I'm sure it's been asked a hundred times on here, but now it's my turn.

When a woman tells a man, "I love you" are there any tell-tale signs to indicate that she truly means it...that she truly FEELS the love she is expressing, as she is saying the words or otherwise??? PLEASE help me to know.

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I wish all the ladies were pies on the shelf...and I was the baker because I'd eat them all myself.
I wish all the ladies were potholes in the road...and I was a dumptruck because I'd fill them with my load.

Love is a verb. If someone loves you, you know it. It feels like it's being done properly. That could mean it's wonderful or it could mean it hurts like a mother fuck. If you think the person is being insincere first ask yourself if you are setting yourself up for failure...peeps do that a lot...especially when they feel unworthy of love. Then if you are sure that the barrier to your acceptance of her feelings is not you, then you may be correct to think her misguided. But if it feels right then don't let anything prevent you from allowing happiness to find you.

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
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One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
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1.) How soon is it? Too soon is nearly always bad. I'm sure someone will come along behind me and say how they met and married 2 days later and have been together 100 years since, and their love has kept them alive into their 140's and whatever. Goodie for them. 99% of people who latch onto someone the minute they see them are extremely dysfunctional. Don't bet on being the 1% who will find the person who you marry 2 days after meeting them and live happily ever after.

2.) Does she show it? Showing it more important than saying it. Does she show it HER WAY? Part of your issue may be your expectations. You expect her to show it YOUR way. Does she bring you a bowl of cereal every single day, even though you hate cereal but haven't told her yet? Your fault for not telling her, by the way, but keep in mind, she's showing her love by bringing it to you. The rest is your problem.

3.) Did she say it easily? Easy come, easy go. It was easy to say with the last 5 guys she desperately loved and couldn't live without, either. Maybe not, but don't dismiss the practical reality of the likelihood.

4.) When she says it, does she look you in the face? If she can't look you in the face when she expresses any strong emotions, but can when she says that, she's lying. If she can look you in the face to express other strong emotions, but not when she says that, she's lying.

5.) Like Lilith said, are you just being paranoid and setting yourself up here?

6.) Last but not least. Love is a choice, and active, moment by moment decision. Part of that choice is to choose to trust that person. To take their statements at face value, without qualifying or second guessing. This honesty is INTEGRAL to a true, genuine loving relationship. "Does she mean it?" If she said it, assume she meant it. If she lied, SHE OWNS THAT, you don't. She didn't want you to think "do I look okay in this dress?" to mean "do I look okay TO YOU in this dress?" then she should have said, "Am I fat, is everyone going to stare at me, OMG, should I change into something less sexy? HELP, WHAT SHOULD I WEAR???" If you don't respond "correctly" that's because you couldn't read her mind, and she'd better wake the hell up and realize that if she ever wants to have a real relationship. You better wake up and treat her like what she says is what she means, or you'll spend a lifetime thinking "what the fuck??" all the time. No offense intended. Don't read into things. make her be honest.

7.) Be honest with her. To do this, you must be honest with you. That's not easy.

8.) Why are you asking this? For which answer are you hoping, honestly, under all the bullshit? Do you hope she is, or hope she isn't? Why?

Love is a big thing....but it's easy to love some people. It is for me. I am too open with people and just love them. I think when you care about someone you most likely automatically love them.

Don't you rush into anything either. Feel it out....see what's going on....good luck and have fun!

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~Tainted Love~

I agree, with Sweetlady, love is a choice. Has she chosen? Have you? Moslty I think love is expressed in giving, to each other. If there is all give and just take on her part is not love, in my opinion, but if she gives back to you, give it a shot! Also if you are holding back giving to her, you probably should question what is going on.

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Susan

Hmmm.....I agree with everything that's already been said...but I'm gonna try this with my own spin on it.

How can you verify that when she says she loves you, she really really means it? You can't. There are things in this world that can't be measured like that. Faith and Love are two of the biggies. It's part of what makes them so damned scary.

