No personal experience to draw on myself, but I can only echo the others that suggest you let this happen one baby step at a time...don't think about what the future may bring (good or bad)...if it's meant to happen for the two of you to be together, let it happen...if at some point you find that you don't click, enjoy the good times while they last & mark yourself down as being wiser & more enriched for the experience...you know what they say, "Life's a journey, not a destination"...

HI Jen!! Well as you know that i have been betrayed, lied to and down right crapped on..ok that said. I have found someone new..I too wondered if i could ever trust anyone ever again. I like you tend to skate around the personal things. But, you know what, it was easier than i thought to let someone get that close to me. One day at a time things started getting easier to talk about, i was really scared too. I understand your fears, but please, dont let fear rule your life. I hope that things work out for you, I think that you have gotten some really good advice here, as i too have. Hugs...and I will be keeping you in my thoughts!!! :)

Everyone so far has said the very popular "One step in front of the the other" bit, But for me it's never about walking toward a goal. It's about mulling around without a destination. I find that whn I think about something as a relationship, consider "is she the one?" or even look at it as anything more then what it is right now I get all choked up.

When I first met DangerousPet I had recently come off of a Very painful break up,I had no interest in women at all and the last thing I wanted was for my comfort wall to come down. We started to hang out as freinds, the we were friends who gave hugs, then held hands, then freinds who went to dinner together, then friends who slept together....

For Christmas this year we both got best friend charms and the two of us live by the motto "True Happiness is going to bed each night with your best friend".

Don't look at this as a relationship. This is two adults, going out for sme fun, friends getting to know each other better. You wouldn't get all worked up if this was another girl, so why get worked up just cause they have a Y chromosome?

Best Advice
 

My similar problem was that I was painfully awkwardly shy... Far too much so to ever think about making the first move. The best advice I've ever gotten came from my mother, who said "Fake it until it's real." So I started pretending to be confident, and sooner or later I managed to break out of the shell a little. While I know that doesn't help so much in your situation, just realize that opening up isn't about taking leaps- just about realizing the process is happening and letting it happen little by little.
I have a hunch that if you get to know this guy a little bit better you might see a vulnerability in him as well, which should make it a tiny bit easier to trust him. My advice is to use a few tricks to see him again-- just somehow end up in his path-- and give him the right body language (square your shoulders to him, make eye contact, and above all, SMILE). After all, it sounds like you are interested in getting to know this guy, and that should drive him to taking the first step towards asking you out for some one-on-one time. When he does, relax, and don't think any further than friendship. Sooner or later, you will both become more comfortable in that role, and if it seems like something that should go further it will come in time.

Ha so true!

(((Jenna))) when i met Playful1 he wanted NOTHING to do with me. he even admits to pushing me away. however i didnt go anywhere... damn stuberness in me... lol

honestly hun, opening the lines of communication from the start is the best advice i can give you. Play and i both went into our relatonship, as friends, with the 'honesty' policy. Ive been more honest with him than any of my past relationships. and i believe that's why it's lasted so long.

Playful told me that he wasnt sure he wanted to be a couple. he was honest and forthright with me and i appreciated it and respected him for it. he told me of his past relationships and of him being hurt and how he wasn't sure he could go through that again. my response was, well why do you think i'd hurt you? there are no gurantees. this may work, this may not work but you gotta take it one step at a time. Baby-Steps. appreciate each moment with a friend and maybe things will move from their, on their own without you realizing it, it will become natural.


*go get 'em tiger* :)
"True Happiness is going to bed each night with your best friend"
and let us know how your'e doin!

I think you've been given some wonderful advice. I can speak from experience because for the past month, a crazy, troubled, wounded, intelligent man has exploded into my life.

He's hurt me (more to do with his problems than with me but still . . .) but I realized it's the first time I've permitted my heart to be completely vulnerable since my cousin committed suicide in 1998.

I cry sometimes but the good times are more than worth it.

You can be lonely and regret not making a move or you can perhaps experience some wonderful emotions (*cough* & orgasms *cough*).

some help
 

Jenna.....

the best thing you can do is live in the present...the problem lies that for you a date has more meaning than just a date, in your mind, a date means a possible future and vulnerability.

What if the date was just a date? No expectation, live in the moment, enjoy yourself in the moment, but just go on it.

If you enjoy yourself, go on the second one, no expectation, keep the wall up if you will, but just go.

Keep doing that, just going.....don't change anything else and eventually, after enough time and trust is established, that wall will fall down

It all depends on staying in the moment, not thinking about the future or even telling yourself you are only going out as friends each time you go. True feelings come out through time if it is right, no matter how much you resist. Accept that you will resist, accept the wall is there, don't fight the wall, but keep "going." Think of it as untraining yourself by forcing yourself to be exposed (or desensitizing yourself) to your fears.

Its all about how you approach the moment, you can approach it for the moment it is or you can weigh it down with stuff it doesn't even possibly represent yet. Approach it like a task and for the moment it is. Don't worry about the possibilities of tommorrow, just worry about today. If you begin to worry about the future, bring yourself into where you are at that moment and aside from your future fears, how that moment is in its reality.

hope that is clear enough.

Thanks for your advice all... sorry I haven't been around much to respond... but believe me all of your advice means the world to me... each of you offer so much wisdom.. I wish we could bottle it... or at the very least maybe publish a book for the whole world to read :)

Anyway... I did give it a shot... I invited him along for a movie... remained as open minded as I could... hoped that at the very least there would be a spark of possibility... altho it was very obvious to me (and others) that he was very interested... I just didn't have that vibe for him... he is a very nice guy... but not my type at all.

And the nice thing is .... you don't have to spend the next 20 years wondering if you had made the effort, would he have been the one. Good for you Jenna!!!

Ahh damn, I was hoping such good things for you! But at least you got the courage to see for yourself and like Fzzy said, now you won't be in the dark wondering. Glad you took some advice that you gave me :D Just remember, with each small step you take forward, you become stronger and stronger, no more looking behind you my dear, it is only good things for you from here on out.

well poop i'm sad that there was nothing there for you but extremely proud of you for going for it that was the first step (of many more) and the next fella better just look out cause now you got some confidence going . good luck sweet lady :x:

Hell Hon, you're gettin' better alright. You took a chance and now you're bein' picky LOL... keep that pretty chin up. He's lookin' for Ya I'm sure. Glad you made the first steps .... Hugs

Jenna, I'm gonna throw my own two cents in the pot more for the men you meet in the future than this fella......don't let what's in the past pollute the future....don't let what some jerk did, taint all the good that may come your way......don't make assumptions and react out of old and bad habits....you're a wonderful woman, jenna and any man would be lucky to have you in his life....don't ever forget that.

I have to agree with BigBear. Take it slow. Don't worry so much about the walls, they will take care of themselves. Just look at it as having a good time. As long as he treats you right, the walls will develope windows. Good luck.
J

Jennaflower, I offer a bit of different advice. We all know the reason we want to find somebody..to spend our life with..to enjoy the good thing together and lean on eachother during that bad. Fear of never finding this haunts us all from time to time. So instead of swalling this fear use it to move yourself forward. Let the fear of not having someone push you into taking that chance. I'm really bad so say..I'll call her tomorrow or whatever..I'm a serious procrastinator at initial relationships and that fear is what seems to motivate me.