AV not to worry I am not pressuring her. I am merely gathering info and advice for her. So she can make her own decission.

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My stories
An erotic story
The instructor and student
Secretary learns how to take a dicktation
The story of sister stephanie

Well well, now this thread is starting to really gather some momentum. Keep it coming people.

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My stories
An erotic story
The instructor and student
Secretary learns how to take a dicktation
The story of sister stephanie

I didn't think that I would come back here either, but I have a personal experience, or journey if you will, that I want to share with you Mark that I hope will maybe have you understand her relunctance or "block" as you call it and the curiosity.

When I married Cobalt I was ignorant and a prude about certain aspects of sexuality or "kink" as some call it here . He, being a very sexual person, exposed me to many different ideas and I did explore them through reading, internet and books, because I was curious. However, my level of curiosity didn't match my comfort level. Because of a past relationship, I was totally against porn (mags, vids, etc.) He wanted to discuss what I was discovering because it interested him. At times, I felt as if he were pushing me to try things out and I wasn't really sure if I was ready or interested. I needed my time alone to discover if I was interested in trying some things, I needed to gather the information at my own speed without him trying to give me the information from his perspective. At times I felt pushed into things that I wasn't sure I was comfortable with in order to please him. His persistence (in my mind and in his he was only helping me over my block) at times made me mad and I would go into the "damned if I will do it for you" mode.

What he did do eventally, after I explained to him what I was feeling, was leave me alone about my explorations. He lets me find things, "research" and then if I am interested I bring it up. He does occassionally bring up an idea or shows me something on the internet that interests him, but he leaves it up to me to decide if I want to explore that.

He doesn't have a mission to give me all the information, or to help me over my hump or increase my comfort level. He lets me do that. And that is what I suggest you do with your friend. Give her the places, books, mags, where the information is at and let her explore on her own and explore alone where she isn't hovered over. Let her discover for herself and satisfy her own curiosity by herself for now. Oh, you can be there if she has questions, but just answer the question or perhaps point her to a source for information.

Does she have her own internet connection? If she does, just give her this site address and let her explore it on her own by herself for now without hovering over her or being in the same place as she is. Let her grow on her own, but be there for her when she has questions.

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A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

Thanks Chey. Well I am doing that as well. I have given her various sites to check out. I gave her pixies but she didn't have a look. She may have in her own time. Maddy gave me a good link that I sent to her. She had a look and found it helpful.

From what she has told me already, she wants to try a coulple of small things first before she goes any further. Baby steps. Now of course I am listening to her and just holding her hand for any support she may need.

I can also understand how overwhelming her with too much can get on her case. As it is, she is actually taking it all in good stride.

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My stories
An erotic story
The instructor and student
Secretary learns how to take a dicktation
The story of sister stephanie

Awesome. Give her info on what she asks about and go at her pace. Good luck with your relationship!

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Thanks AV. I'll keep it in mind. The good thing is she is willing to try things. Now at her pace and when she is ready of course. So I'm just hanging on for the ride (so to speak). It will be an interesting time for her. I also get a sneaking suspicion that when she is ready I'll be the first to know.

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My stories
An erotic story
The instructor and student
Secretary learns how to take a dicktation
The story of sister stephanie

Mark...AV has good advice and she puts it in writing well.

Mae, I realise that. I am just waiting for anymore advice to float through here.

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My stories
An erotic story
The instructor and student
Secretary learns how to take a dicktation
The story of sister stephanie

I just wanted to say thank you to all the pixies who have put their view across on this sensitive and often touchy subject.

I have heeded the advice that all of you have said and will put it to good use at the correct time.

So again......thank you all.

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My stories
An erotic story
The instructor and student
Secretary learns how to take a dicktation
The story of sister stephanie

this is where i officially and publicly appologize to mark for being semi rude to him one nit in chat I am truly sorry for being semirude mark please accpt this appology and lets start fresh ok?

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~There is nothing you can do, that can't be done~

"ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE"

I haven't read most of the posts. I got so far and then decided I really didn't want to read it all, and so I may make some redundant or even pointless points here. Who knows, maybe you even already had sex with her. But here goes anyhow.


In my opinion, the most important thing you can do is to be open about things yourself. Behave as if sex is a natural, and wonderful thing. Behave as if every part of her is beautiful and wonderful. Behave as if you're surprised she thiniks of any part of sex as "wrong" or "bad." And mention that "yes, I'm dirty minded alright" with the attitude of "dirty" as a fun word, not a "bad" word. Help her understand the difference.

Be open yourself to new things. Not to put too fine a point on it, but here's a PERFECT example: If, say, you were to have oral sex, but then you didn't want her to kiss you after a blow job. This is a HORRIBLE double standard. Honey, if it's good enough for her mouth, it had DAMN WELL better be good enough for yours. If it's not, you'd best think twice before you allow her to do something that's not good enough for you! Much less ask her to....

