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What do you give a paedophile who has everything?
A new Scout Troop. |
OF~ that is just WRONG!!!!!!!!!:D :D :D LMAO
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O.F.---I think that it is funny!The subject may be wrong but you
can't take everything in life;seriously.You'll soon go crazy if you take;all of the things;that happen in life; seriously;and don't joke around about things. Irish |
Who is Jack Schitt??
The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt!" Read on and you'll be able to handle the situation intelligently.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep & Schitt, Inc. Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple begat 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' wishes, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After 15 years of marriage, Jack & Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married a Mr. Sherlock, and out of devotion to her children, decided to hyphenate her last name, and became Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married a woman named Loda Dung, who became Loda Schitt. The couple produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, inseperable thoughout childhood subsequently married the Happens brothers. The local newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding, which was quite an event. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He returned from his travels with his Italian bride, Piza Schitt. So, NOW if someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can beg to differ. You not only know Jack Schitt, but the entire Schitt list! |
Here is a riddle for the "intellectually" minded. The answer is at the end for those who cannot think this one through!
At the exact same time, there are two young men on opposite sides of the earth: One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers, the other is getting a blow job from an 85 year old woman. They are each thinking the exact same thing. What are they both thinking? "Don't look down!" |
Three vampires are going out to the "Vampireīs Inn". The first is asking the keeper for a nice glass of blood group A. The second prefers group 0. The third says:"Could you be so kind and bring me a cup of hot water, please!". The other two look at him and the first asks:"Are you ill or what? Do you have a diet?"
The third is getting out a bloody Tampax and says:"No, itīs tea time!!" |
LMAO. That's just delightfully sick.
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Sweet young thing goes to the movies with her boy-friend.
During the show she leans over and says, "Darling, the man beside me is masturbating". The boy-friend advises her to ignore him. She replies, "I can't, he is using my hand". ;-) John. |
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.
The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands." The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today." The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis. |
A son takes his ill father to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor advises that the father is dying of cancer.
On the way home from the hospital, the father tells his son that he has had a good, long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate. Surprised, the son reluctantly agrees. While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying from AIDS. When his friends leave, the son says, "Dad, you're dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?" The father replies, "It's rather simple, son... I don't want my friends fucking your mother after I'm gone!" |
Three elderly ladies are sitting on a park bench in Central Park. Suddenly, a man dressed in an overcoat appears from behind a tree. The man casually opens his coat and flashes the unsuspecting ladies.
Surprised, the first lady had a stroke. The second lady also had a stroke. The third lady, though, refused to touch it. |
My aunt used to tell me there were three kinds of sex in a marriage. There was exciting sex, necessary sex and hallway sex.
~~Exciting sex is when you're first married and you can't wait to get at each other.~~ ~~Necessary sex is after you've been married for seven or eight years and it's more of a chore than anything else....~~ ~~Hallway sex is after you've been married for thirty or forty years and you pass each other in the hallway and say "Fuck You!!!".~~ |
Sex,
The final resort for people who've run out of conversation. I forget who.... |
A True story
The woman in question, a cute brunette, was pulled over for speeding by a Highway Patrolman motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book, she said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball."
He replied, "No, Highway Patrolmen don't have balls." There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realised what he'd said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes. |
somehow also true
What is the difference between sushi and oral sex?
The rice! |
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