problem with that, it's surly not disrespectful, it's just pleasurable release. If he don't want to help, or i him, it's got to be released some how.

This is an OPINION, not a FACT. So I guess finally you are not discussing about global respect or not (although it sounded like that). You are discussing about (her) taste and opinion and your reaction on that.
(But to say the truth: for me it sounds also like an excuse.)

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If every material thing is gone, my smile and my tears stay left.

I can't see anything wrong with it.............actually I would find that a hugh turn on if my partner started to do that.......
HELL!!!!!!!!!! ....that would drive me insane.....I just love to hear my partners voice during any sort of sexual activity......sends me into a frenzy......

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~ Nikki ~

"In love there are no rules".......Bono

KateKate ~ I agree with you. I don't think she has an open mind about it like she says.

Steph ~ No, she didn't seem to be standoffish. In fact, we ended up sleeping together the first time we met. I think she just got tired of me.

Thinker ~ I agree with you (and thank you for your response).

Quax ~ That's the same way I (and other girlfriends I've had) have thought about it.

GermanSteve ~ No, I guess it wasn't global respect... although, I feel better knowing that I'm getting a global opinion to my problem...lol.

Nikki ~ The worst part is that it had nothing to do about being respectful or disrespectful... it was about release... which we had physically shared together at other times. I didn't talk to her, cuz she wanted to sleep...lol. That's why she told me "no" in the first place.