I did. She is shy and reluctant to traverse into new water's. As I did say, she has only had one b/f her life so you can see a pattern in her behaviour.

I also had her try and talk with Sharni via msn, but I think that sharni had fallen asleep before hand.

I can understand that! I think she might be surprised to find out that there are other members who are virgins. There is so much more to being sexual than just having sex.

She is actually a very nice and lovely person. She is absolutely gorgeous or however you spell it. She is also a bit taller than me. She doesn't see herself as that. As she is asian she is very self aware because in her own words "most asian women are short. I'm a giant and asian men don't like tall girls." Well so she says. Who knows what asian men like? We are all different. I have a pic of her that I might post in this thread just so you can comment. I think she is fab.

You'd need her expressed consent to post her pic.

I think the stereo-type of Asian's being shorter in stature is slowly being rethought. There is a 7' tall basketball player here in the states.

I'll ask her. I don't think she'll mind too much.
Hey if everyone can comment on the pic then it might help to change how she sees herself.

Yeah I told her that too. I do taekwondo and one of the guys I used to train with was asian. He was slightly taller than me.

You pick up a women's mag and you can see sometimes the shots of the asian girls that they might have. Lucy Liu is a good example.

Well this thread certainly ranks up there as interesting. LOL

Mark, I was right there with WI shaking my head when I started reading this. *Oh damn, here he goes again* I thought. But Sharni's right, I shouldn't take all at first impression. You asked for honest advice, so here goes.

My suggestion would be to not even think of this girl as a potential bedmate. (Hang on, let me explain.) This lady has reservations, blocks as you call em. Be a friend to her first. Communicate with her. This, by virtue of your posts here, may be a bit of *ahem* a challenge to you. Nevertheless, step up to the challlenge. Talk, but more importantly, LISTEN to her. She's got reasons for feeling the way she does about sex and sexuality. I balk at thinking that you, or anyone else, should try to change her mind, but there's nothing at all wrong with showing her how beautiful and natural sex and sensuality can be. If I may make a suggestion, study up yourself. Read a book or two on the subject. I don't mean insert tab A into slot B type manuals or fuck-a-thon erotica. Instead books that explore sensuality and the spirituality of sex.

Now then, when I suggested that she not be considered a bed mate by you, I mean back off. It really sounds as though this lady is feeling pressured by you. That's why she's giving you excuses every 2 seconds, as you put it. Perhaps she fundamentally feels she should wait till she's married. Or, just simply, isn't ready yet. That's her choice, not yours. Support her choice and be a friend to her. If you aren't willing to be patient or to wait, then she isn't the right sexual partner for you, or you for her. Now if things work out and you two form a real, solid relationship and BOTH of you CHOOSE to share it together, then great. But there is a LOT of talking and listening that need to happen first.

My two cents.

P.S.
I also think it would be a wonderful idea for your friend to come visit us. Pixie's has a wonderful way of opening people's minds and attitudes, showing us that sexuality is a beautiful part of life. Oh, and in as much as we'd all love to see her, let her post her own pics, she'd probably appreciate that. :)

Ok *pulls up car and hit breaks eeeeerrrrrrr* quite a mouth darogle. Just to clear this up I am not expecting just to insert tab a into slot b as you so elequently put. No I am trying to help her explore her own sexuality. I do respect and understand that it is her body her choice. I have even hinted gently *nudge, nudge* that she try and pleasure herself, well at least try to.

The only way one finds what feels good is to take a grab and grope away.

Then with that little experiment under her belt she would put herself in a far better position instead of saying that it (sex) is dirty.

I'm not sure how or why I'm back, it must be that human nature to stare at a train wreck, I don't know.

I agree with the idea of giving her the website, let her explore it at her own pace, and she shouldn't feel compelled to be an active participant until she is darn good and ready. I know that I wondered the threads and read for a long time before I ever thought of replying to a post. Pixies (new and old) are an eclectic group of opinions, knowledge, experience, beliefs. And for the most part Pixies are an accepting group of people. I'm confident that she could learn a lot here. But she needs to have the desire to learn, to ask, to explore, to experience. No one can, or should force it upon her. We all come into the exploration and realization of our sexual and sensual selves at differing points in our lives. Somehow I think these points of exploration and realization are maturity related (just my opinion) and not age related. As we are all well aware age does not equal maturity.

As for communicating in here and the concept of newbie vs old timer. It's there, and even though I've been around long enough, I still feel as if I'm quite new. I don't feel I've broken my shoes in and am often reluctant to speak openly, particularly when I think what I have to say might be offensive to a large audience. But that's ME... I'm shy and conservative that way. I certainly know better, and realize not everyone acts or reacts in the same manner as I do (although more than once have I thought the world would be more pleasant if everyone were like me :) ). It's the best thing I can offer as far as advice in surviving a online forum. Think about what you type and how it might be perceived by the audience, recognize we are individuals and as such think, act, and react in differing manners.

Mark, I hope that you and your friend can grow from the experience that is Pixies.

