Randygal~ (((Hugs)))........he's grown.......he knows.....he has to make his choices...time for you to decide too. I am here for you whatever you need.....

I think you know what you have to or want to do but just want confirmation.......the only confirmation you need is YOU!!!! ((hugs))

Thankyou for listening EVERYONE.

Your thoughts are very much appreciated...and taken to heart.

What a great group of Pixies we have gathered here....your kind words went straight to my heart. :)

RG,
I know we've talked on this before, and as others have said, it doesn't seem like he's gonna change. You gotta do what you gotta do. Talk to him and tell him you do still love him, but you have your needs. If he doesn't come up with anything, then you're left with no choice but to find some way to satisfy your itch.

Good luck Girl!

Sweetie,
I've got a lot to say to you about this..not enough space here to do it. So go check your e-mail. :D:D:D

I'm new so this may be pointless but here goes anyway... being southern I'm pretty aware that some guys are horrified to think they could be less than sufficient in bed. They seem to think sex is just something you do to pass time. It seems you've tried to reach him conventionally and it hasn't worked. The others have a point about an ultimatum but he'll most likely balk or take it as an insult and label you as being unreasonable. Male prudes are always so damn close minded about things. You're either with them or wrong. I was going to suggest a good therapist but he'd just find fault there too I suppose. My heart goes out to you Hon. I've know several marriages that came apart from these same things. If I could help by listening sometime don't hesitate to message me. I'll keep good thoughts for You.....

try couples counseling thay may help to work out
his hang ups . a sex therapist would help alot
but geting him to with you go may be difficult
as we all said were here for you

RandyGal - I don't think your marriage is over like other people seem to think. I also don't think giving him an ultimatum is going to work - and I don't think you really want to leave him just over this.
So, I think you just have to work on him. It's not going to be an instant cure, there's no such thing for this situation I fear.
I would take things very very slowly, start off with your usual missionary position and then try and change position slightly half-way through. Get him used to the idea that sex doesn't just HAVE to be missionary! Slowly work on different positions. Then, eventually, he may open up a bit.
Other than that, RG, not much I can say. Just keep doing what you're doing!
All the best!

CasperTG

RandyGal, I did not read the thread very thoroughly, but I think nobody had one certain idea: How about not asking him? At the next opportunity smile at him and take his hand to the places you want to? (But first read below)
Reading about his behaviour I have an idea what is wrong with him: It is possible that he is a lot of embarrassed doing more than the classic stuff, and still more embarrassed talking about sex. Are you sure he is completely open with you or is it possible he has things he does not want to talk about for his embarrassment?
Perhaps instead of talking about sex you could carefully ask him if it is difficult for him to speak open? Try to find the reason why he does not want to talk and show him that there IS no reason for being embarrassed.
Besides that: if you cannot get a result perhaps you might ask for professional help?

Wish you all the best, Stefan

RG---I don't know if this will help.Everyone reacts differently.I have;always;been pretty open about anything sexual.My wife has
always;been pretty bashful(old school)Luckily;we can talk about
anything.Tho always fairly open;we talk more openly;since we have been married.(naturally)Many things that I have wanted to do;and my wife has been to bashful;to try;have been initiated;during another sexual act;when she is so horny;that her
resistance is much lower;because;her mind is on reaching orgasm.
After;all of these;years;there is still a slight hesitancy;until;the
initiation phase;is overcome.As;I said;everyone reacts differently!
As in everything else;don't give up;keep trying.You wouldn't have
been with him this long if he wasn't worth the effort.I;personally;
can't imagine;a person;not caring about;a loved ones feelings.
Above all;I wouldn't give an ultimatum!I know that would just piss
me off!Hope this helps. Irish

Okay, you're going to think that I am just kidding around when I say this but I'm not:

Use force. Rape him. SHOW him that he can like it. Tie him to the bed or cuff him in his sleep. But show him how his body can respond to different kinds of stimuli than just him pounding into you. Ya gotta be quick though.

Sometimes tough love is the best therapy.

Okay, well everyone has given you every other idea and this is mine....maybe this is silly to you, but in the words of Mr. Bill Cosby "there comes a time of despairation when you'll even give the rediculous a try."

Counselling is your best shot. If he can be persuaded to actively participate he will hear from a "qualified expert" that he needs to do something.

Another thought; don't let him have any. When he's good and hungry he might even listen if that's what he has to do to get some pussy. After all, it's your piece of property so change the rules a little. Politely and gently keep him out until you're ready. Jack him off if necessary rather than let him in early. And extravagant praise when he get's something right will reinforce the message. A bit like teaching a dog or child.

Women have always controlled men with their pussies, and you can do the same.

Wow. Thankyou all for your input. Some great advice and words of encouragement....

a couple of ideas that might even work to get the message thru to him. :)

You guys are awesome!!!

We're at you humble service, ma'am

HEY mister scarecrow...watch the "ma'am" business, will ya?

I feel old enough as it is! :p :D ;)

Yes maaaaaa I mean OK randygal :D ;) ;)