I have been a fly on the wall for about a year now. But I need some advice. I have two things I need help with. Let me say my fiancé and I have great communication. We can talk about anything and everything. We have a great sex life. We make love 5-8 times a week. We both have orgasms on a regular bases.

1. I hate it when my fiancé talks about her past sex life. It makes me sick to my stomach. I know her history and we did talk about it. But it still makes me sick. When she told me about a 3some she had several years ago I was sick. But I knew she had one. So months later she makes a comment about it again and it made me sick. I told her that I didn’t like it and she understands. So the question is “am I being unreasonable about this?”
2. My fiancé loves her little silver bullet. I don’t ... I don’t mind her using it while we are making love. But I don’t like it all the time. I understand I can’t vibrate on her clit while I am inside her. Hell i cant vibrate at all. She is multiple orgasmic and never has a problem cumming. But it hurts my feeling when she uses the bullet all the time. Like I am not good in bed. I can tell you this. She is the only woman I have ever been with that I have made cry from an orgasm. Like last night she was crying from it. I know that the bullet or toys don’t do this.


So am I just being an insecure idiot and need to just deal and get over it? or am I just a normal guy and me talking (which I have) to her about it is enough?

All opinions are welcomed…

Hocque

1) I think many people feel insecure about their lover's past. But it's their past and they choose today to be with you.

2) Vibes are addictive. Gets to be easy to come with one and difficult without one.

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Thank you Lilith

She doesnt have a problem cumming. She says it adds to the pleasure so much more.

Hocque

On the first issue - accept that the situations she talks about are in the past, and as lilith mentioned - she is with you now. However, in your defense - I think if you have explained to her that it makes you uncomfortable (which I could see why) and she continues to do it then you have a whole 'nother problem entirely.

On the second situation - vibes are addicting. My bf had a problem with it in the beginning because sometimes I would just want so bad to reach for the bullet in the middle of sex. What can I say, its like cigarette addiction! I would think "boy this is great, but if I could feel that vibe on my clit it would be better". He eventaully learned not to hate it so much, and I learned not to use it so much (because it was making him feel like you feel). I would suggest a compromise.

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Would you like more sex with that?

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.

I get very apprehensive when I am about to offer my opinion in the advice section - so please this is just an opinion.

No, you are not an idiot and no don't do the age-old male Ostrich act and deal with it. Relationships (especially when you are making a marriage comittment) are a two way street.

I have spent the last twenty years learning to be more sensitive about what other people feel. What I have thick skin over, someone else may be highly sensitive about and vice versa (I haven't got a licence in this yet though). If you are the normal guy you say, then you will upset your fiance over something that you consider utterly trivial. There should be a resounding "amen brother" from all the guys at this point

This site constantly throws things up and I have never seen it said that Vibes are addctive. But again this is a sensitivity issue that your Fiance needs not to take for granted. Whilst she may need to realise the reality of being let loose in the candy store, you would do well to treat this threat as an opportunity - you have a sexually liberated Fiance who loves sex - you have (if you let it) lots of time to grow to know each other - it takes time and the journey is great fun.

Good Luck.

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Vigil, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.

Madam, if you were my wife, I would take it.

1) I think it is entirely normal to feel the way you do about your fiancees past. You won't be the first guy to feel like it and you certainly won't be the last. However, it is your problem, and I don't think the answer is telling her not to mention it. It's part of her past, it has helped to make her the person she is, and you need to accept it, not try to pretend it never happened. You need to realise that she is a person that has existed on this planet since before she knew you, and that she has a life of her own, just as you do. Being jealous over her past is both futile and arrogant, and she should not be in a position where she feels she can't mention it, because to do that is to deny part of herself.

2) Again, I can understand that you may feel insecure, that somehow your fiancee prefers the vibe to you, but ask yourself why, if the vibe is so good, that she bothers having sex with you at all. The answer, I imagine, is that you can provide plenty of things both sexually, and emotionally, that the toy cannot. Adding the toy, just heightens the experience even more, in the same way that you may find sex even more stimulating if she happens to be wearing a certain thing (or perhaps even if you were having sex while watching pornography or something). She loves you, is attracted to you and obviously has great sex with you, so I think your insecurities, while understandable, are completely unfounded. It's a battery powered object, so try to keep some perspective on it. Given the choice, I'm sure she'd pick you, but there's really no reason why she should choose. If you are concerned about being the best lover you can possibly be, the best way to become that is to accept your fiancee's vibrator and allow it to enhance her sexual experiences.

In both cases, I think you should (diplomatically) share your insecurities with her, but in a way that makes it clear that you are not blaming her for them, that you realise that it's your problem, but that you are working on dealing with it, so that she can be sensitive to the situation, without taking ownership of the problem.

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"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

why are you jealous of the toy?

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I am here for only a short time on this earth. My goal is to make everyone I see smile if only for a moment.

Paprclphd thank you for the advice

Vigil thank you I understand what your saying. I have great communication with her and that is what counts.