I was referring to books that discuss techniques rather than insight, not you. You asked for advice, I gave you the best advice I could think of. Don't want it, don't ask for it.

Ok thanks for clearing that one up darogle. I'll have a look.......

My story
 

I was a virgin when I was introduced to this site by a "friend." He had me read various stories to me and told me to look around the site. That is when I first ran into the chat room.

The first time I was in the chat room I remember being asked if I was a member I wasn't... I didn't know what it meant to be a member... I can't remember who it was but they were angery that I was intruding on their chat room. I left for a long time, I finally came back and ever since have been addicted to this place. I must say that is the only bad experience that I have ever had on pixies... I have never been or felt like I have been attacked... one reason I was so surprised to read this thread... I don't think I have ever seen someone ripped like this... anyway...

This site helped open my mind, before when my "friend" and I started talking I had VERY reserved feelings of sex and anything like it. I was determined to stay a virgin till I was married... He continued to work on me and I am not upset that he did... I finally did give him my "V-Card" lol and I fell in love with him. He on the other hand did recipracate, instead went for his uncle's new wife's sister. No bitterness I swear it, I love the time I had with him and now see why we couldn't be together. In fact I still love him a great deal, and I am so glad I had the chance to experience sex with him... ok getting off topic... lol

Point of the post... let her run around here on her own reading posts will help open her mind, but don't push her on the subject. It was my idea to have sex with him and he questioned me many times before we did it, I ended up begging him.... she will have the idea with time... as did I...

Well thank you for that insight. I didn't lose it until I was 21 myself.

Mark,

Only a couple of days ago you were posting about another girl called Amy, who you were seeing over Christmas, so I assume you've not been 'wooing' this girl for very long.

If you really like this girl and you may be falling love with her, then I'm sure it won't bother you to know that you may have to wait a LOT longer to have sex than you've already waited. A friend of mine recently confessed that she was with her boyfriend a year before they had sex and in the following 18 months of their sexual relationship she never had an orgasm. She's never masturbated and was never really 'switched on' to sex and the guy in question ended the relationship in the end (probably due in part to these factors).

While I can't tell you the thing to say or do to get her to open up sexually, I can tell you that trying to persuade/plead with/cajole her in any way at all are sure fire ways, not only to push her away from you, but also probably mess her head up even more about sex and relationships for the future.

I'd say if you're prepared to love, cherish, be faithful and nurture her indefinitely without the slightest hint that you may EVER have sex with her, then by all means, go for it - you may be just the kind of guy she needs, but if you're not prepared for that, don't even consider trying to have sex with her, it'll end in tears, and they'll be hers.

Ok. Not to worry I ain't rushing it. I'm looking for advice on this. And that was yet another that was spot on. Anymore?

Hi Mark,

If it were me, I would do everything I could to make her feel comfortable around you. Share a bit of yourself, when the subject turns to sex, let her have all the info she wants and get her to understand as fully as possible whatever she is curious about, even if you feel a little embarrassed about sharing certain things, she will sense you letting your guard down which will encourage her to do the same. It sounds to me like the "block" you speak of is made of doubts and anxieties which she needs information and reassurance to destroy. She needs to be the one to break it down - you can help, and help a lot, but you can't do it for her.


Not that I'd know. But I'm good at spinning a line of bullshit, ey? ;)

^^^^ *sitting on the sofa...eating popcorn and drinking a Coke*

No Bel, that was good BS. You are right about the anxities and self doubt. The best thing that I can do is give her all the info she needs. Then leave myself open like a book if she has any questions.

* glances at Lixy:rolleyes2……………….. nods ……………. “A LOT of dynamics going on here, ah?”:confused: …………… “Pass some popcorn please.”:) *

Yep, PF Ya know I've always believed that if you give someone enough rope they will hang themselves............

The digs are not helping...back to the original question or just leave it alone :)

MY OPINION:
It's not his place to try to unblock her! It's HER body.
Yeah him diggin on my boyfriend when he was trying to help isn't just real sweet of him either is it?
I'm done here.

I actually thought Kaelynn's response was most interesting....the man she gave her virginity to did not end up being "the one" ~~ but since she analyzed the situation and made a considered decision, she had no regrets. If I were to craft the perfect sityuation for your lady, it would be mostly the same.

Everyone's journey is different. She needs to read books, maybe make a few online friends, ask questions....and then decide what she is comfortable with. You are merely along for the ride. :)

Osuche...I noticed Kaelynn's response too. I would guess that in today's era, your first is probably rarely "the one". And that would be something you would see amongst your peer group. I wonder if it makes some in less of a hurry?

i'll tell ya how to woo a virgin
 

ya'll both get drunk, take ur pants off and stick ur dick up her arse. lol

Now that's romance for ya^^^^!

The longer I am here, the happier I am that I got the right guy.

That's like trying to shove a piece of rope through the eye of a needle! :grin:

This is EXACTLY what I thought about saying this morning...but I went to get a shower...I came back..and I made some popcorn and sat down to see how it all plays out.

