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Little Johnny had never had sex in his life, so his buddy Billy told him that he'd take him to a girl that would teach him a few things. He agrees.
Later, Little Johnny's in a room with the girl. She takes off her clothes, and asks him, "Do you know what I want?" Little Johnny says, quite honestly, "No." She lies down on the bed, and asks him the same question again, "Now do you know what I want?" Again he answers, "No." She spreads her legs spread-eagled across the bed and asks him the same question again, "Now do you know what I want?" Little Johnny answers, "Yeah. You want the whole fuckin' bed to yourself." |
"Why do you look so glum today?" the teacher asked young Johnny.
"I didn't have no breakfast," Johnny mumbled. "You poor dear," said the teacher. "Now, to return to our geography lesson, Johnny, where is the French border?" "In bed with my mom. That's why I didn't have no breakfast." |
Little Johnny and his grandfather are fishing by a peaceful lake beneath some weeping willow trees. The grandfather takes out a cigarette and lights it.
Little Johnny says, "Grandpa, can I try one of your cigarettes?" "Can you touch your butt with your penis?" "No," replies Little Johnny. "Then, you're not big enough," explains the grandfather. A few minutes pass, and the man takes a beer out of his cooler and opens it. Little Johnny then asks, "Grandpa, can I have some of your beer?" "Can you touch your asshole with your penis?" "No," says Little Johnny. "Then, you're not old enough." Time passes and they continue to fish. Little Johnny gets hungry so he reaches into his lunch box, takes out a bag of cookies, and eats one. The grandfather looks at him and says, "They look good, can I have one of your cookies?" "Can you touch your asshole with your penis?" "I most certainly can!" says the grandfather proudly. "Then go fuck yourself... these are my cookies!" |
Little Johnny asked his mother, "Mommy, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?"
"Of course not! Where did you hear such nonsense?" asked his mother. Little Johnny answered, "Well, the other day Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary." |
Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class, remember it has an 'r' after the first letter." The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy." The next day the regular teacher is still sick. When Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks him what her name is. Little Johnny thinks hard, and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter." "That's right," she coaxed. Then, after a few seconds, Little Johnny's eyes light up and he asks, "Is it Mrs. Crunt?" |
OMG Sharni these are great!! Thanks for the much needed giggle.
Teddy :D :D |
An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child, Little Johnny.
The doctor instructed Little Johnny to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. Little Johnny did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. No sooner had he done this than another baby pops out, than another, and yet another. A puzzled Little Johnny quickly blows out the lamp. The doctor yells, "What did you do that for?" "The light's attracting them!" replied Little Johnny. |
One day an insurance salesman knocked on the door. Little Johnny answered the door and was asked if his mother was home. Little Johnny said, "No, she's at the whore house." The salesman asked if she was a prostitute, and Little Johnny replied, "No, she's a substitute. She only works Wednesdays and Fridays during the rush." The salesman replied, "Well, I'll be a son-of-a-bitch." Little Johnny said, "Heck, I'm a son-of-a-bitch too, but I don't go around knocking on doors telling folks."
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God love Little Johnny! :) Thanks, Sharni!
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It was the first day of the school year, and an elementary teacher was trying to get to know her students.
"What did you do this summer?" the teacher asked Suzie. "Me and my family went to the beach a lot," Suzie answered. "That sounds like fun," said the teacher. "How about you, Emma? What did you do this summer?" "Me and my family rode our bikes together." "That sounds lovely," said the teacher. She continued with all her pupils until she got to Little Johnny in the corner of the room. "What did you do this summer, Little Johnny?" "Nothing," Little Johnny responded timidly. "Did you do anything with your family?" the teacher asked, to try to draw Little Johnny out. "Yes." "Did you go to the beach?" "No." "Did you ride bikes?" "No, never!" Little Johnny burst out. "We can never ride bikes together!" "Why not?" said the shocked teacher. "I don't know," explained Little Johnny, "but Daddy always says that when Mommy and sis' start *cycling* together, it's time to get the hell out of town." |
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, "The 10 Most Wanted."
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman, "the detectives want him very badly." So Little Johnny asked, while tugging on the man's belt, "Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?" |
:o :D:D:p *giggles*
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ROTFLMAO Sharni. Those were terrific. A few I'd heard before, but most were new. TY. :D
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THANKYOU! These were WONDERFUL!!!
*snort* Mrs Crunt!!! LMAO!!!!!!! |
Thank-you. Those were great. That filled my quota of jokes for the day.
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