It's all a crapshoot for better or for worse, whether it is in real life or the net (the net being worse in my experience, but that is just me). You do what you can, when you can and basically have to hope for the best, I know that sounds almost...pathetic but it's true. Nothing can be forced as much as you might wish or hope for it. But don't mind my post, I am cynical at the moment, so perhaps I am not helping...

Feeling sorry for yourself is not a turn on.

I think you've hit the nail square on the head, hon. That's exactly when it will happen. I gave up on men many years ago....sick and tired of being treated like crap and then dumped. I decided I was just going go out and party with my friends and stop looking for "Mr. Right". And vowed that I would be the one to do the 'screwing over' the next time around. Well, wouldn't you know that's when I met my husband. I met him in a bar.....we were introduced by a mutual friend. And this June we'll be married 34 yrs.
So don't give up. It will happen when you least expect it.