10 Simple rules for dating my DAUGHTER

RULE ONE: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up!

RULE TWO: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off, my daughter’s body, I will remove them!

RULE THREE: I am aware that it is fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult but you and your friends are idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose a compromise. You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take an electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

RULE FOUR: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today world, sex without utilizing a, “barrier method” of some kind will kill you. Let me elaborate; when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you!

RULE FIVE: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sport, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you will have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early”.

RULE SIX: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me if it’s okay by my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry!

RULE SEVEN: As you stand at my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more that an hour passes by, do not sigh or fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on make-up which can take longer than painting the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful like changing the oil in my car?

RULE EIGHT: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing holding hands or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff t-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romance or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay (I have one). Football games are okay. Visiting nursing homes is even better.

RULE NINE: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth. I have a shotgun, a chain saw, a shovel and 5 acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me!

RULE TEN: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over the rice paddies outside Saigon. When my Agent Orange starts to act up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As you pull into the driveway, you should exit your car with both hands in clear sight. Announce that you have brought my daughter safely home and early then return to your car, there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face in the window is mine.

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My stories
An erotic story
The instructor and student
Secretary learns how to take a dicktation
The story of sister stephanie

although it is a long time off, and i stress a LONG time off that my daughter will be dating, i will have to remember these rules. I keep telling my kids that they can date when they are 30. that is soon enough for me!

And both her father and Mayhem and i have discussed being in the act of sharpening big sharp items, like axes, broadswards, samuri swards, bowie knives, and etc, when her date comes to pick her up.

seriously, as awful as it sounds, until, my kids are out of my house and on their own, they date, i ride with in the back seat. Embarassing or not, that is where i stand.

And im the one with the samuri sword.....

Im right with you on that one babe

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Everyone Talks, Friends Listen

Considering I'm only nineteen and wasn't allowed to date until I was sixteen, I know what it's like to have those rules enforced! lol. Your kids will thank you for it, I know that for sure. I wish my parents would have been more strict about it, or else I wouldn't have been sneaking around to hang out with boys.

My dad emailed me those rules sometime last year, right after my 18th birthday, and it still makes me laugh when he calls my boyfriend "The Ugly Boy". Teenagers may bitch about the rules their parents make up for them, but I think later on your kids will thank you for it. It's nice to date someone when you have your parents approval than without it.

Sassee, maybe your parents were too strict so that you rebelled, against them?

I was never told I couldn't date, but I went to a girls' school so I didn't know that many boys. The ones I did know, my Mum knew too, and there's no way I could have seen them if my Mum didn't allow me to. My Mum trusted me and I never abused that trust. She knew where I was and who I was with the whole time, so there was no danger of me getting into an unsafe situation.

I even lost my virginity in my parents' house and my Mum knew that I was alone upstairs that night with the lad in question. I think her attitude was that she'd rather be close enough to hear me yell for help if anything got out of hand, then somewhere else where she'd have been powerless if he hadn't have taken 'no' for an answer.

I imagine, I'll adopt a similar policy with our little sprite in the dim and distant future.

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"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

Absolutely love it!!!

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I wish all the ladies were pies on the shelf...and I was the baker because I'd eat them all myself.
I wish all the ladies were potholes in the road...and I was a dumptruck because I'd fill them with my load.

No, my parents were never very strict. Much like you said, my mom was always in the know. She knew where I was and what I was doing. But then it got to a point as I was hanging out with more and more people who didn't have that kind of relationship with their parents that I started to feel like maybe I didn't need to tell her about everything. But I never left out important details. She always knew where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing. My step-dad is a lot more strict than she is, so she even kept everything I told her to herself. If I had to ask my step-dad to go to one place when I was really going somewhere else, my mom always knew where I was really going.

When I say that I snuck around to hang out with boys, it was really more to get around my step-father. My mom never had too much of a problem with it. Which, to me, is fine because my mother is my blood parent, and while I love and respect my step-dad, his views on raising a girl (he has only one son, and my mom didn't start dating him until I was already 14, and he son is the same age as me) are very ... unfair. He would allow my step-brother to do things and punish me for doing the same things.

Anyway, the point is, I never rebelled very drastically. My mother pretty much knew what was going on all the time. And today, we still have no secrets. She's my best friend, as silly as it sounds.

I am the parent of a daughter about to cross that threshold into the world of dating. I agree 120% with you and am glad there are a few dinosaurs like us left. DON'T MESS WITH DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL!!!!!

We do know what little boys are after with our daughters - becuase its the same thing we were after back then. So don't take us for fools.

Haha, I always knew better than that.

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Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for
the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
- Woody Allen