Loulabelle thank you for keeping it real. You made alot of sence and i understand that her past is just that. I tell her that its not a bad thing and she should never be sorry for anything that happend before me and I explain how i feel about it. Nothing negative to her. Its my brain and it makes me think way too much in the bedroom while we are having sex. Yupper its all my problem atm.

Cowgirltease well its more of a "why cant I be the best without it" type issue. I understand that I have nothing that can vibe like the bullet and I know for a fact that she has a problem cumming without me in bed with her. So its a pety male thing maybe. It would be like if man would want to watch porn everytime he had sex with a woman since it makes it better. I am sure the woman would feel the same way.

THANK YOU AGAIN ALL!!!!

Hocque

Hocque...what's important is that she's with you now. If you tell her that though you don't hold it against her, hearing about some of the more personal details does bother you, she should understand and tone it down.

My wife loves her silver bullet. We don't use it all the time, but if we did...I might have the same thoughts running through my head. You're normal. On the one hand, you want her to have fantastic sex and screaching orgasms...and the bullet helps to enhance the experience. On the other hand, you'd like to have "regular" sex once in awhile too. Another example of good communication. Your comparison of it to a guy wanting to watch porn every time he's having sex is a great one. Ask her to skip the bullet once in awhile...just for you. I mean, if you two are getting married there will be plenty of time for bullet sex in the future, right? It's not like she'd be wasting limited resources. ha ha

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Though I am different from you,
We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

WildIrish Thank you, that is what I think also. I should say that isnt like she is talking about her past all the time. She doesnt do it often at all. Just bothers my head when she does. =) and its the thinking one that it bothers.

We dont use the bullet all the time. But i do know she would love too use it all the time if she could. But she understands how I feel.

Thank you again...

Hocque

Ok.... Honestly, Like so many before said, I think every guy has insecurities. of course, each guy has a different one.

1) I, in the past was very annoied with my s/o, and he talking about her past. Matter of fact, she still had guys calling her after I moved in. And they knew I was with her! Fact is, She is choosing to be with you. yes, the past can hurt. It sometimes will make you hurt or get sick, more than other times. But that's all that it is. The Past. You can't change it. Why worry? Get happy, that it's the past, and not now, and let your woman sit on your happy face. If she still did it, without you, and you found out, That'd be a problem. BUt seeing as how it was past material, just let it die and fade away with the past. After all, why dwell on it if it's painful to you? Also- That past may have helped her become whom she is now. She may have learned things from that past that is essential to whom she is now with you, in your private moments together. Your whole like if a learning expirence. "You can either run from it, or learn from it."

2) The toy, simply is a TOY. Matteries, and plastic. if you're letting a piece of plastic ruin your sex life, You're in sad shape, my friend. lol.
Anyways- My s/o has a Bullet/rabbit. She uses it every now and then, but I don't mind, as long as she's using it with me, and not by herself. I wanna be there to enjoy it as much as she is. And when she does use it, I want her to use it because i know it makes her happy. IF I've learned one thing from relationships : "if she ain't hapy, You ain't happy, And if she ain't happy long enough, You're gonna be unhappy with half your stuff."
Now, only half of that applies here : "If she ain't happy, You ain't happy." Whether you like it or not, relationships are 2 sided. Not a single one can work without another person. Yes, you have skills that a toy doesn't, BUt that toy has skills you dont. if you're uncomfortable with what that toy is doing for her, You've gotta step it up, and do what you do better! Make her forget about it!
or, you can do what I do : Use every toy you can find, make it so incredible for her, You'll blow her mind. I think it's sexy when my woman helps me get off. So help her! I know she'd appreciate it more than you getting aggrivated at her by using them.

Than again, that's just my opinion.
GOOD LUCK!

May The Force Be With You!

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........Who wants some? >: |

MasterAragornSting Thank you...I guess i am making a mtn over a mole hill.

Let me say nothing is ever ruin. We have a great sex life. Just im a idot sometimes and thinks too much.

I know she loves me and would give the bullet up for me. I just need to understand that it helps to take the "O" to another level.

I guess I also want to hear I was normal.

=)

Thank you all again...you gals and guys are great support.

Hocque

Sweety, you're much better than normal. A normal guy would've bottled it up or let the idea fester...or gone through all sorts of nonsense before asking for help or just facing the problem head on.

That you're willing to ask, understand, and reach for a compromise that makes your girl happy speaks very well of you. You'll fit in well with the wonderful guys we have around here .

Thank you Ginger you might have given me just what i needed to hear. =)

Hocque

I can't add a single bit of better advice to that....and so I won't even try! All was said and sorted and accepted and I think you'll be just fine Hocque!

But.....I do have to say........Welcum to the wonderful world of posting and replying! Please don't go back from whence you came.....as I can tell from just this tid-bit of a thread that you'll love it here much better on this side of the fence! I hope to see you round the boards hun!

*hugs*

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