i know it all. I just need to talk to someone who does not know my father. All of them do. Any help there?

Wasn't implying anything at all, just meant to send a cheerful hello.... sorry.

So, here's what I can do :hug:

The odd thing is, when I get to work I am usually not depressed. There are reasons for that. ;) Its when I get home the depression begins. :(

Anything can touch me off...something I read, a post, someone joking with me on the phone. In my mind I'm very quick to come to conclusions...this does not help anything. Even today, I got home, was doing ok, read something and it hit me in the face, and now all I want to do is find a place to hide or cry. :( Of course when I find my conclusions are false, I get to blame myself....and that doesn't make things any better. :/

It all leads to bad bad thoughts. I've been told maybe I shoudl see a shrink. I've thought this too myself even. I've yet to do so, i think becuase I'm scared. I guess im less scared of what i might do to myself, than what they might confirm.

Heres a question. How do you get over wanting something so bad, when you knwo it can't happen or you can't get it? When its the thing that changes you forever inside in a good way...yet will always be unattainable? :( When that thing will always in your own mind give you a glimmer of hope that you could still reach it, even if told striaght out that you never will, but yet you can't accept it?

It really is best for family members to not treat other family members. I feel for you being in the position you are in. I would hope that at least one other psychiatrist in your area would recognize that it's best to not treat family members and thus see it as logical for you to seek help outside your family and also to keep it confidential, as he or she should do, if he or she is any kind of professional.

By the way, I suffer from chronic depression, which is one reason I chose the word "blue" in my name.

Bopper > same thing. you are not alone. I also needed to cry

BS > I agree family members should not treat each other

I still am blue

And you probably will remain blue without some type of antidepressant medication. Not that I am a huge pill pusher (I am an RN, though, so I do believe people should take medications when they need them), but true depression is usually the result of a chemical imbalance that needs to be corrected.

I agree.. I also belive that medication can help you to cope with it but they are not the cure. Not in such cases at least like other medications. Like asprin can make your headache go but it cannot solve the reason of your headache

Bopper, you are also in trouble man!!! Let's go see a shrink together and share the experiences.

And for your question... Please tell me when you find the answer

IWM, nothing to say sorry for. Thank you for your post and appreciate it. Never thought u were implying anything

Oh Joys, wish I could just sit there with you and let you not be so alone right now....that's what I hear most in your voice......and being alone even in a crowded room or even in a home filled with people makes those demons 'tween yer ears twice as loud......keep seeking help....if it takes going thru a 1000 dr's to find the right one, do it!!!!....things will get better....
and no, i'm not a sappy, ever-cheerful optomist.....hell, perky sees me coming and runs the other way...... all i'm saying is try to hang in....give disappointment a good swift kick in the ass, if you need to.....don't stop tying to find the help you so obviously know you need......we do care, we just can't fix it.....even when we either wear or have worn the same shoes....
and as for the medication not being a fix-all....that's true enough but if aspirin makes my headaches go away until the underlying cause is found and fixed, then me and bayer are ass-hole buddies till that cause is found and fixed......

I wish you peace and many moments of clarity in the fog....it ain't an easy place to live.

Thanks a lot kathy... Really appreciate