The next thing is to treat her statements with respect. How do you do that? It's kind of vague, I think. Here's one way. If she thinks that oral sex is dirty, don't ask for it again. Ask if you may be allowed to just try it on her, if she says no, then let the issue drop. Bring it up again later on, after she's relaxed about other things some. Bring it up in a very sincere, GENTLE manner. Make it always a request, and a very loving one. Never pressure, never push, never demand. Always drop the subject for a long period of time after it's been discussed once. Always present it as if you don't understand her issue with it being dirty. Never agree or say you understand. Simply that you respect it and accept that she feels that way.

Never EVER, no matter WHAT, speak badly of another woman for doing something you want her to do!!! I cannot possibly stress that enough, if I made it red, huge, all caps, and with flames coming off it. What you say about other women ABSOLUTELY and TREMENDOUSLY impacts your SO's views.

If you don't want her to feel that you'd look down on her for wearing a thin shirt so her nipples stand up and can be seen, DO NOT DO IT TO OTHER WOMEN. Ever.

Additionally. With a woman who has these strict values, you will need to remain faithful to her. Perhaps some time later, she may become interested in other people entering the relationship. She may not. If you cannot live with that, then walk away now, because it's a 20/80 chance with the higher proportion going towards not wanting it.

Meaning, no more "she was putting her pussy right in my face and begging me to fuck her, I had no choice!" You have a choice. If you can't wait for this woman, you can't wait for her, and you need to move on, because all you will do is hurt her. Unless, of course, you don't care about that and just want to ejaculate into a warm body.

In which case, buy a goat. Just ask her for permission first.

Buy a goat?

What'd the poor goat do? And do you mean "ask the goat for permission" or ask his girlfriend for permission to purchase said goat?


I'm sorry...I'm a little woozy from that line about stiff nipples in thin shirts.


Ok, serious talk now. Good job sweetlady.

__________________
Though I am different from you,
We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

Well, ask the goat, of course! Consentual sex is the only way to go!

I was gonna suggest a RealDoll, but they're too big to warm up in the microwave to body temperature....

Well, what if you just nuke the good stuff? :grin:

__________________
Though I am different from you,
We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

Okay, I've read the thread now.

I'm going to make a really wild, out of the blue, odd suggestion. From some of the sounds of it, she may want to be dominated. I would need more information to be certain, but that's how it sounds.

http://www.castlerealm.com/

This is an excellent site to help you understand women who want or need this.

The first most important and serious thing I can tell you about this is this... whatever you do, go about bringing it up with absolute love, care, and concern. It's not a simple thing, and it's important that you introduce her to the idea slowly and build up trust. If you discover that she's a submissive woman, and the next day tell her to get on her knees and suck you off, you'll ruin everything in one instant. Don't do it, you'll destroy her emotionally and mentally with that bullshit.

And the next thing I want to say is that you should never, ever, at any time, assume that just because she's submissive and wants to be dominated (IF YOU DISCOVER THAT AT ALL) it means she wants to be hurt or given pain. Particularly in the asian culture, domination is mental, not physical, so it's unlikely that she'll be interested in whips and chains, you'll have to be more creative than that.

In my opinion, and that's all it is, and please, please, tread carefully here.... she is a submissive woman. She does look to you for guidance, thus she expects YOU to the one who tells her whether or not it's digusting to do this or that. But in order to be able to tell her that it's desirable behavior from her, you must earn her trust on a deep, fundamental level.

Notice I said EARN it. Keep in mind that to truly dominate a woman, it must be something she's aware of, and that she's GIVING to you. All control over another person is given. As a submissive who left my controlling (note I didn't say dominating, but controlling) husband who decided to force control over me, let me tell you that it's a rough road to recovery and to allowing yourself to trust again afterwards.

That is the effect you can have on this woman... you can teach her that her submissive nature (again, assuming that's how she is!! and she may not be!!!!) is a good, beautiful, desirable, wonderful thing. Or, you can destroy her by preying upon it and being a devourer who violently attempts to rip her freedom from her. If you do the second, you WILL lose in the end, it WILL come back to bite you horribly and painfully.



I am offering this site to you, as it seems that you may have a woman on your hands who "needs your guidance and instruction" and actually wants it to be thus.

It teaches you how to guide from a hand of gentleness and compassion, how to be a loving "master" instead of a demonic destroying incubus. It teaches you your responsibilities, it guides you in the proper approach to her and in how to protect her and meet her needs. That is the give and take of this sort of relationship. Do not look into it lightly, because the weight of being a master or "dom/me" is a heavy one, and only a fool attempts it without genuine wisdom, understanding, and caution.

In particular, pay close close attention to this particular page before even THINKING about approaching her with the concept: http://www.castlerealm.com/subspace/subneed.htm

And again, if you are not ready to accept a VERY heavy responsibility, don't even think about clicking those links, because you will fail if you are not ready to become truly responsible and to have the overwhelming, omnipresent weight of having someone else's life and hopes in your hands. If you think about that for a while, and don't get a sense of awe and fear so intense it gives you goosebumps and moves you nearly to tears, you're not ready to even consider it. It's that important, it's that heavy a responsibility.