Still doesn't sound like they're friends, just friendly aquaintances or even just "someone I hang out with," which is not the same catagory of person as is a friend.

I'll add this, as well, though. We tailor our conversations all the time to be considerate of others. You don't tell jokes about the company in front of the owner, for example. You don't scream "fire" in the theatre, even if it would be funny.

If you can hold those forms of jokes to a minimum around those friends, you aren't hurting anything. They DO have the right to tell you their boundaries and ask you not to cross them in an aggressive manner. Granted, you have the right to cross them anyhow, but the consequence may be that they begin to avoid you, and the friends you do want to see drift away with them, because through continuing it, you have forced them to choose... this friend or that one?

Also, remember this. You are the sum total of everything that you are. Because someone is offended by sexual innuendo, for example, doesn't mean they don't very clearly see your generous and friendly nature. Or your sincerity, or worthiness to be trusted. The many, varied, and endless variety of other things which make you who you are instead of someone else. Does what color you like your socks matter? Would you be heartbroken and feel rejected if the boss said, "from now on, wear blue socks."? It is a small part of your personality that you like brown socks. One small aspect of the wondrous and varied being you are. Even if you wear brown socks, you're still the same joking, easy-going, caring person. That's not changed simply because one aspect of your personality causes and abrasive friction with someone else. You retain the hopes, the dreams, the fears, the personality that you have, even if some small part of it is "no thanks" to some common aquaintances. They are not asking you to become someone else, to lose your personality. They are giving you fair, honest, and sincere warning, "If this continues, it will push me away" and face it... the others may follow.

It's a healthy boundary they are trying to establish with you. They are trying to help you to get along with them better. They are explaining how something you do feels like an aggressive attack on them and causes them great discomfort.

You can certainly choose to ignore this. You can certainly say that they are being babies and thinking everything is about them. You have the right to tell them to "suck it up" or even to "go to hell." Is it worth it? Which is easier, let that one small, insignificant part of your whole hide while they are around, or stand on "principle" of what your "rights" are, and possibly lose an entire circle of friends over it?

Keep in mind, though, when the "catagory" is not clear, then you can only do so much, and if you give it fair effort, then it becomes they who are being unreasonable, and this, your friends will see, as well, if they are intelligent and worth keeping.

Belial....... you can call me a redneck anytime you want. See if I give a shit.
Just don't call me late for supper.

__________________
I am here for only a short time on this earth. My goal is to make everyone I see smile if only for a moment.

Sweetlady,

All very valid points again, but, again, I have to say that the argument swings both ways.

If Belial's humour is such an insignificant part of him as a whole, can't these people overlook it?

I work in a very lively office where there is a huge amount of banter, sexual innuendo and A LOT of swearing. One of my colleagues in particular cannot go through a day without saying the word 'cunt' at least three times, accusing other male colleagues of being gay just because it winds them up and taking the piss out of just about every race on the planet. He also makes sexist jokes and teases just about everyone mercilessly.

I also work with a middle aged black female Jehovah's Witness, who chooses to live her life without doing any of the above things, presumably because she feels they are wrong and that they would be offensive. However, she thinks the world of our vulgar colleague since he's genuinely a very kind, polite person and not a thing that comes out of his mouth is meant to be taken seriously. Just the other day she said to him, 'You're a very poite man, aren't you Dave?' as he has a good telephone manner and is very good at putting people at their ease.

My point is that consideration and toleration does have to go both ways, and if it can work in the extreme example I have given here, then I don't see why other less extreme personalities can't get along just fine.....it's all about live and let live.

__________________
"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

Because he is actively causing friction. He is striking against something that obviously distresses them, and quite simply doesn't care. Expecting the whole world to be jehovah's witnesses that ignore all rudeness and hatefulness from other people isn't really very realistic.

If someone went around poking someone in the ribs with a stick, we wouldn't berate the pokee for not tolerating it. But if it's verbal or mental poking, then suddenly the person on the recieving end is the one at fault for objecting. I wonder.

EDIT: By the way, I DO feel differently about "friends" or "constant aquaintances" like coworkers. That is what I am talking about, not just general people you'll pass by or encounter only at rare times. No, it's not reasonable to expect that you know what will offend people you don't know. But to deliberately attack friends with something you know bothers them because you think it's funny is wrong. That's my opinion. I don't do it. I don't stay around people who do it for very long. That's not a good friend, in my opinion.

Where in any of Belial's posts has he said he was 'actively causing friction' or 'deliberately attacking friends with something he knows bothers them because he thinks it's funny'?

I can see you feel strongly about this and have obviously had some personal experience of it, but just because you've got pain from other people's behaviour to you, it's never wise to assume you know exactly what happened in another case if you weren't even there.

__________________
"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

Well Belial all I can say is to each his own. If they don't like your humor they can always walk away. Unless you have tied them to the chair. LOL.

I like you and your humor Belial.

Read his first post. He has stated that they are offended, he does it anyhow. However, I have also qualified my reactions because he also said that it's not a clear area, thus making it hard to avoid accurately, and that this would be somewhat different, but still worth trying. Deliberately making jokes that you know to be offensive to people is a form of attack. Worse, if it's at their expense, which there is no indication whatsoever that he is doing.

I'm afraid I'm still inclined to disagree.

If Belial has to make a deliberate attempt not to crack jokes that would offend his acquaintances, how can it be said that he was deliberately making the jokes?

He is simply being himself, not going out of his way to offend people. Even if he tried to modify his behaviour, there would be the odd moment where he would lapse, so he sees little point in bothering.

And how about the fact that he is being attacked by being told he is 'sick' and should grow up? Hasn't anyone told his acquaintances that name calling is not a very grown up thing to do and that 'going off in a huff' is certainly not either. How about a more grown up reaction from the people he's offended? What's wrong with them saying 'I'm sorry Belial, but I find what you've said offensive' rather than just calling him a name, dispensing some impossible to follow advice (how on earth does someone just 'grow up'?) and then storming off, before he's had a chance to apologise, defend himself or anything.

By the way, Belial, I do apologise that I keep talking about you to Sweetlady as though you aren't here! You know I love ya! x

__________________
"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !