i found this site quite some time ago but have not visited in a while. i came across it again recently and thought this would be a good forum to ask a question or get others advice. i am a very affectionate person by nature, i love to please, but having waited until i was in my late 20's to have any kind of intimate or sexual contact i am definately not as experienced as others.

i am now happily dating a girl who was married for nearly 10 years to a man who was, in her words, king of the 5 minute special. evidently there are men out there who skip kissing, touching, caressing, all of the good stuff and go directly to penetration, get off, and they are done regardless of the other persons desires. sad, but that is what she was used to.

the thing is that she is very fortunate. i have learned that some women cannot have orgasms, some can only have them due to penetration (vaginally), some only through clitoral stimulation (orally), and some can only have one. she can have them orally, vaginally, and she can have them over and over - my highest count was near 20, i had to stop because it was just getting overwhelming for her.

anyway as i mentioned i love to please, and honestly would rather please her or bring her to orgasm than have that done to me. i have encouraged her to communicate to me what she wants, what she likes, what she needs - and she has done a good job of that. one issue that has come up is oral sex. she had never had genuine oral sex before. it had only been given a few times, and that was only after repeatedly asking and even then it was infrequent, quick, and begrudgingly done - so it is no suprise that she really did not get that much from it.

well i LOVE to give orally - there is a deeply arousing feeling from focusing entirely on giving - hearing, feeling, tasting her response is incredible - so we do that often and it is obvious from her reaction and talking about it that she REALLY enjoys it. she wants to return the favor and i enjoy that as well, but she does not feel like she is good at it.

i dont really know how to judge, as i have only had one other partner before. but i know i did feel more pleasure with the other partner, i just dont know what made it so or how to communicate what to or not to do. she wants to know, i just dont know what to tell her. also she has a very strong gag reflex so when she does go down on me, if she tries to swallow when i climax she chokes - which i understand but it does make me feel bad because i dont want her to feel she has to do that.

does anyony have any suggestions as to how she may feel more comfortable and confident in giving oral sex? any any suggestions as to how to deal with climaxing without gagging? she wants to swallow - says she enjoy is, she just cannot help gagging.

dgalileo,

What a lovely post! Yay for you on all counts!

As for giving blowjobs, it can be a tricky business since all men are different and we women can't even begin to imagine what it feels like.

I'd say the best advice I can give to you both is to take your time with it.....a bit of teasing before hand goes a long way, and experiment. If she's willing, get her to try different things and tell her how they feel. Make sure that you give her encouragement if something's really good, and don't be afraid to voice your suggestions (faster, slower, deeper, tighter, more pressure around the head, more pressure around the base - whatever feels best for you). If she isn't using one of her hands on the base of your cock at the same time, get her to try that as it's often the case that a hand alone just won't be enough, and you can also experiment with different positions.

I'm sure I need not tell you that making sure you're clean and hygenic, before she starts to suck you will help her feel at ease and will make the experience nicer for her, with the end result that she'll be more enthusiastic. This alone, can make the difference between good oral and great oral!

Finally, on swallowing, I find that if I kind of close off my throat so that the cum doens't go down it directly, but rather collects in my mouth (a bit like when drinking from a water fountain) it stops me from gagging. I kind of hold it in my mouth until after he's finished cumming and then swallow, sometimes after he's actually withdrawn from my mouth entirely.

The other thing I'd suggest, is if she really can't get the hang of taking your cum in her mouth, perhaps she might be receptive to the idea of withdrawing your cock from her mouth at the last minute, so that you cum on her face and breasts......some women love it, some won't entertain the idea, but it's usually something that men find pretty stimulating visually, so it might be a solution, if she's willing to be brave and try it. I'm not a great fan of the taste of sperm, so I find it can be a good alternative on days where I just don't feel like swallowing.

Good luck and have fun discovering what works for you!

Lou
x

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loula,

thank you for the suggestions - i will try to be more vocal about what does and does not feel good. the only other sexual partner i had was entirely focused on me giving pleasure to her, so i am not as comfortable knowing exactly what i like or what feels good. i think part of it is a confidence thing - and i guess i just need to provide her more feedback.

but her confidence is low in several things, she does not like to be on top. i should rephrase that, she really likes it, she just doesnt feel like she is, in her words "doing it right". again i dont know what to tell her as the experiences i have had were mostly in giving.

i had a thought to perhaps buy videos that may help, we talked about it and i purchased the "better sex" video series. we were both happy to watch them, and got some information out of them - but it was more clinical than anything and it was not quite what we were looking for. i have looked online for more couple related movies - not the hardcore xxx movies filled with who knows that, just erotic movies for couples and i cannot seem find anything like that.

do you think that is a good idea? anyone have any movies that they could suggest for couples? something that may help us both learn a little more?

i think those things could work. they can literally show her she isn't 'doing it wrong'. or maybe you could look at a kama sutra book together, it's not clinical, not a porno either, but it turns me on. or read a story. in real life i sometimes feel shy about discussing the intricacies of sex, so i think i know how you both feel. and it can take me a little while to fell comfy enough to get turned on buying/looking at toys, or to say 'i want you to...(whatever)' while we're having sex. now i only blush a little bit when i tell him where to put his tongue . used to be i could only squeak and nod. i guess what i'm trying to say is, keep at it and it'll get easier.

Great advice so far! I'd just like to add that it sounds like you are both concerned with pleasing the other. WIth that attitude, and some patience, you'll get all this worked out. Also, if she is giving head, she might try holding your head right in front of her mouth when you cum so nothing is in her mouth [i]except[i/] your cum... (assuming that is the issue with her gagging.)

Good luck and have fun!

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Give it some time, especially if she doesnt have alot of practice. My gf took some time before she was able to really get my juices pumping

thank you for the advice. this past weekend we spent on a weekend trip away and were able to relax, enjoy each other, and talk a lot. i counted seven different episodes and i got her up to as many as nine orgasms in one session - it is a wonderful feeling to see her so totally out of this world in pleasure, relaxation, just euphoria - yummy! :-)

but in talking to her she really feels unconfident about giving oral sex and about taking more of a lead in sex, ie being on top or doing things to me rather than me giving. i think we are both very passionate, sexual, and loving people and i dont mind that she isnt a "pro" - i am not either. i think i am going to try to find a movie or something that we can watch together and we can experiment to see what she is and isnt comfortable with. any suggestions on movies?

as to the cumming, she says she loves when i cum in her mouth, and she likes the feeling of me in her throat but she just cannot hold back the gag when i cum. someone here suggested and i did mention that she is in control at that point and if she wants to "aim" in a different direction - that is ok with me. she does not like the idea at all of me cumming on her face - all i can think of is for her to aim towards the inside of her cheecks or the roof of her mouth, so she can avoid the reaction of gagging. what suggestions do you guys have?

Sounds like your an amazing guy and since you are, everything will be great!!!

Have fun practicing that's for sure!!!

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last night we talked again about this matter and i dug a little deeper into why she feels uncomfortable being on top or taking the lead in sex. in her words she said that when she is on top or tries to take the lead she feels unsure of herself, awkward, and ugly. i asked her to tell me what i can do to help her, reassure her, or make her feel differently.

i think part of the problem is that after 10 years of marriage to a 5 minute specialist who did not care what she wanted or whether she enjoyed anything, and who cheated on her and basically dated the last year or so of their marriage - she deep down inside doesnt feel attractive or is at least unsure about that. when i focus on giving to her - she feels desired. but when she takes the lead she is unsure of her own attractiveness.

i do not know what to do above what i already do, which is reassure her, be extreamly affectionate - in unexpected places, for no reason, with no justification, and with no expectation of anything. i try to hold her, kiss her, talk to her, reassure her, compliment her, etc... so i think i am at least on the right track with that, i just dont know how to completely get inside her and help her to see what i see in her. any ideas?

does anyone have any suggestions for good adult movies that are more geared towards couples? i realize that adult movies are not going to win any academy awards, but neither of us are all that comfortable with the more graphic and hardcore movies. i can not seem to find anywhere that caters to a more softer audience - couples mostly.

just a follow up we did rent a few adult dvds, some were too graphic or hardcore - but the opening of misty bethoven was not bad, neither was the movie - i cant remember the title, it has emanuelle in the name - anyway those were good. any other suggestions?

With the porn industry being multi-billion at this point, I don't know how easy it would be to search out movies by Candida Royalle. She was a starlet in the 80's, I believe, that turned to directing and producing adult films. Her films were geared towards couples and focused on a woman's point of view. It may take some searching, but they might be what you're looking for.

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