*passes PF the popcorn and scolds him..."DON'T stick your dick through the bottom of the cup and make my buttery corn all gooey"!*

But anyway...here's what I was thinking this morning, before my shower...

Pixie "A" asks for help. Pixie "B", "C", and "D" give him sound advice with a different twist from each. Pixie "A" scoffs at the advice. Pixie "B", "C", D", "E", "F" and "G" have seen previous posts from Pixie "A" and want to steer "A" in the right direction, but "A" is having none of it and misunderstanding all posts because they don't have the answer "A" wants to hear.

Pixie "H" takes "A" to the side to chat and find out "the real" person behind the nic. We love "H" so much that "H's" advice is heeded. Calm is strewn across Pixieville. Pixie "I" adds a heartfelt and long thought out reply to Pixie "A"...and Pixie "A" misunderstands/misreads the post and blasts Pixie "I". All Pixies are again upset!

Here's the main malfunction of this thread. A question was asked with a preconceived notion of an answer. The answer wasn't given as the poster would have wanted. ANYTHING said would have been wrong...unless you hit on the answer already dreamed of when the question was asked.

Mark? We speak from the heart here! When we consider a question, we picture ourselves in the exact situation...ergo, the reason I asked for more details in your other thread. If you ask us for advice, we'll do our best to help, as long as you take your time to read each post (and reread it, so that you understand before you post a defensive or derogatory reply) and realize that precious time was spent in trying to add some well thought out insight! We don't take advice lightly here...and if something is stated...it's usually dead on right from past experience!

In finality...I quoted whatswithme69...because I am thinking (after reading this entire thread twice) that this, or something similar, is the answer you initially WANTED to read! Tis why everyone got in such a "pack" ya know! You dissed a lot of very cool people (and...ok...they mighta dissed you too, but you can't say that you didn't invite it in some of your replies!!!).

My advice? Calm down hun! We're here to help, have fun, laugh, cry, sex one another up...etc.! If you ask a question...absorb the answers before you reply!

Geezzzzzzzzzzz...Get this fuckin soapbox out from under me!!!!!!!

:thumb: Great post Lixy :wine:

Yo Lixy. It's not that I didn't misunderstand or only wanted to hear the answer that I wanted to hear. After getting a pasting earlier, I decided best to see what everyone else would add. Some very sound and good advice came after the fire. And also some jokes along the way.

I read the whole thing! :)

I agree, great post Lixy..You said it better than anyone else.

Yo Mark! You ain't shittin'...some VERY GOOD AND SOUND ADVICE came after, and regardless of what you think (go back and reread the replies...especially darogle's), betwixt the fire.

I'm glad you decided it was best to see what everyone else said. I'm glad you are taking time now to get to know the "family" and to understand our intentions. Sometimes less is more...if you get my drift. Don't do as "I" do...but DO learn from my babbling!

Lixy, as I did post in one of my postings (which is here somewhere) that trying to get the right word across can be difficult at best. Of course everyone jumped on the band wagon and shot me down. Unfortunately typing and talking are two different things.

I did say that it is her body her decission. All I want to do is give her the info she may need when it comes time. It may or may not happen with me, but as she is relatively inexperienced in these matter's I want to give her all the pertinent info on it.

*Calm settles over the thread*

OK Mark...so you want to "guide" her? Give her all the pertinent info?

What is it she doesn't know?

I'm still thinking...she knows about all the technicalities...but she just doesn't feel sure that "it" is for her yet.

Hun...really...Go back and reread this entire thread. Especially dote on darogle's sincere reply. He's a really smart guy and wouldn't throw you a curve! I think you've dismissed his whole intention and focused on his "slot A" yada, yada...and didn't even get the analogy. Several peeps have told you similar things throughout this thread, but it seems you missed the points[s] from everyone.

Trust me...I KNOW how hard it is to get a point across in type. But truthfully...a lot of Pixies have made every effort to make the exact same point, just in different words, in this one thread alone...that even I now know how I will handle it if I encounter a reluctant virgin! LOL!

So really, go back...and then we can go forward! K?

so you say she is a hot 20 year old asian and she's a virgin.


hmmm.....i'm liking it. :D

sorry, back to the seriousness of the thread

yep that's it Merc. 20 yr old virgin. Very nice girl.

Don't make me come over there and spank your monkey!

Oh wait...MM might love that. Ya know, I might love that too! So, what was my point?

*giggle*

Back to our original, "serious" thread!

so what else do i have to do to get you to bring your sexy-self over? :D :jester:

Lixy, the problem is she that all the info she has is from what she learnt at school in sex ed. She knows diddly squat about any of it.

(Ok she knows that this has to go in there for that to happen). She is leaving it all up to me to figure out. By that I mean she is expecting me to know all the answers for every thing. So I sent her here. I got her to read something and she left the site. As I said she is very shy and curious at the same time. So I am doing what I can.

Sex sites are useless because they show just sex. Pixies is far better for advice on these touchy and often sensitive matter's.

Sharni has also asked her to come here. I asked Sharni to have a chat with her via msn but unfortunately sharni fell asleep. Sharni has also voiced her opinion to me.