What do you do in case of fallout?





Put it back in and take shorter strokes...

Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish accent, "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake."

When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our five hour flight."

Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available."

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Eudaimonia

Love it!

MURPHY'S OTHER 14 LAWS

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from California would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it for the other foot.

11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14 . God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.

HS Reunion*

Husband takes the wife to her high school reunion.
*
After meeting several of her friends and former school mates,
they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.
The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance.
*
There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing,
moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.*
*
Wife turns to her husband and says,
"See that guy?* 25 years ago, he proposed to me and I turned him down."*
*
Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"
*

Why studying is better than sex-1

10. You can usually find someone to do it with.
9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.
8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.
7. When you open a book, you don`t have to worry about who else has opened it.
6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.
5. If you don`t finish a chapter you won`t gain a reputation as a "book teaser."
4. You can do it, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.
3. You don`t get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.
2. You don`t have to put your beer down to do it.
1. If you aren`t sure what you`re doing, you can always ask your roommate for help.

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I like Eugene's answer.

Did You Ever Wonder Why Earrings Became So Popular With Men?



A Man Is At Work One Day When He Notices His Co-worker Is Wearing An Earring.

The Man Knows His Co-worker To Be A Normally A Conservative Fellow And
Is Curious About His Sudden Change In "fashion Sense."

The Man Walks Up To Him And Says, "i Didn't Know You Were Into Earrings."

"don't Make Such A Big Deal, It's Only An Earring," He Replies Sheepishly.

His Friend Falls Silent For A Few Minutes, But Then His Curiosity
Prods Him To Ask, "so, How Long Have You Been Wearing One?"

"ever Since My Wife Found It In My Truck."

I Always Wondered How This Trend Got Started

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So that's how it happened.

What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?

A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children.

A 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.

EXAMINATION FOR ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE....It takes less than 15 seconds

If you are male and over 60 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test.

How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?

1. _ _NDOM

2. F_ _K

3. P_N_S

4. PU_S_

5. S_X

6. BOO_S








Answers:

1. RANDOM

2. FORK

3. PANTS

4. PULSE

5. SIX

6. BOOKS


You got all 6 wrong...didn't you?

The good news is:

You do NOT have Alzheimer's Disease.

You are a pervert.

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A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact.

“Nancy, Nancy?”

"Is that you, Ray?”

“Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

“That's wonderful! What's it like?”

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.*


Then I have lunch (you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course.*⛳️*


Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.”

"Oh, Ray! Are you in Heaven?"

“No, I'm a rabbit somewhere in Arizona."*

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much..
Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest tits.


Men are like that, you know.

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Hmmmm. Sounds llike a logical decision to me. What other choice could he have made.