If you feel the need to check, it tells me that you've already got doubts. You're hanging out with an insiteful bunch of folks, it's not common for people to realize that those doubts can either arise from her actions or your insecurities. From the outside, with what we have to go on, we can't tell the difference. From the inside, you stand a better chance, but it's still not an easy diagnosis. It requires honesty of a terribly mature caliber. I know, in my heart, when my doubts come from inside me when they apply equally to everyone in the world around me. If I NEVER believed that anyone could mean it when they said they loved me....I'd look to myself first for the heart of the problem.

If she's given you reason to doubt, well....you're well on the way to answering your own question. All the love in the world isn't going to hold a relationship together if someone doesn't act in a loving way. Someone told me that love is something that's _between_ two people, and it made a lot of sense. If I love someone, and never act on it, never tell them, never touch their lives in any way, then that love is stillborn in a very real sense. Likewise, if someone tells me they love me while making me miserable, undermining my self esteem, or otherwise destroying my world....it doesn't count. What they feel is less important than how they behave. Most battered women will tell you that their abuser claimed to love them. The same bull is fed to many abused children. So if the reason you're unsure about her proclamation is that her actions are inconsistent with her statement of love (not necessarily all the way to abusive...but not loving), well...you've gotta go carefully.

But I'd be gentle with her too...most people who tell you they love you, the ones that aren't downright sociopathic, really do believe that they love you. They may be wrong, they may not understand what love really is or requires. But they think they're telling you the truth. And someone who believes a lie can be a very very convincing witness.

Mostly though, you'll never ever know. Not in the way you mean. I know my guy loves me because of the years we've spent and the little actions that fill them. I'd know if he'd never said the words (although, thank your deity of choice, he says them lots). You'll know that way too...in time. But you'll never know at any given moment just because of the way someone says those words.

Hope this helps....or at least made some kind of sense.

G

the first time i told my lover i loved him was the very first time i ever rode his cock. we had been together several times over 3 months, but our lovemaking was always missionary or doggie. i had felt in my heart that i loved him, but being in that particular position and feeling what i was feeling, i had to blurt it out. luckily a few months later, he told me he loved me. which meant a lot. because he didn't rush to say it. he had to feel it before he said it. i really don't think someone would actual say it if they didnt' mean it. it's just too strong of an emotion to fake.

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All the beauty of nature can be found in a single butterfly.

Unless you think that she's trying to get something from you that can only be got by saying 'I love you', you can guarantee that she thinks she means it.

But remember 'I love you' does not necessarily mean 'I love you and I always will and I'll never leave'. Feelings change.....even very very deep and sincere ones. Unfortunately there's no way of ever protecting against hurt, and a woman who tells you she loves you is not making future promises, she's saying: 'This is how I feel about you right here and now/'

Romantic love is NOT unconditional like the love you receive from your mother - your actions and behaviour affect how she feels about you now and in the future.....worth remembering if you're trying to work out whether this is 'the one' or not.

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"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

Thank all of you for the very in depth & insightful feedback...

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I wish all the ladies were pies on the shelf...and I was the baker because I'd eat them all myself.
I wish all the ladies were potholes in the road...and I was a dumptruck because I'd fill them with my load.

As the song says... "the truth is in the eyes, cuz the eyes don't lie..."

I probably sound sappy, but I believe those words. Look into her eyes, I think you'll see the answer there.

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Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN


It's no trick loving somebody at their best. Love is loving them at their worst.
~Tom Stoppard~


It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
~George Burns~


As bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.
~A. DiFranco~

It's in the eyes but it is also in everything she does and says. If the signs are all there, its not hard to tell.

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Lots of people talk and few of them know, soul of a woman was created below

I can't get through to her 'cause it doesn't permit
But I'm gonna give her everything I've got to give.

I hear your sweet voice calling
out my name
As I stare from a six foot cell
And from beyond I heard the words
Deceptively Yours

Thank each and every one of your for your replies, but I am beginning to think that the eyes really do tell lies!!!

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I wish all the ladies were pies on the shelf...and I was the baker because I'd eat them all myself.
I wish all the ladies were potholes in the road...and I was a dumptruck because I'd fill them with my load.