Did the other passengers object?

Yes, but I got MY ride home. It was up to one of them to take it the next step.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

An old married couple was at home watching TV.

The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:

"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"

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Joke I saw today, not for the politically sensitive.





• Today, in an opinion poll, I was asked ‘If you could eliminate a race from the 2012 Olympics, which would it be?’ I said ‘Irish or Asians’. Apparently most people said the 10,000 metres!!

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

I received this in an email and thought it was funny. Might rub some the wrong way, if it does I do apologize.


A WHITE GUY IS WALKING ALONG A BEACH WHEN HE COMES ACROSS A LAMP PARTIALLY BURIED IN THE SAND. HE PICKS UP THE LAMP AND GIVES IT A RUB.
>
> TWO BLONDE GENIES APPEAR, AND THEY TELL HIM HE HAS BEEN GRANTED THREE WISHES.
>
> THE GUY MAKES HIS THREE WISHES AND THE BLONDE GENIES DISAPPEAR.
>
> THE NEXT THING THE GUY KNOWS, HE'S IN A BEDROOM, IN A GOLF-COURSE MANSION , SURROUNDED BY 50 BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.
>
> AFTER HE MAKES LOVE TO ALL OF THEM, HE BEGINS TO EXPLORE THIS FABULOUS HOUSE.
>
> SUDDENLY HE FEELS SOMETHING SOFT UNDER HIS FEET, HE LOOKS DOWN AND THE FLOOR IS COVERED IN $100 BILLS.
>
> THEN, THERE'S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.
>
> HE ANSWERS IT AND STANDING THERE ARE TWO PERSONS DRESSED IN KU KLUX KLAN OUTFITS. THEY DRAG HIM OUTSIDE TO THE NEAREST TREE, THROW A ROPE OVER A LIMB AND HANG HIM BY THE NECK UNTIL HE'S DEAD.
>
>
> AS THE KLANSMEN ARE WALKING AWAY, THEY REMOVE THEIR HOODS. IT'S THE TWO BLONDE GENIES.
>
>
> ONE BLONDE GENIE SAYS TO THE OTHER ONE, 'I CAN UNDERSTAND THE FIRST WISH HAVING ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN A BIG MANSION TO MAKE LOVE TO.
>
> I CAN ALSO UNDERSTAND HIM WANTING TO BE A MILLIONAIRE.
>
> BUT WHY HE WANTED TO BE HUNG LIKE A BLACK GUY IS BEYOND ME.'

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"BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Will he offer me his mouth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his teeth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his jaws? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Again, will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes! GIRL: Yes. BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Yes. BOY: I bet you say that to all the boys!" -Meatloaf

4 old retired guys are walking down a street near NC State in Raleigh, North Carolina. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents.” They look at each other and then go in, thinking, This is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, “Good afternoon - glad you came in; What'll it be, gentlemen?"


There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis—shaken, not stirred—and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck.

They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.

Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"

"I'm a retired tailor from Charlotte," the bartender says, “and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer—it's all the same."

"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "They're retired people from Florida. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price."

Very good DB.

After being married for years......a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her slowly...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H....
I, J, K."
She asks..... "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous,Hot.
She smiled happily and said...."Oh, that's so lovely.....
What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

His eye is still swollen....but it will get better.........

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

Love it.

President Obama went to an elementary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offered question time.

One little boy put up his hand and the President asked him his name.

" Walter," responded the little boy.

"And what is your question, Walter ?"

"I have 4 questions:

First, why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?
Second, why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's actually worse?
Third, why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about his preachings and beliefs?
Fourth, why are we so worried about Brazil drilling for oil, but we aren't allowed to?"

Just then, the bell rang for recess. Obama informed the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resumed, Obama said, "OK, where were we? Oh, that 's right: question time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him his name.

"Steve," he responds.

"And what is your question, Steve?"

Actually, I have 6 questions.

First, why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?
Second, why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's actually worse?
Third, why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about his preachings and beliefs?
Fourth, why are we so worried about Brazil drilling for oil, but we aren't allowed to?
Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And sixth, what happened to Walter ?

Walter is what we like to call "black bagged". He no longer exists for the same reasons that Steve no longer exists. He called the President of the United States on various things that ought not be discussed.

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"BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Will he offer me his mouth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his teeth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his jaws? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Again, will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes! GIRL: Yes. BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Yes. BOY: I bet you say that to all the boys!" -Meatloaf

You are such a cynic Lord Snow. Lord Snow? Lord Snow? Has anyone seen lord Snow?

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

Leaving Work Early

Three women all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed that the boss left work early. One day, the women decided that, when the boss left, they would leave early, too. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how could she possibly know they left early. The brunette was delighted to get home early. She did a little gardening, spent some play time with her son and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The third woman was happy to get early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss. Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again and they asked their co-worker if she was going to go with them. "No way!" she exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."

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it's only kinky the first time

it's not the orgasm but getting there thats fun

a shot in the bush is worth two in the hand

whip me, beat me, tie me up, break my arm, but please don't break my heart

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid people are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt" -Bertrand Russell

Must have been a blond.

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"BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Will he offer me his mouth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his teeth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his jaws? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Again, will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes! GIRL: Yes. BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Yes. BOY: I bet you say that to all the boys!" -Meatloaf

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:


Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed..

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! ; There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating